Re: First Unborn Sun by Been Here Before	21-Feb-06/2:57 AM
This gave me shivers. Edit the typos in stanza 1 ('creeping' and 'blind') so I can give you a vote.
Re: lost souls by aamir_trichy	21-Feb-06/2:52 AM
Personally I would leave out 'Cause' (line 2) as it interrupts the flow, and I wouldn't bother with 'Tis' either. It's too archaic for the feel of this poem.
Re: Empty Chronicles by Scarlett	21-Feb-06/2:43 AM
Mmm, yes now this I like. 'Wisest not to bud', 'Inspiration melts', '"Bloom me mulberry"', so beautiful. Absolutely lovely.
Re: Home is Where the Hate Is by raven_the_poet	21-Feb-06/2:30 AM
Okay, not bad. As a general point, I'm not sure prose poems have choruses - they're supposed to be more storylike, at least in my interpretation of the term. But that isn't important right now. In the first stanza I would use 'who' instead of 'that' (as you're referring to a person rather than an object) - also the last line in stanza 1 is a bit short; it stops abruptly in comparison to the other lines. I like the way stanza 2 goes quickly - I get the impression of someone whispering it over the shoulder, get rid of 'cause' though (and split that line into 2 lines) to keep the rhythm flowing. The last stanza is good, a little untidy at the moment, but with a bit of trimming it'll be fine.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	21-Feb-06/2:13 AM
We weren't arguing, just searching for a peaceful conflict resolution. As for the edit, I like it more now - hence the improved score - but the only problem I have is that by saying 'the anvil' you imply that it's a recurring theme, or at least something you've already introduced us to before (I've been guilty of doing this on countless occasions). Is the anvil her heart, her confidence? Or are the words ricocheting back to you, deflected off her stubbornness? It seems to me that stanza 2 could be read either way, which isn't a bad thing but if you want the ambiguity then ironically enough it seems as though you need to express your desire for such ambiguity. I do like this one though. Useful, Ma'am?
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	20-Feb-06/11:53 AM
Being 'not-so-obvious' isn't the same as making less sense. A better way of putting it might be 'be more subtle'.
Re: Herman by richa	20-Feb-06/11:33 AM
Dammit, why have I not read more of your works? I was gone for too long. This is a wonderful read.
Re: a comment on Conflict Resolution by Dovina	20-Feb-06/11:06 AM
Not necessarily. If it's done right, it gives the reader all the information they need while at the same time making the reader's imagination work. A poem which gives a definite, strict reading is all very well, but better is the poem which leaves the reader feeling that they created part of the world. Does this count as rambling?
Re: a comment on The Dead Poet's Dream by drnick	20-Feb-06/11:01 AM
Both. In this one just expand the idea over a few more lines, but you could also rewrite this one with the analogy as the constant theme. You know what's just occurred to me? If you try the latter, use it to attempt a concrete image of a slope. If you're any good at manipulating text (which I'm not, much to my regret), I think it would work well. The phrases, the sentences are nice and short - making it fly by just like a skiier.
Re: Conflict Resolution by Dovina	20-Feb-06/8:27 AM
Yes, better. I think I gave this a 7 last time, so now I'll move it up a notch.
Re: a comment on The Dead Poet's Dream by drnick	20-Feb-06/8:21 AM
Any time. I also agree with ecargo - expanding the ski aspect would work well.
Re: Witch's Brew by ecargo	20-Feb-06/8:10 AM
Man I love this.
Re: a comment on You Sang To Me In A Cathedral Chamber by Ranger	20-Feb-06/7:56 AM
I'm glad you like it - high regard from the better poets here is certainly praise indeed! The spider was a semi-reference to God, in a way that people enter cathedrals and seem to be a little uncertain as to whether anything really is paying attention, plus from the spider's point of view the chamber is his 'house', just as the cathedral is God's. In contrast, its reaction to the song was a mirror of mine; I had never heard such an awe-inspiring verse before (hence the description of myself as a doll; the inexperience and discovery of childhood). The tree was an image that unfolded in my mind as I listened; imagine the life of a tree sped up so it happens in the space of just a few moments - a crescendo at birth, a verse in full bloom, and the fading final years...I'm sure it's not an original metaphor, but it seems a perfect description for a song. There's so much that I tried to fit in here, not all of it particularly well jointed together - it's fantastic that people like this, but to me it still seems untidy somehow. In time I may do another version, but I'm prepared to be patient with this one. It took me an extremely long time to write. Side note: this actually started life as a haiku - oh how things change!
Re: a comment on Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	20-Feb-06/5:32 AM
Ah, that makes sense as well. I love your style of writing, it means your poems allow such a variety of interpretations whilst retaining a definite continuity - so bravo!
Re: A Broken man by Mikius	20-Feb-06/5:17 AM
Makes me think that it should perhaps be a collection of haikus; the natural imagery fits the bill perfectly. Personally I'd change 'Trampled underfoot', as a phrase it's very worn. It took me a second read to realise the 'leaves in fall' bit, I'm not as quick with Americanisms as you are, but it works beautifully.
Re: Ben Fogle by Stephen Robins	20-Feb-06/5:02 AM
An unsung hero. Until now.
Re: Pancakes by raven_the_poet	20-Feb-06/5:01 AM
A very charming little tribute, the last stanza made me chuckle. As a student, pancakes are a long-lost joy but I swear in time that will change. On a slightly different note, it reminded me of Bush's speech about America being addicted to oil, very topical indeed.
Re: The Dead Poet's Dream by drnick	20-Feb-06/4:54 AM
Did you ever read my 'Struggling Poet's Lament'? Because I know precisely what you mean here (somewhat ironically, given the context of the poem). I like how you've dealt with the idea of everyone's interpretation of a poem being correct - especially after the poet's death, and how we tend to be overly praising of a poet posthumously ('He will misspell words/But only in pretend/His rhymes lie perfect'). Very creatively done, and pleasantly concise.
Re: Lost In Her Effervescence by ALChemy	19-Feb-06/4:12 PM
Line 8 - is it meant to be 'cry out "Swim..."'? That would seem to make more sense to me. I like 'mothering sun', I take it that is a semi-play on 'mothering sunday'? It makes that passage a neat little metaphor for life. I'm not totally sure about the last line, in a way it unbalances the 'positive/negative' equilibrium of this piece.
Re: You by terbenaw	19-Feb-06/4:02 PM
Sadly the world rarely slumbers in dreams of tranquility, but the occasion would be a wonderful thing. Anyway, this is very softly written and I like it. Personally I'd change 'velvety' to simply 'velvet' because that entire analogy is very good. Again, I like the way you refer to the moon, although I think that you could find something better than 'phosphorescent' - just my opinion though. Sadly the line 'pecan brown treasures' made me think solely of -=Dark_Angel=-, quite a shame as it's a lovely line. -=D_A=-, you have tainted my reading of poetry with your embrowning. Actually, I'd quite like to see him use that line in a poem(e)...