on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2003, 3:57 AM
the lack of cliche and plain prose makes this valuable in a way. But I think it is a bit dull and the olde language is distracting. I can't really grab a line of reasoning from such a dense piece as well
on in here (i lost a piece of my mind) by nolan
10 Jul 2003, 4:01 AM
the first verse I will break free to I will be free. Has potential to work but I think you need to use the same repetition in the other verses
on What I Remember by leviathan
10 Jul 2003, 4:09 AM
varied selection of words and I like your verse structure. However some of the imagery doesn't really lure me into the poem and I think more basic elements of language would help
on What I Remember by leviathan
10 Jul 2003, 4:09 AM
varied selection of words and I like your verse structure. However some of the imagery doesn't really lure me into the poem and I think more basic elements of language would help
on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2003, 4:14 AM
not bad, quite a tight effort
on Omerta el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}>
10 Jul 2003, 4:21 AM
enjoyable to read, ambiguous yes but with certain bits to hang on to like 'boys ride by laughing on bikes'
on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2003, 3:54 AM
nice selection of words. It conveys quite a dreamy feel with the imagery. But I think it lacks something to grab the reader
on "last needle" by nolan
10 Jul 2003, 4:03 AM
try not to rhyme so loudly when addressing serious issues.
by the way I don't believe you to be addicted to anything. This is not focused enough
by the way I don't believe you to be addicted to anything. This is not focused enough
on What I Remember by leviathan
10 Jul 2003, 4:09 AM
varied selection of words and I like your verse structure. However some of the imagery doesn't really lure me into the poem and I think more basic elements of language would help
on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2003, 4:13 AM
the paw reference usually applies to dogs and it makes me feel this is about a dog, but there is little further evidence. In fact this poem doesn't offer much for me to get into.
still some of the language is of interest
still some of the language is of interest
on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2003, 4:17 AM
reads a bit too fast for a poem not about the pace of change.
Some useful lines
Some useful lines
on Cannibalism by Enki
10 Jul 2003, 4:23 AM
yes I like hot spices with flesh and this haiku
on Things by MrsGretchen
7 Jul 2003, 2:24 PM
I like your half rhyme, things and screams. And I like the final two lines too
on some deleted poem
10 Jul 2003, 3:29 AM
'And poetry is reduced to a general surgeon's warning'
what does that mean?
and how does toxicity pacify rain?
what does that mean?
and how does toxicity pacify rain?
on On Leaving an Awful Pub Job by razorgrin
8 Jul 2003, 2:25 AM
first ones good, i'm sure the other ones been done before though
on love sick by rymemaster
8 Jul 2003, 2:31 AM
living the life of the sick and insane? I'm not sure about that line
you told me your feeling/but you aint givin/ no reason for believin
(that is to say more insight needed)
you told me your feeling/but you aint givin/ no reason for believin
(that is to say more insight needed)
on Priceless Moment by thepinkbunnyofdoom
7 Jul 2003, 2:26 PM
a comment nice and succinct is the essence of poetry for me. This is not a haiku but never mind