on My final poem by lee's tommy
9 May 2003, 11:48 PM
Hmmmm... A little melodramatic and defiantly not worthy of a darwin awarde. Try being either steping out of the norm, in how you kill yourself or describe it in a very detailed account till either the point of; last dying breath, lost strengh to continue writing, or shortly after regret for taking your life has just begun(anything longer than 3 lines there tends to get old). I prefer an odd way to die mixed with lose of ablitity to write further. -3-
on some deleted poem
10 May 2003, 12:03 AM
How can you not fit into a crowd somewhere? Sure I can beleive the heart breaker and the trendsetter bit, I mean most people aren't. I think your pushing your feelings of alienation into a hyperbole. A big one. Plus by standing not Its the people that don't set trends or have "real friends" that end up being talked about, just not in front of their face, cause that wouldn't be nice. Your not really saying anything special here that hasn't been said a thousand times in a better way with more depth and detail. I'm a big fan of lyrics but these aren't that grand. -4-
on Totem Pole by horus8
8 May 2003, 5:16 PM
Seems to me that there are a few awkward places if I read it out loud. Other than the "We've got a hundred reasons to live;" it seems to extend just about a breath too far compared to the rest of the lyric. Very nice tho -9-
on some deleted poem
8 May 2003, 5:31 PM
Good, and I think that the abrupt ending furthers the exhaustion that you clearly express in this poem.
-8-
:)
-8-
:)
on kruder&dorfmeister by rockinindividual
3 May 2003, 1:48 PM
I felt like this didn't hold my attention too well. Its not bad but it is lacking in some aspect that I feel could be there but isn't(I have no clue what it is either and thats driving me nuts). Its held back when it needs to read more smooth and sexy like a coffee house music. -5-
on waking up to fucking reality by d35
28 Apr 2003, 6:20 PM
Cruel Fate. Oh well, anyway I like the way that it was detached and could have several different meanings. -10-
on The band "Sigh" aced their MENSA tests by Jeremi B. Handrinos
28 Apr 2003, 6:27 PM
See what happens when you obey your parents? -10-
on To Be by Gothicnightmare
28 Apr 2003, 6:39 PM
Oi Blah Vay! You didn't. You just didn't! For Chirst Sake you Didn't okay!! You are not a mass serial killer nor will you ever be(because you post poems like this on the internet and people start watching you like a hawk) so no!. I can't call this trash because it at least has some good imagery(just a little) but Geeze Louise there is no real strength as a lyric and it reads like a bad metallica song(no offense to said band) from after load. I try and be nice, really I do, and I hope you don't take offense but this is not a winner in my books. -1-
on some deleted poem
28 Apr 2003, 6:43 PM
Nice. A bit dark but still nice. Very crisp mental video in my head. -9-
on he was the one i had written about before i met him by rockinindividual
28 Apr 2003, 6:47 PM
If I was girl I'd kiss him goodnight but since I'm not I'd say "see ya later" -8-
on some deleted poem
22 Apr 2003, 7:37 PM
Very well put.
on some deleted poem
22 Apr 2003, 7:42 PM
Odd switch from third to first person at the beginning but interesting none the less. I think it could use some more work but its not bad. -6-
on glazed point of view by sir_heff
22 Apr 2003, 7:46 PM
spoken like somebody whose been tokin, but do why can't you pass that shit? Cause the bunny wants a hit! -9-
on beat myself with a stick by sir_heff
22 Apr 2003, 7:51 PM
Funny but, it seems to ryhme too much(if thats possible) -7-
on some deleted poem
3 May 2003, 1:40 PM
Yes I must say thats kinda fucked up. If it wasn't so funny I'd said that a convo couldn't be poetic but I don't care. -10-
This was LMAOF!!
This was LMAOF!!
on some deleted poem
22 Apr 2003, 7:39 PM
Utterly insane. I love you. -9-
on god damn P.D.A. by sir_heff
22 Apr 2003, 7:49 PM
Yeah I know Exactly how you feel. -10-
Plus I give you this too
-8-
From the blind deaf and mute