on The generosity of others. by darby pyn
21 Oct 2002, 7:41 AM
and don't listen to blanche. never rely on the kindness of strangers.
on some deleted poem
21 Oct 2002, 8:01 AM
nope. strike 2.
on Darkness by The_Shadows_Smile
19 Oct 2002, 4:14 AM
hello amalea
on some deleted poem
21 Oct 2002, 8:01 AM
ha! but not a poem.
on some deleted poem
21 Oct 2002, 7:52 AM
last line makes it sound like there is just enough poverty to last all season. also, all of the "it's" should be "its".
lovely imagery. nice tension. tenderness and nurishment. mmm
lovely imagery. nice tension. tenderness and nurishment. mmm
on some deleted poem
19 Oct 2002, 4:26 AM
much better now. but, why does he imagine she smells? he has torn her open, and her smells are there for him, an atmosphere...?
on some deleted poem
18 Oct 2002, 6:42 PM
it does degenerate. but it has moments of lovliness. will you put the time in to make it shine? until then, have a 7
on some deleted poem
18 Oct 2002, 6:43 PM
this makes you sound like you are after 14 yr olds. true? boo.
on the girl what gave scott the look by UAFANTHORPEY
18 Oct 2002, 6:55 AM
she's givin more than the look. i love this. except for the 69 reference. that's not handles as well as the rest of it. show me you know how to handle it, ua
on Stamp by worldsofwar
18 Oct 2002, 6:56 AM
why? why why why?
this sucks.
this sucks.
on some deleted poem
18 Oct 2002, 7:02 AM
brothers and lovers, eh? where have i heard that before? is this new, mrs.g? i think you cauls make it clear from the outset that the scientist/prophet is not the devil. also, before he tears her apart, shouldn't he measure her, or see into her? i would like it better if you moved some stanzas around. open her doors and let him see after 'the experiments begin.' may i suggest that you describe the devil as the tempted tempter?
on casting couch by darby pyn
18 Oct 2002, 7:05 AM
i like all the images and the way you address the situation. but if it's a fast punk song, giving it a hammering meter. then it would strike down opposition.
on Ode to Larkbeat Twoshoes by Nicholas Jones
18 Oct 2002, 6:47 AM
the first 7 lines are clumsier than the balance. it is a sparkling instant, and desrves to be captured so. please consider re-working. i would love to see this shine.
on On the Swings by Christof
17 Oct 2002, 7:15 AM
this sounds like great fun!
who would you like to give a little shove to, christof?
who would you like to give a little shove to, christof?
on some deleted poem
17 Oct 2002, 7:24 AM
nice job, limonade. concinct. (a word a teacher of mine used to use--concise and succint).
on Reptiles & Dust - Part One by Wulf
16 Oct 2002, 9:07 AM
why 162 stanzas?
not that the words are not beautiful, but there is hardly enough here to be cause for an epic length. it seems more well suited to be its own volume than to be presented thus, electronically and straining to the eyes. i must admit that the stanzas being numbered, and the length of it daunts me, especially without a rhythmic meter to pull me through it.
not that the words are not beautiful, but there is hardly enough here to be cause for an epic length. it seems more well suited to be its own volume than to be presented thus, electronically and straining to the eyes. i must admit that the stanzas being numbered, and the length of it daunts me, especially without a rhythmic meter to pull me through it.
on purple and black gangstaz theme tune by rosiebailey
18 Oct 2002, 7:35 AM
eh.