on Gone Away by ez2replace
15 Jan 2004, 12:47 PM
Life can only get better in the future, but lives in misery. Hmmm. I'll get back to you.
on Cross Pollination by Jeremi B. Handrinos
15 Jan 2004, 12:40 PM
And WHOOOMP!!!! There it is. the baby, off course.
on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 9:46 AM
Definitely better. I'd still mix it a bit more. Compare: Middleman to Lunge-fish.
Middleman was first.
Sorry to leave you hangin'. I'm trying a financial hail-mary move right now. It's fly or die time.
Middleman was first.
Sorry to leave you hangin'. I'm trying a financial hail-mary move right now. It's fly or die time.
replying on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 6:45 AM
I gots no problem with humor, it just seems out of place for this piece. But then GW just pulled it off. I dunno.
on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 6:39 AM
Skull soup is fine title-wise.
on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 6:37 AM
Not quite. intermix the theory with the cooking. Make it SLOPPY! It's too neat. We can see what's in the soup. Make us taste it. I know. It's painful to break it up and start over sort of. I can show you one of mine where My metaphor was so good I had to extend it and the poem morphed into something better. if you want.
on O Endless Angst, Thou Stingeth Me by Goad
15 Jan 2004, 6:32 AM
Your cloaking device is failing.
replying on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 6:27 AM
shit. lose the "shit" It's definitely worth giving the time to.
replying on 52 card pickup (only a test) by crwncka1
15 Jan 2004, 6:22 AM
I read in a book somewhere-"you have to be willing to write badly". It gave no mention of sexual preference. I have not read this. I did count the lines though. Good exercise for you.
replying on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 6:14 AM
Lose the expletive/replace it. Use the cooking metaphor more. Mutter more. Lighten up the Theory. A dusting will do fine here.
replying on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 6:11 AM
Keep it. Lose the expletive. That's D.A.s' territory. Dirty up this kitchen. Put it in the microwave until it's ready to explode, then open the door!!! Scoop it into a bowl and add a dusting of theory: the absurd and foolish paragon. Mutter more.
like you're talking to yourself while cooking.
OH NO! I've gone cross eyed!!!
like you're talking to yourself while cooking.
OH NO! I've gone cross eyed!!!
on Skull Soup v.2 by SupremeDreamer
15 Jan 2004, 5:58 AM
I like the title. why is the say nothing in quotes? Has it been said before? damn. that's a really good direction to take this poem. sprinkling it with the poetic theory. love the closure.
on The woods house by zodiac
15 Jan 2004, 5:51 AM
smokin' good. I don't think you need breaks at all. Look up poetandknowit and compare. Unless you are he.
on Spunkorpumpernipple by Shardik
12 Jan 2004, 6:10 PM
onewordwonderwoman.
on American Eden v.2 [revised] by SupremeDreamer
12 Jan 2004, 5:57 PM
Definitely a wee bit-o-passion in this one.
on Panda meat by horus8
12 Jan 2004, 5:53 PM
see? SEE? I'M HARMLESS COMPARED TO THAT GUY!!!! I ONLY HAUL CARS!!! ONLY 10 AT A TIME TOO!! THEY'RE NOT NEAR AS BAD AS THAT SCENARIO IS! YEAH!!
harmless, I say.
harmless, I say.
replying on New commandments by little_big_nose
12 Jan 2004, 3:54 AM
don't stop now!