replying on Conscription by Caducus
1 Nov 2004, 5:23 AM
Okay GW I will explain but am surprised you never got this because as metaphors go they're not too challenging.
Mother rolled : photo in his hand
desperation eviscerated her into rips from the last embrace: the charge, the fear and adrenalin making him squeeze on to the photo in comfort thus ripping her.
the unimmaculate life, now immaculate: from a working class man in rags to a soldier, a hero, immortalized and immaculate, memorable not forgetable.
top pockets cheacked for a letter or trinket: as was the case in battlefields those with a home address were contacted so telegrams could be sent quicker.
the letter written in capitals: a reference to his age (14) shows his immaturity. Lord Litcheners recruitment of soldiers under the conscription age was a well known controversy, he sent marshals to intimidate any young man walking a street in england laden them with guilt and almost forced to sign, ignoring the age.
charred at the end pristine at the start : letter burning in the battlefield also synonymous with his life. As a child pristine as a soldier charred -dead. As a man ...it never happened his life was cut short.
The end stanza is self explanatory.
Why did you think this one in particular is incomprehensible?
Mother rolled : photo in his hand
desperation eviscerated her into rips from the last embrace: the charge, the fear and adrenalin making him squeeze on to the photo in comfort thus ripping her.
the unimmaculate life, now immaculate: from a working class man in rags to a soldier, a hero, immortalized and immaculate, memorable not forgetable.
top pockets cheacked for a letter or trinket: as was the case in battlefields those with a home address were contacted so telegrams could be sent quicker.
the letter written in capitals: a reference to his age (14) shows his immaturity. Lord Litcheners recruitment of soldiers under the conscription age was a well known controversy, he sent marshals to intimidate any young man walking a street in england laden them with guilt and almost forced to sign, ignoring the age.
charred at the end pristine at the start : letter burning in the battlefield also synonymous with his life. As a child pristine as a soldier charred -dead. As a man ...it never happened his life was cut short.
The end stanza is self explanatory.
Why did you think this one in particular is incomprehensible?
on Ghost Of Angels by Caducus
26 Oct 2004, 8:19 AM
horus please.
on Ponder on Pagan. by <{Baba^Yaga}>
12 Oct 2004, 2:53 AM
moving on up.
on Feast On Me by cuddlytiger17
12 Oct 2004, 2:52 AM
Too good for a pimple too inconsistent in quality for a poem, the idea of being feasted upon could be elaborated on sooner as the end is the strongest part but by then i lost interest.
Not bad - not good. 5
Not bad - not good. 5
on Cast Iron Coffin by D. $ Fontera
12 Oct 2004, 2:49 AM
Lose the message in brackets - fuck it
the rest is refreshingly original so for that ___7
the rest is refreshingly original so for that ___7
replying on The Company You Keep by <{Baba^Yaga}>
12 Oct 2004, 2:46 AM
Orbits = thoughts = broken particles theres stuff dripping from this.
on The Company You Keep by <{Baba^Yaga}>
12 Oct 2004, 2:43 AM
Line 2 reeks class.
on For Beth, after anal intercourse by zodiac
12 Oct 2004, 2:43 AM
Anyone who can successfully utilize rhyming insertion and person deserves a pat on the back. I hope people dont just look at this as a laugh as to me there seemed something more.
on Locomotive's Graveyard by longships
12 Oct 2004, 2:36 AM
You've given these dead loco's the kiss of life here and mucho respect for not dragging on too long with it. Lines 6/7 are can be explored further i feel, the greatness of of something now rusting away as fields bloom before them.
replying on Room 34 Ashford Hospital by Caducus
11 Oct 2004, 10:41 AM
Its about PArkinsons disease so i doubt the son deserved the rejection
on Nothing's Forever by cuddlytiger17
7 Oct 2004, 9:01 AM
too good to be a pimple where is the blood and whining?
on The Carpenters Cross by Caducus
27 Sep 2004, 9:02 AM
Written as a paradoxical viewpoint that an ironic omen could have happened in the earlier life of Jesus. This sonnet portrays Christ as a man prior to his becoming of a messiah, and the spritual elements which could have hinted to his eventual fate and demise.
I am fascinated by the possibility that Christ as a man became the 'mortal ghost' once he transcended in to a messiah, when he died as a messiah he became the holy ghost in resurrection but in his ending of a man maybe we became the unholy ghost - mortals for which he died a martyr for, so he could lead us in to his path of righteousness and not the road to hell, the road of us trying to be who we can never be.
Road = Ro(Roman) ad(anno domini) road created by romans, path created by christ.
I am fascinated by the possibility that Christ as a man became the 'mortal ghost' once he transcended in to a messiah, when he died as a messiah he became the holy ghost in resurrection but in his ending of a man maybe we became the unholy ghost - mortals for which he died a martyr for, so he could lead us in to his path of righteousness and not the road to hell, the road of us trying to be who we can never be.
Road = Ro(Roman) ad(anno domini) road created by romans, path created by christ.
replying on Wedding Day by Caducus
9 Jun 2004, 1:51 PM
I'm never bored just mystified at why you think i'm bored.
I know this is better than 3 you voted and feel chuffed on this occasion I got more than 'ugh'
I know this is better than 3 you voted and feel chuffed on this occasion I got more than 'ugh'
replying on Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus
2 Jun 2004, 3:07 PM
Why ugh ?
on Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus
2 Jun 2004, 11:31 AM
Parts of London are almost as filthy as Larkin
replying on Piccadilly to Baker Street by Caducus
2 Jun 2004, 11:30 AM
Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe?
To answer your question - yes i do.