i don't get why this is so funny.

1-4 rock. 5 sucks. that is all.

overall pleasing in its malefic intent.

my opinions, if you will permit me to suggest a few tweaks:

spiral implies 'around', so,
'Twist a whimsied spiral down' would suffice.

also, 'The hanging of a garden abounding with allure'
is a clumsy phrase. make it leaner.

[alluring and abundant, a hanging garden...or something]

'watch we' --tricksy inversion prickles me.

'It itself did engage'--again, a little awkward

'gametic knife'--the heart of the poem, succintly captured. bravo.

good work.

actually, some here suck for the financial gain.

you forgot to smite the unworthy.
boo. hiss.

syntax can be important, you know.
amusing rhymes. but no vote.

you have something nice going here, but i think you need to decide whether you are addressing the audience directly, or speaking to us only in asides. If you're talking to us, lose the parentheticals, i say.

bravo!!!

where is dear katie?
have you got her in a false-closet with a non-functioning toilet? again?

"Friendly on tap
just for a little while."


not sure this works where you have it

also, typo:
She works wothout seam!!

smooth it out, rich. it's got po-10-shall

"Lo, had the blankest of cold stares"

huh?

lo--how are you using this?
it generally means 'look at that' or 'over there, look!'

also, use a comma or a colon instead of ellipsis, and fix the apostrophe: Ireland's

the poor hard-working sphincter gets no credit, as usual.

shame! shame on you, mrpresident!

nice one.

you, sir, have wasted your commas, as well.

but you turned a nice trick with the similie.

i c what you mean, sir.

wound copper. tricksy, he is. he watches us, yess, he does.