on Anthony by lexxie100
28 Jun 2007, 4:31 PM
where is the unusual? What is it that defines this couple and their lives as being unusual? The story is not so different to everyone's apart from the fact that it's happening to them -
on Teddy Bear by lexxie100
28 Jun 2007, 4:26 PM
go do what ALChemy said - you can tell a story, but force it unnaturally into rhyme. Try free versing this - I bet it will surprise you
on The Riddle by lexxie100
28 Jun 2007, 4:22 PM
If there is a riddle here - I can't get it...Hidden messages in poems work the best when not even hinted at...I find the flow a bit messy too...but you got me curious???
on Proposterosity by lexxie100
28 Jun 2007, 4:17 PM
you could cut this a bit - drop some of the filler words, tighten it up. Not sure where you are going with it - abuse is the only real image I can get...
replying on Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22
28 Jun 2007, 3:54 PM
Yes, much simpler - he seems to have taken what was said and reached his own conclusion.
on Ladies by MacFrantic
27 Jun 2007, 4:49 PM
Lyrics? Has a sing-song feel to it
on (Title pending) by INTRANSIT
27 Jun 2007, 4:47 PM
Great! now we have it in writing :)
on My Isolation by clarke1975
27 Jun 2007, 4:22 PM
For a lyric in this day and age it fits what else is out there. Not bad, but if you write lyrics often you are going to have to be more creative.
on Why Do We Stay? by nypoet22
25 Jun 2007, 5:12 PM
I like the movement of this poem and there's no arguing with the logic, the idea or the squirming way of attempting to justify to the youth what the hell we are all playing at - but Alex seems to get very smart, his final words are more what an adult making a speech would say - rather than the natural conclusion from a 7th grader...do you know what I mean? I do like the whole thing, it's just something kinda contrived maybe, about the last part...
replying on The Old Soldier by Skamper
25 Jun 2007, 4:48 PM
You really should get your colon checked...You have a serious anal fixation, from buggery to birth...wish I was smarter then I would know what ails ya...
on An Honest Transaction by Christof
25 Jun 2007, 4:45 PM
At first read I thought this was set in a Catholic Church...then a pub..but really it doesn't matter it's the lack of conviction in the character that holds the sting...Nice work.
replying on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper
25 Jun 2007, 4:41 PM
yeah, the whole buy-me-some-rebellion and sell-me-a-cause shits me to tears...
replying on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper
25 Jun 2007, 4:38 PM
I'm sure just the thought that there is one out there will be thanks enough for both of them. Oh! what was that? Little Johnny Howard wants his share of the thanks...he's been playing with the big boys too you know!
replying on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper
25 Jun 2007, 4:34 PM
easiest thing I've ever written...probably got all the lingo wrong...(even using the word lingo is wrong), would have been fun too if they hadn't of wound me up so much...
on The Young Girl From Khartoum by Edna Sweetlove
25 Jun 2007, 11:15 AM
what did she call it
on You Don't Not Know No Shit by Skamper
23 Jun 2007, 10:02 AM
Just a heads up - I wrote this a few years ago one lunch time while watching a group of white-middle-class Aussie kids actin' all ghetto.
on Win, Win, Lose, Lose by Dovina
22 Jun 2007, 11:44 PM
very bleak - and arrogant...I like it!
on Tirade of a Venetian Ghost by MacFrantic
22 Jun 2007, 11:41 PM
Was this a suicidal ghost?
on essence of a thought by lmp
22 Jun 2007, 11:31 PM
I am torn between wanting you to change the rhyme scheme to uniform and saying what the fuck - it's a brilliant piece of work...ah!! screw it - you know this is good! :)