| Re: Axe Murderer by Blindproject217 |
18-Apr-03/1:15 AM |
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Nice effort at a haiku at the end.
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| Re: Hazy days by cleverdevice |
18-Apr-03/12:54 AM |
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Must agree with Fear of Garbage here, but other than that it's great!
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| Re: Where's heaven? by cleverdevice |
18-Apr-03/12:51 AM |
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| Re: a comment on The second coming by cleverdevice |
18-Apr-03/12:49 AM |
They aren't pretending that it isn't blocked any more-I asked them and apparantely it's because people were using it for 'inappropriate material', or words to that effect.
BOBJIM!!!
(Love the poem by the way!)
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| Re: Is it you by Katie |
18-Apr-03/12:42 AM |
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Excellent until the last line. Keep the ending dark, it fits in with the rest of the poem that way. Other than that it's absolutely delightful (as I'm sure my good friend Mr. Pig would say) 9
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| Re: a comment on I Am a Snob, or, 'A Definition' by JakeBike |
18-Apr-03/12:35 AM |
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| Re: a comment on I Am a Snob, or, 'A Definition' by JakeBike |
18-Apr-03/12:34 AM |
I love you P&K, and it's nice to see that I'm appreciated too! I do indeed agree that my poems are cliched and contain simple rhyme and crap.
Yet again I must agree with you about Blade, but sadly (happily?) I don't think it's likely that he'll be logging in again.
Please let me know your definition of 'Brit popper', it's bothered me for soooooo long!
Have a nice day now.
(But please if you're going to slag me off, get my name right!!!)
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| Re: a comment on Leaves by danny duke age 9 |
18-Apr-03/12:17 AM |
I didn't realise that you're a mathematical genius as well, DA! You continually astound me.
Don't worry about Dark Angel, Danny, he means no harm (I think...)
I assume (back onto the poem now, and also assuming that the author is indeed 9) that the first line "Leaves." is just the title of the poem? Don't worry about including it.
The rhythm for this poem is near impeccable and I like the way it moves. However I suggest that you need to link it together a bit more-right now it is the rawest form of the basic ideas for the poem (I'm not sure how much sense I made there, but hey).
Be more adventurous in your description, try to make me feel the breeze and the sunshine, make me hear the leaves.
How about this for an edit.
Leaves dancing in the autumn breeze
Playing inbetween the trees
I laugh and watch them tumble down
Down, down
On a carousel around they go
Swirling like a storm of snow
Not a sound is there for me to hear
But the wind so calmingly near
So blow wind, blow
Trickle through my covered toes
Until I freeze (like that line)
Until I feel the sunshine glowing on my leaves
The last line really has to be changed anyway, since the sunshine doesn't blow. I also think this is told from the point of view of the tree. Am I right or wrong?
Again, a nifty effort-keep it up dewd!
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| Re: "Mute nostril agony" Titled & inspired by Frass. by Bachus |
17-Apr-03/11:36 PM |
Fabulous, absolutely wonderful! "That pointed non fruit for lunch".
Only problem is 'apologise' (only 1 p)
Have a good day.
8
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| Re: Toute ma Vie by talking_goldfish |
17-Apr-03/11:29 PM |
Indeed. Has anyone ever had to listen to hours of contemporary French music before? It's hell.
8 I think.
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| Re: What Hobbit songs are really like... by Bobjim |
14-Apr-03/8:53 AM |
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I believe that you have just attained your highest score yet!
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| Re: Dear flatulance (dear lord) by Bobjim |
14-Apr-03/8:51 AM |
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I would have given this a ten but...oh, no I wouldn't.
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| Re: The Portal by geewhiz1962 |
9-Apr-03/11:35 AM |
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Well this really confused me, I don't know about everyone else but I believe that it needs to be clearer. I really liked the images though. I'll give it an 8, that should make up for the fact that nobody else has read it yet. Nice effort.
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| Re: Company 11 (a friendly fire agency) by <{Baba^Yaga}> |
9-Apr-03/11:31 AM |
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Interesting, certainly. Funny to a very limited extent. Um, check some of the rhyme. Probably a 7 for now.
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| Re: deleted scenes by Bill Z Bub |
9-Apr-03/11:26 AM |
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| Re: Love Greased by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
9-Apr-03/11:24 AM |
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Excellent poem. For some reason I can't get the image of exploding heroes out of my head...
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| Re: a comment on Hunting for a vessel by Nice guy |
9-Apr-03/11:21 AM |
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I really like this. I think that z is right in that there are a few too many questions. Other than that...I don't know. 8
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| Re: yo by bxjay170 |
9-Apr-03/11:19 AM |
Let the last two lines go, I don't think they really fit in with the rest. I know this sounds really shitty of me, but check the spelling a bit more, it just makes it easier for the reader.
Aside from that I love this but I would like to see more. Redraft it if you will, and I'll have another look. I think it's worth a seven. I'm in that kind of mood.
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| Re: la vieja loca con los gatos by <~> |
7-Apr-03/12:19 PM |
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Not bad. Not quite as good as some of your other stuff. Oh well.
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| Re: A Love Story For The Dead by Caducus |
6-Apr-03/8:16 AM |
Yep, I like this one too, but I would love to see more description in the second stanza. Even so I believe this is worth an 8.
("Love never dies, it stays"-one of the best lines in any of your poems)
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