replying on The Hermit on the Thoroughfare by http://mulberryfairy
11 Jan 2006, 11:27 AM
i've never seen god. you?
replying on The Hermit on the Thoroughfare by http://mulberryfairy
11 Jan 2006, 11:23 AM
exactly.
but on a hermit?
but on a hermit?
on The Hermit on the Thoroughfare by http://mulberryfairy
11 Jan 2006, 11:15 AM
"mortal pelvis" is an odd combo; how can a pelvis be anything but?
on Untitled by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:30 AM
i like the dream litany. i don't understand how the nightmare protects you, though.
on The Dark Days of Aristotle by somemorepoetry
10 Jan 2006, 9:27 AM
please, explain what this means:
Where thereâs smoke, thereâs fire, he said
Together with his long name and
Cigarette brand.
i don't understand why he would say his name and cigarette brand. or am i getting it all wrong?
Where thereâs smoke, thereâs fire, he said
Together with his long name and
Cigarette brand.
i don't understand why he would say his name and cigarette brand. or am i getting it all wrong?
replying on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:24 AM
could be, but the language confuses me. call me a dolt. this part:
"then sees her calm display"
who see the calm siplay? the crab, the child?
"then sees her calm display"
who see the calm siplay? the crab, the child?
on Pledge by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:19 AM
you made me laugh with this one. and you made me ask myself who i am, damn you.
on She Crab by http://mulberryfairy
10 Jan 2006, 9:14 AM
"She flips suddenly, too soon,
the child startles back "
the child flips, or the crab flips? I can't tell if the crab is/was alive/dead, and i want to know. clarifying this will clarify all.
i agree about the too, too solid flesh; i don't see it as solid at all.
that being said, this is a great moment. you dropped us right into it.
the child startles back "
the child flips, or the crab flips? I can't tell if the crab is/was alive/dead, and i want to know. clarifying this will clarify all.
i agree about the too, too solid flesh; i don't see it as solid at all.
that being said, this is a great moment. you dropped us right into it.
on light [edited] by lmp
10 Jan 2006, 9:04 AM
still, it's not a complete image, even if it is a lovely one. the hard-ass in me wants a complete image from my haiku.
on After the Storm by somemorepoetry
10 Jan 2006, 8:58 AM
"And shoved in to rest in the silt from the north
Fields grown tired with potatoes."
really nice work, here.
Fields grown tired with potatoes."
really nice work, here.
on Sleep It All Away by somemorepoetry
10 Jan 2006, 8:55 AM
you say you just need a friend.
man, that's the worst place to be, ever. wrap her up in that blanket, why don't you.
man, that's the worst place to be, ever. wrap her up in that blanket, why don't you.
on Mittens by somemorepoetry
10 Jan 2006, 8:53 AM
when mittens turn, they fall? the title into the first line misleads me. i know what you are talking about, i just don't like the stretch.
on Oh Verrazano by Joe-joe
10 Jan 2006, 8:35 AM
there are some nice moments here. i especially enjy\oy the metaphor of the steel and iron as her dress.
i think that the rhyme you use distractst he reader. since it came first, i looked for the whole thing to have rhythm and rhyme, and was a little disappointed when it didn't hold throughout.
i think that the rhyme you use distractst he reader. since it came first, i looked for the whole thing to have rhythm and rhyme, and was a little disappointed when it didn't hold throughout.
on Construction Lot (edit) by zodiac
9 Jan 2006, 10:58 AM
the wet trash can cross it but you cannot, do not.
in my heart twice in S1 does not seem intentional, and maybe should be an edit.
drop "just" from S3 L1; it's a filler word. nice linebreak at S3 L2
beautiful ending. love it that mirror sky subtextually tells me about the puddles, the melt in warming March.
in my heart twice in S1 does not seem intentional, and maybe should be an edit.
drop "just" from S3 L1; it's a filler word. nice linebreak at S3 L2
beautiful ending. love it that mirror sky subtextually tells me about the puddles, the melt in warming March.
on Duff firs, Nawal by zodiac
9 Jan 2006, 10:52 AM
i like it.
in english. and i like the way my ill-informed pronunciation makes it sound in arabic.
in english. and i like the way my ill-informed pronunciation makes it sound in arabic.
on Uncontrolled scribblings one luch break by Nicholas Jones
9 Jan 2006, 10:44 AM
no need for apologiy.
i question the need for the stanza on footballers. i'm missing the relationship to the seasonality of the rest of it.
then again, maybe the january fog has got to me as well.
i question the need for the stanza on footballers. i'm missing the relationship to the seasonality of the rest of it.
then again, maybe the january fog has got to me as well.
replying on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 9:52 AM
yeah, that kid's not getting in no matter what. big ups for the buffy-esque name, though.
on floss every day by digipoet
9 Jan 2006, 9:21 AM
imagine the follow-your-bliss existence you'd have if you could floss twice?
i likes it.
i likes it.