replying on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 9:19 AM
log in and go to new members forum. post a little bit about yourself. namedrop. me and kaolin. see the most recent new member's post, whom i believe to be zodiac. ;)
hi Cad,
this one feels like two poems, mostly because of the way you've rhymed the last 2 stanzas. I like the metaphors you use in the first half as well, but then you drop them when you go into love-mode. is there some way you can meld these disparate halves?
this one feels like two poems, mostly because of the way you've rhymed the last 2 stanzas. I like the metaphors you use in the first half as well, but then you drop them when you go into love-mode. is there some way you can meld these disparate halves?
replying on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 8:38 AM
nope. i think it's a great idea, in fact.
on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 8:01 AM
this is a great poem, RIch.
here's a great tool to start to find markets for your work:
http://www.duotrope.com/digest/index.asp
here's a great tool to start to find markets for your work:
http://www.duotrope.com/digest/index.asp
replying on The cold shoulder by <~>
27 Oct 2005, 8:50 AM
clusterfuck. heh. thanks for the laugh.
on when i make sculpture by ay deee
26 Oct 2005, 10:20 AM
excellent visuals here.
on i hung that page to dry by FreeFormFixation
26 Oct 2005, 10:19 AM
the sounds in these first 5 stanzas are gorgeous!!
the last two stanzas don't pack the punch the first 5 do.
this is a weak simile:
til all they heard from me was silence
like a silent willow tree.
all in all, you weaken the poem when you resolve it. ood, that.
the last two stanzas don't pack the punch the first 5 do.
this is a weak simile:
til all they heard from me was silence
like a silent willow tree.
all in all, you weaken the poem when you resolve it. ood, that.
on Take Heart Mr. Drake, the Worst is Behind You by wilco
26 Oct 2005, 10:06 AM
i like this.
on Send The Devil... by horus8
24 Oct 2005, 11:29 AM
it's good to read you again.
on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac
24 Oct 2005, 11:23 AM
you nailed it. bravo.
replying on Farm animals by INTRANSIT
21 Oct 2005, 2:03 PM
you pronounce it ~
the brackets are silent.
the brackets are silent.
on Leg by jessicazee
21 Oct 2005, 11:34 AM
nice.
replying on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac
20 Oct 2005, 1:50 PM
suggestion:
I want to tell you I fear
falling into religion--just for a scaffold
of proper nouns, greetings, expansive gestures;
to be as-one with these waiting women--pause,
glance knowingly at a departure lounge
ceiling loudspeaker, and hear.
does that mean what you're looking for?
I want to tell you I fear
falling into religion--just for a scaffold
of proper nouns, greetings, expansive gestures;
to be as-one with these waiting women--pause,
glance knowingly at a departure lounge
ceiling loudspeaker, and hear.
does that mean what you're looking for?
replying on The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>
19 Oct 2005, 10:40 AM
november is cold, but decmber is colder still, is what i was going for. there are also the holidays to consider, although that analogy is very abstruse.
and yes, i am lathing into firewood. i wonder if my love is wasted on him.
thank you for the compliment.
and yes, i am lathing into firewood. i wonder if my love is wasted on him.
thank you for the compliment.
replying on Farm animals by INTRANSIT
19 Oct 2005, 8:03 AM
we shall see.
he's been known to wax philosophical on occasion.
he's been known to wax philosophical on occasion.
replying on Farm animals by INTRANSIT
19 Oct 2005, 7:57 AM
the chips, when split off from the whole, become new entites, as i read it. they're holographic; each piece contains the whole, a new whole, when separated from the mass consciousness.