on The cross roads by Jeremi B. Handrinos
31 Mar 2003, 1:34 PM
Nice. I like it. This style is fun to play with. 7.
replying on 12 O'Clock New Year's Eve by hdw
31 Mar 2003, 1:05 AM
By the by, if I came off sounding like I think I'm the greatest or like an elietest, I'm sorry. I'm not really. There are many poets here who constently humble me with their work. I was only trying to give friendly advice.
on 12 O'Clock New Year's Eve by hdw
31 Mar 2003, 1:02 AM
Try not to be offended by this. I'm going to be honest and blunt. If you just hate me and go on a spiteful rage that's ok, you wouldn't be the first one, but I'd rather you think about what I say. You are quite lacking as a poet. You have things to say, good first step. Now they need to be molded into something a bit more artistic. Mind you artistic words with no meaning aren't much fun either. We have more than enough of that on this site. Find the balence, come back and let us see. Try metaphor and similie. They help a lot. I'm looking forward to seeing an improvement from you. Good luck and happy writing.
on Day to Day by thepinkbunnyofdoom
29 Mar 2003, 1:02 PM
Line 4: absolutely
Line 7: Seems kind of muddled. Maybe "As I stand in the raging storm on what was once a bright and sunny day"
Line 8: If it's stormy it's not really empty. Maybe "stormy and gray" (Or synonymous words to avoid repetition)
I don't understand some of the words you choose to capitalize. For a title, "Turbulence" ?
Line 7: Seems kind of muddled. Maybe "As I stand in the raging storm on what was once a bright and sunny day"
Line 8: If it's stormy it's not really empty. Maybe "stormy and gray" (Or synonymous words to avoid repetition)
I don't understand some of the words you choose to capitalize. For a title, "Turbulence" ?
on Guitar Lesson by Dancer
28 Mar 2003, 10:17 AM
Line five: Smoke
The rest: Good stuff.
The rest: Good stuff.
replying on My Tomahawk goes up, UP, AND AWAY! by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Mar 2003, 10:48 AM
Robbie is an ugly mo... umm... father fucker isn't he?
Maybe if you could point out some of your more serious stuff to me then? I really enjoyed the few serious ones I found but like you said you have lots of stuff on here. It's kind of hard to shift through it all.
Maybe if you could point out some of your more serious stuff to me then? I really enjoyed the few serious ones I found but like you said you have lots of stuff on here. It's kind of hard to shift through it all.
replying on The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted by OneFingerAnswer
21 Mar 2003, 10:43 AM
Thanks. I'll look at that. I wasn't trying to be a smartass. I welcome comments like yours.
replying on My Tomahawk goes up, UP, AND AWAY! by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Mar 2003, 2:21 AM
"Breakin the law! Breakin the law!" I think that it was interesting to see the breaking of the rules of the form but I'd like to see more substance and meaning to your stuff. No offence meant by that. You're great with images and mixing obscure and pop references into your works but when they come together I'm often left wondering why.
If murder were the penalty for bad poetry there would be no poets. Every poet writes a stinker once in a while. Or maybe twice.
If murder were the penalty for bad poetry there would be no poets. Every poet writes a stinker once in a while. Or maybe twice.
replying on Monday night football, Tueasday? War. by Jeremi B. Handrinos
21 Mar 2003, 2:13 AM
"Fuck the what?" does make a more interesting question. The answer may be something to fear though.
on Horse meat & pistols by <{Baba^Yaga}>
18 Mar 2003, 9:58 PM
Ahh poor Orson. :( I was rooting for him too. Oh well. 8.
replying on The Beauty of His Last Night Wasted by OneFingerAnswer
18 Mar 2003, 8:11 PM
Mind if I ask where those would be?
on What Do You Want From Me? by Bonehiss
15 Mar 2003, 1:53 AM
You answered your own question. They just want to be friends. Sucks don't it?
replying on Charm by OneFingerAnswer
13 Mar 2003, 3:29 AM
Yes it is late. That's where my typo came in too. Yeah I wanted to ask you for help on something, I'm not one who loves the phome though... maybe e-mail? crzyhorse18@yahoo or msn.com. I check both at least once a day.
replying on Text Messages Sent by blueENDyellow
11 Mar 2003, 2:16 AM
Idiots are far worse then the smug ones. So are people who use caps lock. Then again I think those are covered in the category of idiots. A smug idiot maybe the worst of them all.
on A Tale of Peter Pan by NewbieMe
11 Mar 2003, 2:12 AM
I don't really like Wendy's answer. I also don't like that they know they're characters in a book. Maybe if you made is something that actually worked with the way the story goes (He escapes for a while but then gets pulled back in a la Hook) Wendy's answer would be better. Just having her tell him that he can't change things doesn't work for me.
By the way "trap" in the 4th line from the end should be "trapped"
By the way "trap" in the 4th line from the end should be "trapped"
on Departing by scornofangels
11 Mar 2003, 1:59 AM
Ahh.. someone gave you the classic "I'm a dick so I'll vote 0 with no reasoning." vote. I liked it though. Sad but determined not to be. Fatalism without resignation. 6.
on The Drunkest ever by horus8
6 Mar 2003, 4:00 AM
I like it lots. I don't understand the last line's relevence but I'm sure you'd be happy to explain. By the way, is there an instant messanger program that you use? No need to put your sn up. Just tell me the program and I'll tell you mine. I'd like to ask you for some help with a piece that isn't even ready for this site yet. Mostly because it's more of an idea than a piece.
replying on Text Messages Sent by blueENDyellow
6 Mar 2003, 3:51 AM
Don't worry about anything DA says. He's kind of this site's Tajiri. I'm sure you know what I mean.
replying on The Fire Giver by OneFingerAnswer
6 Mar 2003, 3:47 AM
No problem with the misunderstanding. It's a little hard to get at if it's not pointed out.
And Wow! A 10? I never give tens and never in my wildest dreams expected to get one. Thanks.
And Wow! A 10? I never give tens and never in my wildest dreams expected to get one. Thanks.