poemranker ::20 most recent comments by JackCrawley and replies

Comments byJackCrawley, the 20 most recent, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Forever by Felzpoet 25 May 2003, 7:34 PM
Hey, I understand that you're just trying to make things rhyme, but "Never out will my love for you run"? Come on, that one HURTS. As Churchill would say, it's "an outrage up with which I will not put."

Rule of thumb: If you have to mangle your syntax beyond recognition, the rhyme isn't worth it.
replying on Love by simone_girard 25 May 2003, 7:18 PM
It should also be noted that, even when viewed as a non-sonnet, this poem is absolutely wretched.
replying on Love by simone_girard 25 May 2003, 7:16 PM
There are three traditional styles of sonnet: English, or Shakespearean; Italian, or Petrarchan; and Russian, or Onegin. The distinguishing feature of each is the rhyme scheme.

English: ABAB CDCD EFEF GG
Italian: ABBA ABBA CDECDE (sometimes CDEEDC)
Russian: ABAB CCDD EFFEGG

Note that these are all fourteen-line poems, while "Love" has eighteen. It doesn't come anywhere close to being a sonnet, of any kind.
on Theology by dougsoderstrom 23 May 2003, 2:11 PM
Stop telling everyone, everywhere, to read this. It's atrociously bad.
on Love Squirts by wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 20 May 2003, 3:07 PM
Thank you for sharing. It's this kind of frank, open dicussion of pressing issues that this country needs more of.
on i cant' let him go by roses are red 6 Apr 2003, 11:58 PM
Dude, no.
on hard as a rock by <~> 6 Apr 2003, 11:17 PM
Best vilanelle I've seen on this site to date. As in the greats--"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night" being the example that leaps foremost to mind--you make the structure feel natural and sensible instead of painfully forced. That isn't easy to do.

That being said, I do have a small complaint. In the final two stanzas, the second line in each breaks from the established rhythm. "Parry" and "weary" are both stressed on the penultimate syllable, whereas every other line in the poem is stressed on the final syllable. Read it aloud; you'll hear it.

Other than that, wonderful, wonderful.
on selfish by <~> 6 Apr 2003, 10:40 PM
S'good. I like it. Most people come across as pretentious or psuedo-intellectual when they use words like "miasma," but you manage to make it work, and I have to respect that.
replying on A Sepcial Someone by JustLin 1 Apr 2003, 11:21 AM
No, you can't. But now I'd really like to see a chessy greeting card--what exactly would that be?
replying on Worst Haiku Ever by maffy 1 Apr 2003, 11:14 AM
I beg to differ. I don't think you can be the worst haiku ever if you aren't actually a haiku.

Now, Christof's attempt, while it DOES have the correct syllabification, is just too damn fun to say for it to be the worst ever.
on Dance With Me by marvelis 1 Apr 2003, 10:57 AM
I'm sorry, this is painfully bad.
on Is This Love by intheailse 29 Mar 2003, 8:44 AM
Did you just try to rhyme "fire" with "time"? Good Lord.

The only thing worse than a poem that insists on rhyming is a poem that insists on rhyming and fails.