on some deleted poem
5 Jul 2003, 3:22 AM
haiku like in brevity, nice
on Crowning Achievement by MrsGretchen
7 Jul 2003, 11:04 AM
you shouldn't veer from your rhyme schem as in verse 4 it is off putting.
quite vague really and not anchored to anything
the first verse sets the intention well and I like the half-rhyme years and scars though
quite vague really and not anchored to anything
the first verse sets the intention well and I like the half-rhyme years and scars though
on some deleted poem
6 Jul 2003, 2:47 PM
makes perfect sense to me
pretty good, think you might be condemning yourself with your own pen though
should watch out for that
pretty good, think you might be condemning yourself with your own pen though
should watch out for that
on lucid building peace by nolan
6 Jul 2003, 4:40 AM
'the dead are unborn' well summed up
lots of things to make you think here
lots of things to make you think here
on Hi, my name is "Look at me, Stop it!" I'm Bi-polar by horus8
5 Jul 2003, 1:51 PM
bipolar disorder tends to work in cycles. If someone changes moods so quickly as that I suggest it is the cocaine not the bipolar.
Nice though. Westerners are so precious with their illnesses
Nice though. Westerners are so precious with their illnesses
on Independence Day (the speech from the film) by scitz
5 Jul 2003, 1:58 PM
'we must learn to love one another AND die'
and
'i will not go down under the ground/cos somebody tells me that deaths comin round'
just a couple of quotes with reference to this transcription
and
'i will not go down under the ground/cos somebody tells me that deaths comin round'
just a couple of quotes with reference to this transcription
on Caesar and the Giant. (revised) by SupremeDreamer
5 Jul 2003, 2:02 PM
one of the best 'winge about settle' poems. There should be an award
on some deleted poem
6 Jul 2003, 4:43 AM
fit me like a miracle?
Last two lines are ok. Evokes thoughts of drowning
Last two lines are ok. Evokes thoughts of drowning
on Poetic Soup [revised] by SupremeDreamer
5 Jul 2003, 3:34 AM
Insightful and communicative
on The Artists Creation by Kitch
3 Jul 2003, 6:53 AM
nothing he feels/ addict to a needle? what about withdrawal
like the hyena analogy
like the hyena analogy
on Lycanthropes and L-dopamine by horus8
4 Jul 2003, 8:27 AM
irreverent, funny role reversal
do you mean L-DOPA in the title?
the drug given to people with parkinsons that made them all schizophrenic
do you mean L-DOPA in the title?
the drug given to people with parkinsons that made them all schizophrenic
on Untitled #13 by david
4 Jul 2003, 1:36 PM
reads well.
heavily influenced by biblical imagery I think
painful in nature/ubiquitous in effect is a nice play on words
nice simple words to build a picture, not too tied to loaded terms
heavily influenced by biblical imagery I think
painful in nature/ubiquitous in effect is a nice play on words
nice simple words to build a picture, not too tied to loaded terms
on Mirror to Mirror by Roisin
3 Jul 2003, 9:45 AM
reads well
the title mirror mirror is a bit overused
good ending structure, perhaps the words a bit cliched
other than that good, I like your use of modern language
the title mirror mirror is a bit overused
good ending structure, perhaps the words a bit cliched
other than that good, I like your use of modern language
on Fall Of The Heartlands by Mr Pig
4 Jul 2003, 8:24 AM
fine selection of language, the traditional with the new
the final line is good about the sword through the ventricles of a heartland. Streams as veins. I think the pneumatic part is mixing metaphors though.
this is definitely one of your best
the final line is good about the sword through the ventricles of a heartland. Streams as veins. I think the pneumatic part is mixing metaphors though.
this is definitely one of your best
on Misgivings by Topaz Servias
4 Jul 2003, 8:19 AM
this needs a bit more of you in it, the lack of originality detracts from the feeling you want to get across.
what I do like about this is the rhythm and sonority, even though you don't appear to be explicitly rhyming your words.
what I do like about this is the rhythm and sonority, even though you don't appear to be explicitly rhyming your words.
on some deleted poem
3 Jul 2003, 6:59 AM
fast running
perhaps needs a little shortening
get rid of the prose/ predictable stuff
perhaps needs a little shortening
get rid of the prose/ predictable stuff
on SHAME AND THE OLD MANS CANDLE by Garrett S Sexton
5 Jul 2003, 3:24 AM
the tone of the poem seemed so benign as well. I didn't get it until the end
clever
clever
not entirely unpornographic though