replying on In the berth by INTRANSIT
26 Nov 2007, 6:16 PM
the 'cat' gives a two fold image...you need to keep that in. I like the image... :)
Not usually a favourite of mine - the 'sound effects' but you played it well
Not usually a favourite of mine - the 'sound effects' but you played it well
on Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT
26 Nov 2007, 6:10 PM
Nicely portrayed - the one-way relationship, never to be relayed any other way.
on The Dung Beetles by Pappa
26 Nov 2007, 5:45 PM
this is too complicated for me - the structure I can't even begin to appreciate, but the lesson in nature could do with something...not sure what that could be but the last line seems text bookish, rather than poetic...
can you show me where i might find other Englyn?
can you show me where i might find other Englyn?
on Heroes to the End by sliver
26 Nov 2007, 5:40 PM
line 4 - vowed to see its' end, and took vows to see its' end, and vowed to see it's end..'it' and 'it's' is a little too much
line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need
Very poignant :)
line 5 - drop the red, blood holds the colour you need
Very poignant :)
on Again with the venting by hobojo
26 Nov 2007, 5:28 PM
I do love a good vent/rant...whether at a person or an ideal stage we strive to achieve...
and I do like this
there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure.
for instance...
I used to think life would make sense -
one day
all my efforts would pay off
and all my terror - end
and I'd coast for a little while
I thought, if I
kept fighting
kept holding on
I would make it
that I
would leave it all behind
and I do like this
there are a few places I would tighten up a little, give more oomph to the structure.
for instance...
I used to think life would make sense -
one day
all my efforts would pay off
and all my terror - end
and I'd coast for a little while
I thought, if I
kept fighting
kept holding on
I would make it
that I
would leave it all behind
replying on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper
26 Nov 2007, 5:12 PM
lol...stay well clear when the signs present... I think this is a US site, not sure tho
replying on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper
26 Nov 2007, 5:10 PM
thanks Paul - I have been toying with writing something like this for a while
replying on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper
26 Nov 2007, 5:08 PM
point me in the direction - or repost, would like to read that.
on Bottle collection by INTRANSIT
22 Nov 2007, 1:05 PM
I've just finished a book where the husband was a bottle collector - he had loads of them, proudly displayed and affectionately restored...at the end of the book the wife smashed every one of them. Not that this has anything to do with your poem, apart from coincidence to me...
This poem is perfect in it's quiet way, love it.
This poem is perfect in it's quiet way, love it.
replying on A Cyclamatic Word of Advice by Skamper
21 Nov 2007, 1:13 AM
thanks again...your input is appreciated and I dropped the 'maybe' don't know why I added it, cos there's no maybe about it.
relying way too much on images to speak for you - isn't that what we do, draw the image in words?
relying way too much on images to speak for you - isn't that what we do, draw the image in words?
replying on GENTLE JANE by titan69
21 Nov 2007, 1:08 AM
the scenario or the writing of it?
replying on The Taking by Skamper
21 Nov 2007, 1:06 AM
the 'fight' was only token resistence. I dropped the ... you were right they don't do anything
many thanks :)
many thanks :)
on What the fuck is a HAIKU anyway? by titan69
19 Nov 2007, 7:51 PM
drop the yoda instructions - add 'a' between writes and load...
you definately have a way with....titles...
you definately have a way with....titles...
on What bianca saw!!! by titan69
19 Nov 2007, 7:48 PM
argh! get the sylable count right - if you are going to write in limerick, find the rhythm...
snaps for the ranker/wanker rhyme
snaps for the ranker/wanker rhyme
on GENTLE JANE by titan69
19 Nov 2007, 7:45 PM
this could have been funny...nah...who am I kidding, it's god awful
on Fading Love by hobojo
19 Nov 2007, 7:41 PM
line 4 first stanza - all that I despise - that which I despise...something like that to rid the repitition of 'what I'
just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :)
just an observation...like this a lot though, the inevitibility of it. :)
no matter how many times you read and re-read to make sure its all OK, sometimes a typo so obvious just fails to be noticed. Must be the mind telling the eye it's wrong...many thanks.