on Untimely Demise by marvelis
7 Jan 2003, 11:11 PM
W.W.McG.D.?
on Shark by cleverdevice
13 Jan 2003, 8:37 AM
funny.
on Jewel by cleverdevice
13 Jan 2003, 8:20 AM
you know, this is a keen observation. you definitely waste your skill when you spew that other crap. why not work on refining your vision?
you know the egyptians wore them like jewels, right?
you know the egyptians wore them like jewels, right?
on some deleted poem
13 Jan 2003, 12:13 AM
caducus, this is way over the top.
you are trying too hard. one exapmle--the last line:
"Her crimson scythe of violence."
the word 'scythe' gives the reader violence implied. her crimson scythe of a smile/aagainst my lips/etc.
take out so many of the replications and make the poem like the sea where a skipping stone touches it, so the reader assembles it's flight in his mind from the splahes on the surface. touch lightly, and let your audience feel the depth beneath your meaning.
you are trying too hard. one exapmle--the last line:
"Her crimson scythe of violence."
the word 'scythe' gives the reader violence implied. her crimson scythe of a smile/aagainst my lips/etc.
take out so many of the replications and make the poem like the sea where a skipping stone touches it, so the reader assembles it's flight in his mind from the splahes on the surface. touch lightly, and let your audience feel the depth beneath your meaning.
on Pro Forma by Jeremi B. Handrinos
9 Jan 2003, 7:57 PM
p.s.--that's MY palanquin. and i'd appreciate it if you gave back my elephant. and my cabana boy. dammit, h, i never said you could 'borrow' miguel!
on 6.387 seconds by INTRANSIT
8 Jan 2003, 8:52 AM
the adrenaline rush on the edge of control.
on some deleted poem
8 Jan 2003, 10:02 AM
g--this you?
nice job, regardless.
nice job, regardless.
on some deleted poem
8 Jan 2003, 10:06 AM
no. you are doing it wrong.
on some deleted poem
7 Jan 2003, 10:58 PM
have you been to the desert on a horse with no name?
did it feel good to get out of the rain?
did it feel good to get out of the rain?
on Cat.......The sequel by Topaz Servias
7 Jan 2003, 11:00 PM
that wasn't chicken.
on electronically by Quarton
7 Jan 2003, 11:06 PM
q, this seems naive. what is the point of all of this observation?
bitten by the byte? come now. you think beyond this. you have shewn it to be so.
you fall into formula here. if that was your aim: SUCCESS!
if not, scrap most of it and have another go at it.
respectfully speaking.
bitten by the byte? come now. you think beyond this. you have shewn it to be so.
you fall into formula here. if that was your aim: SUCCESS!
if not, scrap most of it and have another go at it.
respectfully speaking.
on Cat by Topaz Servias
7 Jan 2003, 11:07 PM
settle's cat is dead. but not from falling off a LADDER.
on Apocalypse by marvelis
7 Jan 2003, 11:10 PM
i was in the kitchen, doing whippets. no, not whippits; i meant whippets. woof.
on Backwards baby blend by Blade
7 Jan 2003, 11:12 PM
spell. forget casting them learn to.
on Nightwalker by Another Bobjim?!?!
7 Jan 2003, 11:14 PM
"from the brutality of her wounds, detectives knew she ahd fought for her life. and it had been a viscious struggle....once again the crime scene evidence was hand-delivered to the crime lab in washington....this match seemed to scream that the cases were linked."
on Home by Owner of the Sky
7 Jan 2003, 11:25 PM
ugh/probably, they'd get hit on the head with a silent tree.
on Into the Deep by Owner of the Sky
7 Jan 2003, 11:27 PM
okay, you got me. but not as a poem. sorry. it's not working like that. yet.
on Shitetalker (An farewell ode to Settle. Read Nightwalker first) by Another Bobjim?!?!
7 Jan 2003, 11:25 PM
make...him....stop...
on Song of Exodus by marvelis
7 Jan 2003, 11:09 PM
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