on Night-mare by INTRANSIT
20 Nov 2002, 8:20 PM
this feels like clumsily-aimed cruelty. perhaps you will say it is brutal honesty, with a modicum of compassion. but i don't feel it. it is outside of you, and you are trying too hard to get in. false.
on some deleted poem
20 Nov 2002, 8:13 PM
lose all the "a"s. they are extraneous.
on Going to River Phoenix in my mind by horus8
20 Nov 2002, 8:45 PM
three nice things i have to say about this rewrite:
cleaner. faster. stronger.
have a blow job. on me.
cleaner. faster. stronger.
have a blow job. on me.
on Papa Smurf by Bachus
20 Nov 2002, 8:28 PM
because he can't get his hand away. it's glued firmly in place. that's why.
on some deleted poem
20 Nov 2002, 6:53 PM
oooh-wee.
that's smoothe.
that's smoothe.
on some deleted poem
20 Nov 2002, 2:00 PM
i wonder who this poem is about?
i never test the waters either. as would i, you jumped in so quickly, and there were currents aplenty.
he's no gulf stream, i give you that. the man is everywhere at once, and there is no xanadu or shangri-la on his map.
i'm actually rather fond of the churl. i don't think he's either actor. i don't think he's flesh and blood at all.
he's an eddy. enjoy the spin.
i never test the waters either. as would i, you jumped in so quickly, and there were currents aplenty.
he's no gulf stream, i give you that. the man is everywhere at once, and there is no xanadu or shangri-la on his map.
i'm actually rather fond of the churl. i don't think he's either actor. i don't think he's flesh and blood at all.
he's an eddy. enjoy the spin.
on Orange Hills (Villanelle) by Moss
20 Nov 2002, 7:53 AM
if only there were a 'near-vilanelle' option. i am disappointed you call it one and do not deliver. i'll come back and reread when less jaded.
on some deleted poem
19 Nov 2002, 10:29 PM
howza bout a colon instead of a semi in the penultimate line, b.o.b.?
on Haiku Gymraeg by Nicholas Jones
19 Nov 2002, 6:40 AM
translation please?
on some deleted poem
18 Nov 2002, 12:33 PM
i feel like i want to check the authenticity of this at urbanlegends.com
on Faith... by loneshadow29
18 Nov 2002, 12:34 PM
couldn't you write about trees or fishing or murder or something?
on Boy I Know by Goose
18 Nov 2002, 12:36 PM
damn. i am fresh out of tissues too. oh well. the crocodiles can have em.
maybe change the first line to '25 going on dead'?
maybe change the first line to '25 going on dead'?
on The beauty of a bird by mozac
18 Nov 2002, 12:37 PM
you ask too many questions.
and no clews are forthcoming. bah.
and no clews are forthcoming. bah.
on The Breathing Dead by Caducus
18 Nov 2002, 12:39 PM
i think you meant 'pillar' of salt, but it sounds like you cried over her until you had a pillow of salt, which is strangely satisfying to the unrequited side of me.
fix your last line, okay?
fix your last line, okay?
on some deleted poem
16 Nov 2002, 8:28 PM
single flowers are my favorites. the red ones. the backs of the petals are a pale veined greenish white, like a luna moth--another of the sturdy beauties. california giants. i can get them to grow 4 feet tall, and bloom long past when they should, giving them shelter and heating them with stones. crush them gently, and their rough blooms will whisper wicked fragments of the truth. they like a ruby glass vase.
gracias, amiga.
gracias, amiga.
on some deleted poem
16 Nov 2002, 8:33 PM
are you sure she is neon hues? because that's the only part of her i don't recognise.
how so the neon? it seems too bright for her; she read as flooded in shadow. even the sound the neon conjures--it jars me--insectlike and constant. i feel her fading, waiting. can i not see her?
apart from that one 4 letter word, this rocks. esp the canyon conjuring.
how so the neon? it seems too bright for her; she read as flooded in shadow. even the sound the neon conjures--it jars me--insectlike and constant. i feel her fading, waiting. can i not see her?
apart from that one 4 letter word, this rocks. esp the canyon conjuring.
on some deleted poem
17 Nov 2002, 6:34 PM
this is reactionary; you are too close to the loss to construct something that fits what you feel. pieces of it work--but that is not what you need to know. give yourself some time. write pages of angry spume--in those boothes that p&k loves so much, even, if you have to--just get it out. then take it apart and put it back together again, and make it hurt. then all the little jackasses can give you zeros because you write so tritely of things that touch you.
do i sound bitter? nah...
do i sound bitter? nah...
on some deleted poem
20 Nov 2002, 2:35 PM
no cupcake for you, cupcake.