on rainfall saga 7 by Bill Z Bub
24 Oct 2003, 5:59 AM
Hey! This is much better. I'll bump you up to a five.
on Three Fall by <~>
24 Oct 2003, 6:09 AM
This begs for repeated reads, and gets better with each one.
on some deleted poem
24 Oct 2003, 6:29 AM
The image is strong even if the vernacular bugs me a little. Double suffixes (as in "fascistic") drive me crazy and do not read well. "Dark corps" is great in this context. This is on the better side of goth.
on every moment will soon be memory by calliope
24 Oct 2003, 6:35 AM
I can appreciate a sober thought expressed clearly and simply. Agree with Bill though, the elipse is pointless.
on Breasts by Stephen Robins
24 Oct 2003, 6:42 AM
I feel your pain. And the Coleridge reference is cute.
on some deleted poem
24 Oct 2003, 6:47 AM
I like it. I'd clean up the last two lines. Perhaps "clad in dust and web" or something...but not quite that pretentious, 'cuz that's my style.
on falling in with the wrong crowd. by richa
24 Oct 2003, 6:55 AM
It's very clear, yet vague enough to keep me meditating upon the metaphor. The senile woman version sounds like it would be a little more story-like, but I'd like to read it none the less.
on Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend
12 Dec 2004, 2:26 AM
That is simply because you are not experienced. But for 5 bucks a hit... you could be.
on That One Time Last Summer, Remember? by jessicazee
12 Dec 2004, 3:18 AM
Inexplicibly good! I get a great feeling from this. Both intimate and delicate. 10
on Going Camping by jessicazee
12 Dec 2004, 3:21 AM
This is a good sketch for the poem that evolved from it.
on Tonight by jessicazee
12 Dec 2004, 3:28 AM
Wow! I can't understand the low scores on this one. Even when your writing is a little unhinged I find you establish a feeling. Maybe it's just because I'm a nature nut.
on Things I Will Never Do by jessicazee
12 Dec 2004, 3:41 AM
Hilarious and serious???
on Love Bruises by Jezabele-In-Hell
12 Dec 2004, 4:20 AM
The title and concept are great, actually. The poem is just a very raw explaination. Give us some imagery and try to work in some poetic devices. I think you have over-explained it in this version so please don't waste your time on trying to clarify the idea in later versions. Just make us feel the way you feel.
on Love Bruises by Jezabele-In-Hell
12 Dec 2004, 4:20 AM
The title and concept are great, actually. The poem is just a very raw explaination. Give us some imagery and try to work in some poetic devices. I think you have over-explained it in this version so please don't waste your time on trying to clarify the idea in later versions. Just make us feel the way you feel.
on some deleted poem
12 Dec 2004, 10:51 PM
...uhhh, try "the jetsom of my desire."
on I want to press my fingertips by bwaha
18 Apr 2007, 9:48 PM
I dig it. Perhaps some other word(s) can maintain the sensitivity of this piece better than "human life". Sorry I don't have a suitable substitute at the ready.
on Makin' Bacon by NICKDRP
18 Apr 2007, 9:58 PM
I think that "neat" is the perfect word to end this on. Not only is it a juvenile complement to the whimsy of this piece, the conotation is just as Leave-it-to-Beaver, 50's-ish as a the very bacon breakfast of which you speak.
on Subway moments by azntsarina
18 Apr 2007, 10:09 PM
Ditto richa's comment on the Unions Station piece.
on ~Methinks~ by wDaphnew
9 Nov 2011, 1:59 PM
Congrats on your award.