Comments byricha, 941–960 back. Include replies

on Watching My Childhood Vanish by Caducus 1 Jul 2003, 10:55 AM
sentiment done many times before about the childhood den etc

imagery good and placed in a very definite place



on walking by Dangzter 3 Jul 2003, 6:26 AM
senseless addiction of america is a bit politicised and lacks subtelty.

other than that this has a good musical rhythm, i like it
on My last ever poemranker transmission by King Abdullah II 3 Jul 2003, 6:50 AM
let us for a moment
pretend we were poets
on My last ever poemranker transmission by King Abdullah II 3 Jul 2003, 6:30 AM
I knew horus8 and jeremy b were the same but bachus?
bachus was a shit to me the other day none of the others were

glad you didn't mention me i'm kind of sensitive

yours richard

ps i have these thoughts sometimes too
on some deleted poem 1 Jul 2003, 10:51 AM
see philosophy of science is easy
on Standing by the Sea by thepinkbunnyofdoom 1 Jul 2003, 10:59 AM
definitely an 'other'

interesting, like an individuals log from the point of the observer, extra points for that.

I think you could miss out the end bit explaining it, it is not really needed
on Poetic Soup [revised] by SupremeDreamer 1 Jul 2003, 11:03 AM
the computer feel is a bit corner.

other than that it sets itself an ambition and answers it, well reasoned.

cooking for food is an interesting link, Plath used to do lots of baking before writing.
on STIGMA / MUSEHEART by JoyLuck 1 Jul 2003, 11:08 AM
stigma an interesting word to use.

i think of stigmata which draws a link with the first verse somehow in its explicitness.
on Blind Walk Into Poem Ranker by DreamerSupreme 28 Jun 2003, 11:33 AM
the 'first I met' and 'subsequent' every verse makes this look a bit like a list rather than something more cohesive.

gnome and dome seems a little contrived

yoda and pepsi cola is funny and modern and nice touch to end every verse with a none rhyme having rhymed through the verse. It kind of asks a question of what is coming next.
on Pilgrimage by Christof 24 Jun 2003, 1:34 PM
excellent flow

nothing that really grabs me though, it was over so fast
on The Park Bench by Mr Pig 25 Jun 2003, 11:42 AM
the aquarius and not interested rhyme rushes the poem along well

i think you use very quiete rhymes which gives this a gentle quality

not as much vivid imagery as in your other memory poems though
on Tomorrow by Quarton 24 Jun 2003, 1:23 PM
dont use .... you are supposed to use language to achieve such an effect

i think the scope of this is too great for such a short poem too
on Maman: Psychic Tophet by SupremeDreamer 24 Jun 2003, 1:28 PM
yes this needs much shortening,

the twists for me are the creative uses of language in between the babble

but there is lots of good stuff
on The Dry Wash by Kitch 24 Jun 2003, 1:32 PM
quite good

im not sure the two verses necessarily hang

like a landscape painting really, which is difficult to express in poems ask bob dylan
on Fusion by Kitch 22 Jun 2003, 6:36 AM
first two lines of second verse are good

a few cliches in the first verse though
on sink by daniella 22 Jun 2003, 6:39 AM
yes nice little rhyme and insight
on where once by daniella 22 Jun 2003, 6:43 AM
quite interesting, similar style to 'the force that through the green fuse drives the flower' by dylan thomas.

causing a certain feeling of rush of change of uncertainty
on Full another terrific love ballad by John K.Y. by Bachus 19 Jun 2003, 10:14 AM
i don't like being savage about people so i will simply register my agreeance with bachus
on The Shoulder War by Kitch 28 Jun 2003, 11:27 AM
first verse you mention 'you dried them' I know you mean tears but having to think about it ruins the rhythm.

the rest of the first verse is quite sweet

I wouldn't bother with the jelly and belly rhyme in the third
on Hot Potato by Shardik 19 Jun 2003, 10:11 AM
yes, best way
they'll all kill eachother in the end