on A Losing Streak by Jigg
5 Mar 2003, 5:24 PM
The last line gave me quite the chuckle. The rest was decent enough. 6.
replying on Whales by Jeremi B. Handrinos
5 Mar 2003, 5:19 PM
Yes and yes. But you're the author so if it doesn't to you then whatever.
on Prometheus sang for vultures by horus8
5 Mar 2003, 2:11 PM
Hmmm... I wrote something simular in a poem not too long ago.
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Yours is short, sweet (or bitter rather), and to point. 7.
http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.j
Yours is short, sweet (or bitter rather), and to point. 7.
on Whales by Jeremi B. Handrinos
5 Mar 2003, 1:32 AM
I remember in third grade I wrote
Save the whales
Save them all
Save the whales
Big and small
I thought I was a genius. I later found out I was wrong.
"All(1)+ people(2)+ are(1)+ flawed(2)" = 6.
Maybe...
"All people are flaws"
It's a little harsher but it fits.
Save the whales
Save them all
Save the whales
Big and small
I thought I was a genius. I later found out I was wrong.
"All(1)+ people(2)+ are(1)+ flawed(2)" = 6.
Maybe...
"All people are flaws"
It's a little harsher but it fits.
on Something for Lynn by Jeremi B. Handrinos
5 Mar 2003, 1:19 AM
I really have nothing to say. I think it's about as solid as it gets. 9. And only cause I don't give 10's.
replying on Look Who's Talking by OneFingerAnswer
5 Mar 2003, 1:15 AM
Yeah it should be with in but I don't think that's worthy of an edit. (I'm lazy.)
I'm glad you metioned the content because I want to get that out of the way early. This isn't about God and Satan as dieties or religious figures. Rather it's about "good" and "bad." One way I was taking it was the idea that good behavior doesn't attract much attention. I actually had one of my classmates from highschool in mind. He was a "good kid" and all through high school he was B/C average. Three days before graduation he ran himself into a tree in the car his parents had bought him as a graduation present. He lived through it even though he hadn't meant to. When I asked him why he did it he said "To be remembered." To be honest, I think it worked.
I'm glad you metioned the content because I want to get that out of the way early. This isn't about God and Satan as dieties or religious figures. Rather it's about "good" and "bad." One way I was taking it was the idea that good behavior doesn't attract much attention. I actually had one of my classmates from highschool in mind. He was a "good kid" and all through high school he was B/C average. Three days before graduation he ran himself into a tree in the car his parents had bought him as a graduation present. He lived through it even though he hadn't meant to. When I asked him why he did it he said "To be remembered." To be honest, I think it worked.
on For her he swam with sharks by Shardik
2 Mar 2003, 6:09 PM
Hidden meaning? I can't find it. Your vagueness needs to be balanced with hints. Too much vague and you aren't understood. Too many hints and it's no fun.
on For those who play with shit by <{Baba^Yaga}>
2 Mar 2003, 6:02 PM
Hmmmm....Topic isn't great. Style isn't great. Poem isn't great. I think I do detect a pattern. I expected better from you.
Next?
Next?
on FIRETRUCK by Garrett S Sexton
1 Mar 2003, 1:17 AM
50? Uch! Good poem but that's gross. Some one better warn the mechanic.
on sandbars by rompingcat
1 Mar 2003, 12:30 AM
Nice images with bad connections. The first stanza doesn't even seem to belong there.
on first kiss by lost in america
1 Mar 2003, 12:23 AM
I like it. Reminds me of myself not too long ago. Sweet. Innocent. Naive? Good luck. (6)
replying on The Fate of the Gilt by OneFingerAnswer
26 Feb 2003, 6:31 PM
Yeah I guess it should be shouldn't it? That's what happens when I write after two days of no sleep. Creativity up, (or inhibition down if you prefer) grammer/organization down.
What does the "e" mean?
What does the "e" mean?
on without a father by judea
26 Feb 2003, 12:29 AM
I'm not sure if it was intentional or not but the lack of punctuation and capitalization together with the rhyme scheme lend the poem a childish feel but the words and tense give it a clashing more adolescent feel. I think that a rewrite with words more appropriate for a child and with a present tense or punctuation and capitalization could help. If the lack of the two is just laziness then shame on you. A poet should know that every part of a work plays into how it is read.
replying on a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub
26 Feb 2003, 12:16 AM
Then again, purple is the color associated with sex as are exotic things. An since it says "exotic purple scent" it could just be your own pheromones at the site of her that you smelled. So long, as she finds being sexy a positive it could be a compliment to who ever your sweet little flower is.
on More from unlucky janitors by Bachus
26 Feb 2003, 12:00 AM
What buiding is this? I'd like to avoid Stan and his freindless colleague
replying on On The First Night by OneFingerAnswer
24 Feb 2003, 9:39 AM
Although this was a spur of the moment piece and thus I think it fits to be more sentiment than concrete I'd be willing to take suggestions on ways to revise.
replying on Ad patres el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}>
24 Feb 2003, 1:29 AM
"Thus, anyone who liked this poem who isn't a male hustler is liking it because the subject matter is novel, and because it is written well enough to believe that it really means something to someone somewhere."
Do you really believe that line of shit? You mean that you can't feel sorry for a child that's been molested unless you yourself have been molested? You mean that you can't feel sorry for a person who can't find employment unless you've ever had the problem? You mean that you can't have sympathy with out total, utter, and complete empathy? What ever happened to crossing that gap? Maybe I've never been a male prositute but I can relate to being shunned for other choices I've made (and some things that aren't choices). Have you never made a wrong choice and been aware that others knew it? Have you never looked into the eyes of another person and been able to see that they didn't like either you or actions? That is all it takes to empathise with the poor fellow. If you haven't the thought alone should stir some sympathy in you. I can also relate to being broken hearted. That is something I would think that even if you had never been through you would feel sorry for him about.
Do you really believe that line of shit? You mean that you can't feel sorry for a child that's been molested unless you yourself have been molested? You mean that you can't feel sorry for a person who can't find employment unless you've ever had the problem? You mean that you can't have sympathy with out total, utter, and complete empathy? What ever happened to crossing that gap? Maybe I've never been a male prositute but I can relate to being shunned for other choices I've made (and some things that aren't choices). Have you never made a wrong choice and been aware that others knew it? Have you never looked into the eyes of another person and been able to see that they didn't like either you or actions? That is all it takes to empathise with the poor fellow. If you haven't the thought alone should stir some sympathy in you. I can also relate to being broken hearted. That is something I would think that even if you had never been through you would feel sorry for him about.
on Lamente el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}>
24 Feb 2003, 1:03 AM
It's good. He must be too if he can afford Grey Goose. 7.
on Have You Ever Felt That? by NewbieMe
21 Feb 2003, 10:04 AM
Yes I have. A Summer living pretty much alone on a college campus will do that to you. On the other hand when everyone comes back in the Fall you appreciate the company that much more.