Re: Without my Glasses by Niphredil	19-Feb-06/2:25 AM
Very readable indeed, although I couldn't tell from experience if this is at all accurate; I shall take your word for it.
Re: Nightfall by Niphredil	19-Feb-06/2:17 AM
This is a fantastic villanelle, very well-written and extremely vivid. The only thing I would change is removing one of the 'ands' in line 7, maybe changing it to something like 'Now that it has grown late and I am free...' (a bit clumsy-sounding actually, but you get the picture). 'Weather-worn caresses'? Beautiful.
Re: a comment on You Sang To Me In A Cathedral Chamber by Ranger	19-Feb-06/2:07 AM
Actually the story was for one person in particular, but I thought I'd share it with you. If it makes it easier to read, I'll buy you a fine single malt all to yourself and give you the evening off :p Just as an aside, there are a couple of overtones thrown in here (the spider metaphor, the tree etc.) Did they come through at all? You've all suffered the Pimple years of Ranger, now is the time when I begin stage 2 of the poet's training, in the proper and effective use of metaphor. Cheers for commenting!
Re: FAT BALLET- PAS DE DEUX by andrew barnes	18-Feb-06/1:35 PM
Amusing, quite witty and good fun. I'd rather see an alternative to the 'cleverly/severally' rhyme, but that's my only real gripe.
Re: After a Show at the Lyceum by andrew barnes	18-Feb-06/1:34 PM
Yes, I like this. I'm not sure about 'father-like', it doesn't quite seem to work, other than that, nice!
Re: Gunsong by MacFrantic	18-Feb-06/1:25 PM
This is excellently structured and the content is also of high quality. Stanza III line 7 doesn't quite make sense to me - the Earth appears to be calling the demons 'graves', I must be missing something there. Other than that, I like the imagery. Last three lines are superb.
Re: Angst by Mikius	17-Feb-06/3:21 PM
I sincerely hope this was meant to amuse, because I had to chuckle at it. Knowing you, I think it was!
Re: a comment on Historical Epic by Bobjim	16-Feb-06/12:41 PM
Anyway, you've succeeded with your 'worst' mission, what's next on the agenda?
Re: a comment on A young Man’s Demise by Dovina	16-Feb-06/12:35 PM
Seems they've all been wankered. It's like being tangoed, but even more orange.
Re: Historical Epic by Bobjim	16-Feb-06/12:32 PM
Somehow made me laugh; in my simple way. I think it's picturing as a kangaroo. Kangaroos bloody always cheat. Except for when they're playing chicken with cars. They tend not to then, for some reason...
Re: a comment on Strings by Fayt	16-Feb-06/11:48 AM
I'd suggest 'String Theory' as an alternative title for this piece, although I'd also recommend finding out about string theory (so you can explain it to me...) It'd be nice to see some thought given to the strings of more pleasant names, Charity for example. Also, line 7 '...such trivial things', tell us what those trivial things are (the key is not in simply listing them, but giving a new and interesting way of describing them).
Re: a comment on Together they Fell by Fayt	16-Feb-06/11:42 AM
No worries, that's what this place is for! I was just reading through it again and I'd be interested to see if this works better as a prose poem; it is essentially a story in style, but not format. Maybe you'd consider writing it out in story form and then adding the adjectives etc. I remember seeing someone on here saying that's what they do, it might have been ALChemy, or perhaps zodiac (or maybe my memory has gone altogether...). In any case, if you have the time then give it a go - see what you come up with.
Re: Together they Fell by Fayt	16-Feb-06/9:26 AM
I like the story in this, although I feel it would benefit from more descriptive language. 'Huge pole' is very simplistic and doesn't feel right in this; even just saying 'concrete pole' puts a little more imagery into this. See what you think.
Re: The Gold and silver dress by Caducus	16-Feb-06/9:22 AM
Beautiful, stanza 3 in particular. Change 'dawn's knives' to something softer.
Re: A young Man’s Demise by Dovina	16-Feb-06/3:53 AM
Dovina, this is excellently written, but a bit long. I can't really see anything that needs removing though, maybe I'm just impatient today.
Re: a comment on Mentally Disabled by drnick	16-Feb-06/3:50 AM
Nonsense poems are the greatest. Just change 'thru' to 'through', because this is easily a nine!
Re: Stealth Assassin (draft) by Mona Lisa	16-Feb-06/3:47 AM
There's potential here, although I don't like stanzas 4 and 6. You could do well bringing out the sort of taint on the love (as you do in the last stanza) more, I think. As it's a draft I'll hold rating it for when it's edited.
Re: a comment on change (3rd draft) by Adriaan	15-Feb-06/8:18 AM
Hermit sits Still life, switching view Red leaves fall Or something like that?
Re: Panic by Bobjim	15-Feb-06/6:57 AM
Haha, yes indeed.
Re: a comment on Skating by Bobjim	15-Feb-06/6:54 AM
That's a five for the poem, and a five for that comment. Plus I want to see this in the top 10, just for laughs.