on Charlie by INTRANSIT
26 Nov 2002, 7:22 PM
since you have given him a name, i'd like to see anthropomorphism in the poem. i.e., call him 'him,' not it. swing it just a little more, too.
on Check Yourself by INTRANSIT
26 Nov 2002, 7:15 PM
woo hoo! look who's back in the house!!!
go, boy!
okay, now the poem: the punctuation in the second stanza confuses me. do you need the comma after shoulder?
like the thought.
go, boy!
okay, now the poem: the punctuation in the second stanza confuses me. do you need the comma after shoulder?
like the thought.
replying on two poles are better than one by <~>
26 Nov 2002, 1:18 PM
but, it's not about poland. it's about being bipolar.
(no, it's not about being bi in poland either.)
(no, it's not about being bi in poland either.)
replying on two poles are better than one by <~>
26 Nov 2002, 1:01 PM
just like poland. hmmm. i wonder if my czechoslovakian hertiage influenced me subliminally...
replying on November's Pot Marigolds, Still Blooming by <~>
26 Nov 2002, 12:52 PM
i said, "hail calendula" not "heil kalendula". sheisskopf.
replying on two poles are better than one by <~>
26 Nov 2002, 12:49 PM
clarify please--is the first part not angry? what tone do you see, and where does it weaken?
on The Abyss of myself by ciantu
24 Nov 2002, 4:01 PM
funny how 3 of 4 of your poems have anonymous 10 votes...secret admirer, perchance? or not?
on Lloyd Street Interlude by jdsnyd
24 Nov 2002, 3:59 PM
do you cast a reflection?
on Wave to the starving children Miss Denmark. by horus8
24 Nov 2002, 3:51 PM
oy.
replying on Bacchus and the Ivy by <{Baba^Yaga}>
24 Nov 2002, 3:25 PM
wrong vine, sirrah. but then, when even the walls have ears, who's to say the ivy doesn't?
replying on Not God's Wife, Just a Girl by w~* ATHENA *~w
22 Nov 2002, 8:10 AM
she got me. no wonder it sounded so familiar. geez.
on Not God's Wife, Just a Girl by w~* ATHENA *~w
22 Nov 2002, 7:22 AM
like the way you start off innocent, and then throw in the etherised patient. insidious.
replying on Diminishing by <~>
22 Nov 2002, 6:47 AM
mostly because that's not what it's about.
replying on Night-mare by INTRANSIT
20 Nov 2002, 8:49 PM
no. i miss things. somebody else might get it 110%
on Going to River Phoenix in my mind by horus8
20 Nov 2002, 8:45 PM
three nice things i have to say about this rewrite:
cleaner. faster. stronger.
have a blow job. on me.
cleaner. faster. stronger.
have a blow job. on me.
replying on Night-mare by INTRANSIT
20 Nov 2002, 8:38 PM
________________________________________
i get: washed-up ex-beauty stooping to Target, and used to think VS was top-o-the-line. sad.
i get: washed-up ex-beauty stooping to Target, and used to think VS was top-o-the-line. sad.
replying on Night-mare by INTRANSIT
20 Nov 2002, 8:34 PM
points for trying. show your wife. ask her. tehn write another. homework assignment #1.
on Papa Smurf by Bachus
20 Nov 2002, 8:28 PM
because he can't get his hand away. it's glued firmly in place. that's why.
replying on Night-mare by INTRANSIT
20 Nov 2002, 8:24 PM
duo was better by far. because there was a thirst driving it, and passion in it.