replying on We're Off by Skamper
19 Aug 2007, 4:26 AM
hmmm...how bad...half flush or the full whammy including air-freshener and an embarrassed nod to the next in line?
on What the log book doesn't show by INTRANSIT
3 Jul 2007, 7:15 PM
that's poetry - brilliant
on Lamb of God by Edna Sweetlove
3 Jul 2007, 7:02 PM
at least she gave it's arse a break
replying on Consider the Grass by Dovina
1 Jul 2007, 6:16 PM
Isn't that the way of the poet - mixing of both memory and imagination. Even a memory is never true to the event. This is good stuff, I enjoyed it.
on The Demonbaker's Death by PsydewaysTears
1 Jul 2007, 6:09 PM
notice how your first stanzas are shorter lines? That works really well - stick to that. I love the fantasy/goth feel of this...
You don't need the 'night' in nightlight - we know it's dark you told us that in the first line of the second verse. Unless you are referring to the light a child may need to sleep with? Still you mention night again in line four - the flow would work better without the extra night.
on Consider the Grass by Dovina
30 Jun 2007, 6:12 PM
Surprising you find awe in grass - something I've never even considered to be wondered over. The first two lines in the last stanza bring an instant response of awe...but the grass! Interesting how your mind works with what you see.
on A See-Through Prayer by PsydewaysTears
30 Jun 2007, 5:56 PM
very song-like, with an olde feel that doesn't quite make it...the punctuation is distracting. I don't feel anything for or from this write.
on Summer Festival by Christof
30 Jun 2007, 5:47 PM
very cute just as it is
on light [edited] by lmp
29 Jun 2007, 6:22 PM
I can see the image you are trying to create, and the contrast - but, find I would be lost if it wasn't for the comments above. So, maybe you need to put the fruit in the title somehow because I keep wanting to change 'rind' to 'ring' as if it's a typo...
So it's just the act of the lie that hurts - not what is actually said. I get it, It's the nature of the truth that hurts - cancer, cheating - not the act of telling the truth. So, where's the irony? LOL...kidding, I am just dizzy from reading all the twists.