on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2004, 8:15 AM
Choices. You want fries with chilicheese or or chilicheese with fries? Where are those choices I remember Lincoln/Bryant or JFK/Nixon or God/Apple? How did you stay awake? Well written. Well, there's always 2008- Arnold/Denzel.
on some deleted poem
30 Jul 2004, 8:00 AM
Birches? I thought it was a typo-
moist air stroking bitch's
white lace on porcelain skin
moist air stroking bitch's
white lace on porcelain skin
on some deleted poem
24 Jul 2004, 7:36 PM
I'm not fond of "forms" but it hangs -7- well enough.
on Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus
28 Jul 2004, 8:25 AM
The indentation differentiating between Then and Now works very well.
on The Annual January Thaw by Dovina
27 Jul 2004, 7:10 PM
Great last two lines! The reversal of whom is against what took me a re-read to get. Well worth it to someone who thinks a hike is walking to the corner 7-11 instead of taking the car.
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 7:16 PM
Reality can sure screw up both daydreams and wet dreams. Write on (but not while you drive)! -10-
on The Serpent People by horus8
27 Jul 2004, 7:19 PM
Yeah! Yea! Yes!
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 7:28 PM
Is she wearing a "white, string-theory thong bikini," S? Good tenuous thread of logic. I like it.
It seems to mean something to me, if I read it thusly,
Wake up
Sprint to burial grounds
Pool around you
let it be water
Cards have spoken
Donât wait
walls will advance
Worlds will shrink
ears will give way
Cling to a cliché
Kiss the poison as the antidote
Speak expectations to listen
Let fragrance engulf you
Did you sleep?
A poem of contradictions. Why not?
Wake up
Sprint to burial grounds
Pool around you
let it be water
Cards have spoken
Donât wait
walls will advance
Worlds will shrink
ears will give way
Cling to a cliché
Kiss the poison as the antidote
Speak expectations to listen
Let fragrance engulf you
Did you sleep?
A poem of contradictions. Why not?
on Brats by D. $ Fontera
27 Jul 2004, 7:42 PM
I know it would be a major grammar gaff but I hear it as "He brat, She brat, You brat, Me brat." Even so, it's endearing.
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 10:47 AM
"All of my rhymes seem to either express or cover what I really feel." A perfectly telling line. We think that we can hide behind the words but in the end we continue to express things we think we are covering up anyway. And in spite of all that "god stuff," a good poem. Thought provoking.
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 10:58 AM
Let's make it unanimous. -10- I hope the Melot was from one of the great California vineyards.
on Cranberry shoes by INTRANSIT
27 Jul 2004, 9:42 AM
Bitter-sweet Laotian candy. Good prose.
on some deleted poem
27 Jul 2004, 10:06 AM
I was there last night. A bit confusing at the end of stanza one and through stanza two but I think that's the point. Isn't it? The rest is straight forward (in a good way).
on Gap-Fold vs. Sour Milk by Venus
27 Jul 2004, 10:29 AM
I think it needs a refrain. Maybe just a shorter refrain. "Once... there was freshly laundered attire"
"Now... there are tank tops, etc." Let us figure out what happened. Good poem. Great ending.
"Now... there are tank tops, etc." Let us figure out what happened. Good poem. Great ending.
on Respect on a Quiet Hillside by Dovina
24 Jul 2004, 7:22 PM
Love it. How does "They paid their respects" instead of "did it" sound to you? Grandpaw was such a 'perv' (in a good way).
on Bad animal limericks by INTRANSIT
24 Jul 2004, 7:48 PM
The turtle wins!-9-
on some deleted poem
25 Jul 2004, 9:50 AM
Two poems for the price of one. Broken drum special (can't be beat).
on some deleted poem
25 Jul 2004, 9:59 AM
Is it a poem about what is vague or what's in vogue?