poemranker ::20 most recent comments by <~> (61-80) and replies

Comments by<~>, 61–80 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on Farm animals by INTRANSIT 19 Oct 2005, 6:44 AM
the language here is quite intriguing, rich, and i agree with dovina that it took a while to work out that the sun was a different entity than the rooster, although that should be obvious.

my question to you here is, do we only awaken once, or do we only awaken once as one of these things you mention?
on Incommunicado blues (fixed, except for Dovina) by zodiac 19 Oct 2005, 6:41 AM
I love this:

I want to tell you I fear
falling into religion

and

the scaffold
of proper nouns, greetings, and expansive gestures -

but the sentence seems convoluted to me, and i am not sure of your meaning. not that i need to be sure, it's jsut that i want a clearer reason for these bold statement to link in with that lasting, last image.
on Marriage by Dovina 19 Oct 2005, 6:37 AM
is that what you think marriage is about?
on The End by Caducus 14 Oct 2005, 10:00 AM
i don't think it is. the fact that you are wishing in the next stanza implies that you are living, and i don't think you need to make the promise to.

nice job, cad.
on The cat who would fly by nentwined 11 Aug 2005, 1:54 PM
placid may not be the right word, k. it diminishes the impact of the rest of the otherwise strong poem.
on Break Free by Fayt 20 Jul 2005, 8:05 AM
and...?

i want more from this.
on A Good Man Ruined by Dovina 20 Jul 2005, 8:03 AM
somehow i feel this one might have been more effective written from the engineer's point of view.
replying on Low Tide by somemorepoetry 20 Jul 2005, 8:02 AM
i think you're right--breaking down the technique did a disservice to this otherwise very good poem. i love the imagery you used in the it.
on Let the Healing Begin by http://bandgeek 20 Jul 2005, 7:58 AM
well told.
on Oh this little mouse, love by cpill 20 Jul 2005, 7:56 AM
this has a nice playful feel to it, but "i love you" feels a bit over the top.
on Inoculation by bamf909 20 Jul 2005, 7:54 AM
nice elaboration on a theme.
on the smallest box will do by elderking 20 Jul 2005, 7:52 AM
very nicely done.
on Moving Up by jessicazee 20 Jul 2005, 7:46 AM
not sure if the promotion is to her position at home, or if she's been promoted at work. other than that, i like what you've done. but that one part could be clearer.
on CAN'T TAKE THE PAIN by prettyktm 20 Jul 2005, 7:43 AM
this makes a good Lyric.
on Spontaneous Combustion by wilco 8 Jul 2005, 6:55 AM
this has a nice bounce to it until the last stanza. why did you break it?
on Flicking by INTRANSIT 21 Jun 2005, 1:42 PM
to me, chicanes means trickery, and in that context, i think it works extraordinarily well, rich. nice double entendre.
on Mr. Campbell's final journey by jroday 14 Jun 2005, 1:32 PM
i wonder at the choice of name, especially since the 'realitiies rage' opening conjures up Joseph Campbell and his 'Power of Myth'
on quick by <~> 14 Jun 2005, 1:23 PM
this poem was written for a word-list challenge. there was a 30 minute time limit.
replying on Crossing the Mojave by INTRANSIT 21 May 2005, 9:51 AM
in the 4th stanza, you use enjambment and that makes the poem flow. this is the standard you should hold the others to. the final, as well, works beautifully. in the others, the abrubt endings give a lurching feeling, where i think you need to have more of a slow meander. it's a good start, excellent theme and idea, but the full stops hinder the gist of it. keep at it and you'll get it better.
replying on Censor by nentwined 28 Apr 2005, 12:21 PM
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