By the way, "ignited light" is a great phrase!

great wordplay and refreshingly unpretentious.

A very vivid take on feeling I've not had in some time. Thanx for reminding me!

Much better than the rose one. I'd take out the line spacings and all of the commas. It seems to me that the places you put commas should have been line-breaks.

You've sure taken on some new kind of style. I'm all for the brevity and strange vibes. This is better than that "trees and churches" one. But, Parkinson's is not crazy...

I almost shit my pants when I read this. I have a good friend from Chile named Claudio who rebelled against Pinochet's coup. And, though I haven't spoken to him in a few years, it has always freaked me out that the twin towers incident occured on the anniversary of Pinochet's coup. That fucker. Was Salvador Allende not innocent? Was the electorate who voted him to popular power not innocent? No, only John Wayne's white hats can ever be right!!!
10 for importance. Thank you for reminding me.

You have a very natural style that is fun to read. Something about the basic stucture of each stanza as being simply a well-composed sentence. I try to work that way but, I always feel like there's just too much to say. Hence the collection of bloated poems I've amassed since joining the "ranks".

Oh no, not another one. You know, theistic belief in itself does not offend me. For once I would like to see a well-considered, artistic, non-cheezy assertion of the Christian belief. I KNOW it can be done!

Sorry I didn't see a heart. I thought it was a female torso (...coming apart in my hands).

It's better as a single piece, of course. My only real complaint is your over-use of "ly" words. Apply that creativity to finding new adverbs!
Good work.

Uh-oh...it's happening again. He's racking up those fucking 10s. I knew I shouldn't have given him one!

This is actually...really good. The first two stanzas anyway. I love "Wiggling their asses/Gathering up honey" Thereafter you have some great images that just need better structure and some paring down. Congratulations, Joe-Joe! This is by far your best work yet.

Spineless! Least you could have done is make her work for it.

Please, don't invoke a rash of responses with Dark Angel's checklists.

Some people just don't know talent when they read it. All hail the great nostrill rocketeer. All hail Discordia!
9

I agree with p&k aboout the poem AND the Sens!! I feel decieved, Bill. This was written like a Leafs fan: strong for two periods but surrendering to the curse in the end.

Best of luck in this new season of hockey and poetry. I fear you may need it.

Yours Truly
A Concerned Fan

I prefer when you write outside your conversational vernacular. It's leaner and actually reads like a poem. Except for the Palestinian HotRod one for which that treatment was perfectly suitable.

I prefer stealthy to stealth. Otherwise, I agree with richa.

Lots of good stuff in here, for sure. Just need to cut the fat.

I think hatters hare must be thinking of "The Trees" in stanza 2, but the style and metaphor are really nothing like Peart at all. I certainly wouldn't take that as a criticism, anyway.

This is full of imagery which is great, but it could be much more potent (as poetry)if these were tightened down into short, tight jabs rather than lunging roundhouses (paragraphs). All the corporate references can probably be summed up more effectively. "Black and Latino" implies "dark-skinned". But, I like "RJ...Alma Mater."

You must write short (or long) fiction!

I guess we've lost you,Bub. I love nature. I love nature poems. But,
I almost
fell
asleep ...reading

THIS>

Why didn't you tell meeee ...
Duckstein is laced with
opium.
Cannot bare to vote..