on some deleted poem
5 Aug 2003, 7:29 AM
someone please send this to margaret!
on He's Dead You Bastards (for zzinia) by scitz
5 Aug 2003, 8:49 AM
oh, god. i hate to encourage this sort of thing.
on I An Anew (re edit) by scitz
5 Aug 2003, 12:24 PM
de HABilitated man.
on some deleted poem
4 Aug 2003, 6:38 PM
have you checked e-bay? they have all kinds of stuff.
on the birth of venus by princesszoe
5 Aug 2003, 7:25 AM
birth, or death? or too-rapid decline.
this is the larva of a great one.
this is the larva of a great one.
on Phantom Space Adventure by SupremeDreamer
5 Aug 2003, 7:27 AM
jim! i'm done for! a cosmic thread has warped and wrapped me, worm-and-black holed me...i die, a red dwarf among yellow giants....
<hurl>
<hurl>
on A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom
5 Aug 2003, 7:35 AM
so, i really enjoyed the parts in between the lines. really.
on I wanna die by scitz
5 Aug 2003, 6:44 AM
oh scitz! suh a guilty pleasure, the pimple poem! and you are a master of it! what a conun-fucking-drum! 10. for polishing the craft.
on some deleted poem
4 Aug 2003, 6:23 PM
why 2 xx's?
piercing
in new generation
new creation
viewed with reverence
how quickly--becomes an opinion. delete 'how' and then it is the way things are.
piercing
in new generation
new creation
viewed with reverence
how quickly--becomes an opinion. delete 'how' and then it is the way things are.
on Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend
5 Aug 2003, 7:22 AM
"The world is thin as paper," I thought.
"And as fragile as glass."
the paper makes a nice circuit to the intro, but the fragile as glass bit--crap. over-used, maudlin sap.
my complimets on your vividly descriptive second and 3rd stanzas. good work, there.
"And as fragile as glass."
the paper makes a nice circuit to the intro, but the fragile as glass bit--crap. over-used, maudlin sap.
my complimets on your vividly descriptive second and 3rd stanzas. good work, there.
on The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus
5 Aug 2003, 6:52 AM
okay, re-reading, i'm making a suggestion to change the last stanza, again, making it more active, less passive. *also* watch how many commas you use! they really break up a piece. if you can get away without using them,. do so.
Fate in a horizontal line:
The illuminated split of jade through black.
Time, revered by an impervious staff.
They destroy the remnants of her, in sheets.
They make the bed for another,
Leaving me to silence.
there's still something missing, but you'll find it. you'll sharpen your sword if you can manage to cut away the passive voice, cad.
Fate in a horizontal line:
The illuminated split of jade through black.
Time, revered by an impervious staff.
They destroy the remnants of her, in sheets.
They make the bed for another,
Leaving me to silence.
there's still something missing, but you'll find it. you'll sharpen your sword if you can manage to cut away the passive voice, cad.
on some deleted poem
4 Aug 2003, 6:15 PM
"And let me speak to the yet unknowing world
How these things came about. So shall You hear
Of carnal, bloody and unnatural acts;
Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters;
Of deaths put on by cunning and forc'd cause;
And, in this upshot, purposes mistook
Fall'n on th' inventors' heads. All this can I
Truly deliver." W.S. (H, Act V, sc.2)
arrows, eternity--lose the repeat.
How these things came about. So shall You hear
Of carnal, bloody and unnatural acts;
Of accidental judgments, casual slaughters;
Of deaths put on by cunning and forc'd cause;
And, in this upshot, purposes mistook
Fall'n on th' inventors' heads. All this can I
Truly deliver." W.S. (H, Act V, sc.2)
arrows, eternity--lose the repeat.
on Tuning Fork by rusty
4 Aug 2003, 6:25 PM
faceted.
this is the best of your 4.. break it down again, and hone it. it's a little sharp, still, for a sockles child, even in reverie.
this is the best of your 4.. break it down again, and hone it. it's a little sharp, still, for a sockles child, even in reverie.
on Arousing Love by LuckyJoe
4 Aug 2003, 6:38 PM
it takes a fresh view, joe. yes, you're right there with the humanity of the experience--but you're reporting it, and i want you to make me feel it. all night's the best of the lot. but, check out the helpful hints here:
http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/CraftOfPoetry
and, show me, dammit!
http://www.uni.edu/~gotera/CraftOfPoetry
and, show me, dammit!
on Portsmouth belle 2 by Garrett S Sexton
5 Aug 2003, 12:22 PM
this is a lyric. and a damn fine one at that.
on Fish by http://findingwater
4 Aug 2003, 6:33 PM
smelly, but not salty?
on some deleted poem
5 Aug 2003, 9:54 PM
yowzah. does that count as an acrostic?
on some deleted poem
5 Aug 2003, 1:29 PM
there. now that's a succinct whole. nicely done.
on my company by girlandwords
5 Aug 2003, 6:26 AM
you could do with a few apostrophes, poetess
on Joe is Dead Now by Freethinker1602
5 Aug 2003, 7:31 AM
p.s.--sorry for your loss.