on Spread Deep in Fresh Meat by abecedarian
14 Oct 2003, 7:14 AM
first verse could do with being a bit sharper.
Other than that yes, seems to say something, what will be will be
Other than that yes, seems to say something, what will be will be
on some deleted poem
14 Oct 2003, 7:25 AM
readable but....
the first verse questions can not be answered so simply, especially when you have to rhyme dead with bed.
the first verse questions can not be answered so simply, especially when you have to rhyme dead with bed.
on Dancing on Glass by thepinkbunnyofdoom
14 Oct 2003, 7:32 AM
some good lines, but the images seem to come out of nowhere, difficult to get a handle on
on some deleted poem
14 Oct 2003, 7:41 AM
The obvious antecedent is Lady Lazarus.
There is the stencil of that here, a lot less oblique though and the two characters are handled well.
The lively voice makes this poem accessible, but the title seems a bit prosaic, too wide in scope
There is the stencil of that here, a lot less oblique though and the two characters are handled well.
The lively voice makes this poem accessible, but the title seems a bit prosaic, too wide in scope
on Why? by MercedezDream
14 Oct 2003, 7:44 AM
Out of all the rhymes to steal you take bitch and itch from some pink song?
on some deleted poem
7 Oct 2003, 6:13 AM
a little experiment in metre (actually using it)
on Who are the best poets on poemranker? (A list by me) by Jeremi B. Handrinos
7 Oct 2003, 9:04 AM
mr pig?
on Blissful the Fungae Forest by peaceseeker
5 Oct 2003, 1:05 PM
the rhythm breaks down a bit at 'through the mountain valley blissful the fungae forest meaty mushrooms'
overall it flows pretty well though
like the leafs fall at the beginning, could do with compacting though
overall it flows pretty well though
like the leafs fall at the beginning, could do with compacting though
on Drunken Night by Ataryu
5 Oct 2003, 1:10 PM
'Now I die' seems hyperbolic and a lot of the rhymes seem forced 'knee/me, swim dim'
Still fast flowing and not too painful
Still fast flowing and not too painful
on such a horrible thing to waste by Freethinker1602
6 Oct 2003, 10:59 AM
I think a pimple should be unsubtle, but still express some kind of emotion.
Flow is good, kind of like conversation
Flow is good, kind of like conversation
on the meeting by richa
6 Oct 2003, 10:38 AM
trying to get a feeling of physical distance with the last line.
on some deleted poem
6 Oct 2003, 10:48 AM
As the first verse means nothing by itself, I would shuffle it.
By the second verse I was getting impatient.
There seems to be a single rhyme running through- crave/ face/ faint/ place. Nice little innovation helps with flow.
I just wish there was something a little dark to punch me on the last line.
By the second verse I was getting impatient.
There seems to be a single rhyme running through- crave/ face/ faint/ place. Nice little innovation helps with flow.
I just wish there was something a little dark to punch me on the last line.
on My love for Katie by Stephen Robins
6 Oct 2003, 10:51 AM
If you are a stranger making lewd comments about a young katie, then you are disgusting.
If she is your sister or something, I guess it is OK
If she is your sister or something, I guess it is OK
on Orchidess by abecedarian
7 Oct 2003, 5:35 AM
overall a good complete poem.
I don't think you need the lines 'gametic knife' or 'allure abounds'.
Such phrases are already inferred I think.
This poem has a certain frisson without.
I don't think you need the lines 'gametic knife' or 'allure abounds'.
Such phrases are already inferred I think.
This poem has a certain frisson without.
on silent struggle by princesszoe
7 Oct 2003, 6:03 AM
all the deepest's protest too much of your feelings.
and tears drip from the depth? upwards?.
But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling
and tears drip from the depth? upwards?.
But there does seem to be a poem here, a skeleton of feeling
on Ravens Flight - Voices of Spite (My First Ever Vilanelle) by Don-Quixote
7 Oct 2003, 6:09 AM
OK mainly flows I think, and some nice material
bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in
gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.
bit too slow though for the repetition to kick in
gay is too easy a rhyme, and is far more loaded to meaning homosexual, which would mean your feathered foe was singing something like Y.M.C.A.
on Primal Reality by peaceseeker
7 Oct 2003, 12:25 PM
the individual verse don't seem to hang together very well.
like the little rhymes running through the first verse, and flocks and hops
like the little rhymes running through the first verse, and flocks and hops
on some deleted poem
7 Oct 2003, 12:31 PM
I know that broken heart is figurative, but jagged lungs and shattered ribs?
Viewing death dispassionately without sentimentality I guess, yes good.
But why are you scared of the alarm, what could the unknown do to someone who is unafraid of dying.
or just a play on the figurative 'scare me to death'