on 30,000 feet by Patsy
5 Sep 2003, 1:36 AM
I dig this, having just got off a plane a few days ago. Like "Recycle", I figure I'm probably missing something but, I'll give it another read soon.
on the blessed by forevergreen
5 Sep 2003, 1:18 AM
You could not be more wrong.
replying on Bury Me at Dead Man's Point by EAger to Offend
3 Sep 2003, 11:21 PM
...coming west on Highway 11 take a left on the "dirt road" at the bottom of "the hill", and watch closely for the iron gates at the end of a solitary road to the right...
replying on Bury Me at Dead Man's Point by EAger to Offend
3 Sep 2003, 11:13 PM
Shit! I just deleted your last message by mistake. It's too bad cause I split my gut at the coincidences. Were you going to include anything about the "wildman" that lurks on the back road too? I couldn't really fit it into the script or emotion.
I can't wait to read your "version". Not looking forward to being beaten at my own poem , though. Please post what you have for me. I'd love to see those freaky similarities!
I can't wait to read your "version". Not looking forward to being beaten at my own poem , though. Please post what you have for me. I'd love to see those freaky similarities!
on American Hiker by Garrett S Sexton
11 Aug 2003, 10:50 PM
"ready" or willing?
I don't usually take to such popular images. But, when they're done this well I see just why they are popular in the first place.
I don't usually take to such popular images. But, when they're done this well I see just why they are popular in the first place.
on Memorial Park by Mona Lisa
11 Aug 2003, 10:45 PM
This is exactly that combination of vivid and vague that I speak of in "A Brand New Eye".
First haiku I've liked in a while!
First haiku I've liked in a while!
on Sagadahoc to Hudson by http://mulberryfairy
11 Aug 2003, 10:42 PM
I find this to be a little messy for you. But the storytelling shows promise. Judging by your comments here you know just what needs working.
on Concieted Checkmate. by LuckyJoe
11 Aug 2003, 10:36 PM
I think this would be WAY stronger if you didn't spoon-feed us the metaphor. Don't underestimate the reader unless you're writing for pre-teens.
on twilight by geewhiz1962
11 Aug 2003, 10:33 PM
I appreciate the concept more than the execution. Up until "How did I live it," works well enough for an introduction. The body of it seems to lack spice.
Although I do like "discovering my powers."
Although I do like "discovering my powers."
on (getting used to spending too much time with myself) by Patsy
11 Aug 2003, 10:24 PM
Maybe it's finally enough...
That first line kicks anus!
That first line kicks anus!
on EARTH Inc. Memo: by SP REYNOLDS
11 Aug 2003, 10:21 PM
sp. "upon" Line 9
on EARTH Inc. Memo: by SP REYNOLDS
11 Aug 2003, 10:20 PM
I dig this type of thing. Particularly like "ANDRETURNTOWORK" and "...dine on Pluto."
I'll keep an eye out for more of yours.
I'll keep an eye out for more of yours.
replying on Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend
11 Aug 2003, 10:09 PM
thanx for that. consider it gone.
I tried to spruce up a few other bland spots in this edit.
I tried to spruce up a few other bland spots in this edit.
replying on Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend
11 Aug 2003, 9:52 PM
Sorry, never heard of him.
on God is a Lady by thepinkbunnyofdoom
8 Aug 2003, 4:12 PM
Bunny, this is your best work that I have seen since I've been on here. You actually seem to have "grown" with this one. Nice solid sentences, refreshingly void of vanity.
This is your new benchmark. Congrats!!
This is your new benchmark. Congrats!!
on I An Anew (re edit) by scitz
8 Aug 2003, 4:03 PM
Might I suggest "Caught in the lattice of redemption," as lattice implies crossed slats...
Title; I Am Anew. ...even though it's acctually my least favourite part of this work.
Title; I Am Anew. ...even though it's acctually my least favourite part of this work.
on Looking down by INTRANSIT
8 Aug 2003, 3:50 PM
Hey, hold on. How can the chasms be tiled? What was it before? Clay-tiled roof or something...I had the picture of decrepit shed roofs before and that really worked for me.
on Looking down by INTRANSIT
8 Aug 2003, 10:06 AM
Alright! Those last three lines are still perfect ,then. Somehow "to suggestion" doesn't quite seem to lead me there, though. I'm convinced that this is where the communication breakdown is.
replying on Three Brothers by EAger to Offend
8 Aug 2003, 9:45 AM
Yah, I guess I did! Only, some rankers get pretty damn offended.
See the recent Joe Joe vs. DreamerSupreme fiasco. Now that's entertainment!
See the recent Joe Joe vs. DreamerSupreme fiasco. Now that's entertainment!