on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 1:00 PM
I've got five GREEN zeros this week, and let me tell you it feels so much better
on some deleted poem
21 Sep 2003, 2:22 PM
Lets just say I am a really mean reviewer.
Read your poem over and think what things I could pick at.
Do you see?
Read your poem over and think what things I could pick at.
Do you see?
on Madam Z - [<~>] - Snake Pen & Holy Grail by SupremeDreamer
22 Sep 2003, 11:48 AM
Madame Z which is zzinnia not to be confused with Madame zinzania the circus act I guess.
baez for now
baez for now
on Wasted Words by ho_hum
26 Sep 2003, 2:25 PM
the last line I think is wasted, as it has been explained in the rest of the poem.
the breasts into an undersized bra, unwilling?
anthropomorphism?
the breasts into an undersized bra, unwilling?
anthropomorphism?
on Love doggerel by thavimatola
29 Sep 2003, 1:34 PM
Like it, especially the refreshing rhymes in the first verse
on some deleted poem
29 Sep 2003, 1:36 PM
the line pattern would probably make more sense if this poem was about diziness.
on some deleted poem
30 Sep 2003, 7:17 AM
you are asking the reader to believe you have no idea 'lightbulb in my head, it seems to be dead'
and then expecting someone to value your poem.
A small point of logic
I like the rhyme gnome and poem, if you really are short as a gnome it is even better.
and then expecting someone to value your poem.
A small point of logic
I like the rhyme gnome and poem, if you really are short as a gnome it is even better.
on some deleted poem
30 Sep 2003, 7:24 AM
A bit like a pimple poem, schoolboy insecurities.
I gather it is about being in the army, makes you sound a little wimpy.
The verses are redundant as this is a piece of prose.
I could identify with certain of your points though -7-
I gather it is about being in the army, makes you sound a little wimpy.
The verses are redundant as this is a piece of prose.
I could identify with certain of your points though -7-
on Perversions 8: The Reckoning by razorgrin
30 Sep 2003, 7:27 AM
the last one, I seem to forget what you were supposed to rhyme the last line with.
Other than that good rhythm, and in the spirit of a limerick
Other than that good rhythm, and in the spirit of a limerick
on EGG by ?-Dave_Mysterious-?
30 Sep 2003, 7:28 AM
great clarity, you are obviously a man who has no trouble grappling with your immense intellect.
on The Love of -=Dark_Angel=- and J.B.Manning by ho_hum
1 Oct 2003, 11:26 AM
Stop writing about
dark angels trite love life
noeone gives a shit
dark angels trite love life
noeone gives a shit
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 8:36 AM
a bit of an 'it' poem describing something as it but alluding to rather than building up an image.
The poem would be better with a few images to guide the reader.
Like 'it is stealth and you are dull'
The poem would be better with a few images to guide the reader.
Like 'it is stealth and you are dull'
on Tailor Made by OnTheOtherHand
3 Oct 2003, 8:40 AM
the moral of the story?
I guess that you should not have given away the suit.
If you have no use for a suit ther is precious little point in keeping it even if it does fit well.
That electric chair is damn comfy.
The poem I found flowed well but seemed a little odd.
I guess that you should not have given away the suit.
If you have no use for a suit ther is precious little point in keeping it even if it does fit well.
That electric chair is damn comfy.
The poem I found flowed well but seemed a little odd.
on On the Occasion by tadpole
3 Oct 2003, 8:51 AM
not sure about the rhyme at the end of each verse, too many words seem to interfere in between, such as whom and you.
overall pleasant,
overall pleasant,
on some deleted poem
3 Oct 2003, 12:35 PM
difficult to read, I think limericks usually have lines 1,2,5, roughly the same beat and long, and lines 2,4 the same beat and short. It could be inversed but this is neither.
As for the story being stupid, limericks kind of are, I have not read many limericks that are on serious issues, I think it is the zip and loudness that lends itself to silliness.
As for the story being stupid, limericks kind of are, I have not read many limericks that are on serious issues, I think it is the zip and loudness that lends itself to silliness.
on some deleted poem
5 Oct 2003, 12:39 PM
1 is not a haiku, I think it goes 5,6,4 rather than 5-7-5, nevertheless it is snappy and kind of within the spirit of the haiku.
This like most attacks on religion though lacks the detailed analysis required for insight.
To me religion is like Dark Angel:
the non-believers know it to be bullshit, but it seems protected by its web of paradoxes and contradictions.
This like most attacks on religion though lacks the detailed analysis required for insight.
To me religion is like Dark Angel:
the non-believers know it to be bullshit, but it seems protected by its web of paradoxes and contradictions.
on Bar Tale 2.0 by jessicazee
5 Oct 2003, 12:45 PM
white and irish - cant be a gangster then.
It isn't really much of a poem, but it is a well structured story (providing it is going anywhere)
It isn't really much of a poem, but it is a well structured story (providing it is going anywhere)
on Painted Air by New Life Drug
5 Oct 2003, 12:53 PM
well carried, nice rhythm, a little prosaic.
And crickets never sing
through all four seasons
was my favourite phrase
And crickets never sing
through all four seasons
was my favourite phrase
on some deleted poem
5 Oct 2003, 12:59 PM
'you fingered out the route'? a bit graphic perhaps
yes I get this, you are boring your kid with details you think important, and he trying to emulate you replies with details you find irrelevant, therefore reflecting on yourself.
could do with a little more lively poetic original language though
oh yeh and the relevance of perception is it stops you walking into walls
yes I get this, you are boring your kid with details you think important, and he trying to emulate you replies with details you find irrelevant, therefore reflecting on yourself.
could do with a little more lively poetic original language though
oh yeh and the relevance of perception is it stops you walking into walls
Is the second line not 6 syllables though?