on YOU ARE ALL WANKERS! by Bobjim
13 Jan 2003, 11:39 AM
not gettin' one. so there.
on Break Dancing Charlie by <{Baba^Yaga}>
15 Jan 2003, 10:28 PM
was it my tape deck?
why must you ?
never mind.
watch out for the gas when you drop them in the tank.
why must you ?
never mind.
watch out for the gas when you drop them in the tank.
on Anchored pockets by INTRANSIT
15 Jan 2003, 10:36 PM
if you change the 2nd line to this:
thus becoming lazy
and the last to this:
but it won't make me move.
your rhyming will be easier on the brain, and your meter on the ear.
thus becoming lazy
and the last to this:
but it won't make me move.
your rhyming will be easier on the brain, and your meter on the ear.
on the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub
15 Jan 2003, 10:42 PM
some very nice moments.
your last stanza feels incomplete (though beautiful) to me.
your last stanza feels incomplete (though beautiful) to me.
on The Poem of an Eighth-Grader by jessicazee
15 Jan 2003, 10:55 PM
very sweet. excellent idea for a poem. nice comparison.
okay, adult crticism, since you posted on an adult site:
dandelions don't lose color at night; they close up. it's really cool to watch. so, lesson #1: write about what you know. that being said, the 'help' page on this site has some great references. this is one of my favorites:
http://www.uni.edu/english/craft/imagery
keep up the good work!
okay, adult crticism, since you posted on an adult site:
dandelions don't lose color at night; they close up. it's really cool to watch. so, lesson #1: write about what you know. that being said, the 'help' page on this site has some great references. this is one of my favorites:
http://www.uni.edu/english/craft/imagery
keep up the good work!
on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2003, 11:03 PM
l'homme p-p: voulez-vous couchez avec moi, ce soir?
le moutarde: mais non! buzz off!
le moutarde: mais non! buzz off!
on some deleted poem
15 Jan 2003, 11:44 AM
Tintagiles, you had me all along. the words were very much your own, as was the joy and the longing. then...the last line...everything collapsed. you cheapened your passion for this beautiful woman, by making it a thing that had been done so many times before, recalling the reader to something almost cliche. now, i understand you meant to say something like, as beautiful as music heard in a golden age, or maybe, played on harps unstrung, or some other reference to something magical and untouchable... maybe it's just me, the whole of it is beautiful, until the very last line, where you use an oft-repeated device, and one that is not truly your own voice.
on 'Fucky Fucky 5 Dollar' by scitz
15 Jan 2003, 10:18 AM
obviously, you had either been served quite a few when you wrote this, or were so deranged from want of drink, that this was like a DT revelation for you. funny story, but what did you learn from the experience? except, of course, how to go both ways? snoggity snog snog.
on some deleted poem
13 Jan 2003, 3:50 PM
nice, but not really factual. cat hunt as much by sound as by sight.
do over!
do over!
on The shirt I wore to dinner. by Jeremi B. Handrinos
13 Jan 2003, 7:05 PM
beautiful! wasabi for everyone! on me, motherfuckah!!!!
on strange beds (1989) by Bill Z Bub
13 Jan 2003, 7:46 PM
mr bub, this is leaps and bounds beyond the first draft. kudos.
on haiku 1 by Crakyamuni
13 Jan 2003, 11:48 AM
is this about partial birth abortion
? well? IS IT!!!!!!???
? well? IS IT!!!!!!???
on alienheart by Bill Z Bub
13 Jan 2003, 11:54 AM
why the re-post?
on a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub
13 Jan 2003, 11:55 AM
i'm sure you are talking about dahlia, because they come in rally cool purply colors. zinnias don't smell, and are usually red, orange, yellow, or pink. usually. so, if they had a disceranble-to-humans smell, it probably would be reddish.
now lilacs and buddleia, those are some purple-smeeling flowers. thanks for the compliment.
now lilacs and buddleia, those are some purple-smeeling flowers. thanks for the compliment.
on RAP MASTER by UAFANTHORPEY
13 Jan 2003, 11:57 AM
feelin' noxius meself
on some deleted poem
13 Jan 2003, 11:58 AM
bein' vegan. where it's at.
on some deleted poem
13 Jan 2003, 11:59 AM
it feeds moss. and lichen.
on Tom & Jerry by Bachus
15 Jan 2003, 1:36 PM
ha!
on Anchored pockets by INTRANSIT
15 Jan 2003, 10:43 PM
dammit. why is no one ever awake when i am?