poemranker ::20 most recent comments by nentwined

Comments bynentwined, the 20 most recent. Include replies

on Weather poem 13b by nypoet22 23 Apr 2020, 2:59 PM
I sure don't know. 13b?
on Birb by Aetius 23 Apr 2020, 3:00 PM
Poignant. I think I've been that bird.
on Fragmental by Bill Z Bub 11 Nov 2020, 3:25 PM
*hugs* here and there and anywhere.
on Getting Ahead by Jill Stockinger 22 Jan 2021, 5:15 PM
love it :)
on Some of us by daniella 30 Jan 2015, 1:31 PM
cute :)
on The Spell(Alice part I) by alvinb 30 Jan 2015, 1:36 PM
I really like the potential of the first two stanzas, but the rest disappoints, for me—give me more color, more shifting, more playing with vision (other than bright/dark). Though loss poems are particularly hard to do, in that the general doesn't connect and the particular may be too particular. And they are done, and done, and done--but try to dig into more senses, cohere it all, and don't give up....
on Sense {non} by Skamper 30 Jan 2015, 1:39 PM
the second stanza is your poem. drop the rest. maybe explore that more, or maybe don't. 6 for the poem as whole.
on Year of the Cucumber by Dovina 23 Apr 2020, 3:07 PM
I stumbled a little at "feel"/"feel with"... flows better without to me. (why wallah vs. voila? If you were a cucumber? :) )

"no wanderlust" might be "no lust for wander"?

More food for thought than I expected.
on Lazy Pindaric Ode Blues by pete 23 Apr 2020, 3:19 PM
definitely spoken.
on Everybody's Gone by impert&ent 23 Apr 2020, 3:21 PM
damn. nailed it for me right now.
on coming out by pete 23 Apr 2020, 3:23 PM
cute :)
on Life in the Z-Zone by T. Jonathron Remp 23 Apr 2020, 3:24 PM
Torn between 6 and 2. Going with 2.
on Due by impert&ent 11 Nov 2020, 3:20 PM
I may just be out of practice, but I love this.
on Firewoman by Richard 11 Nov 2020, 3:22 PM
Too much cliche in word choice makes it hard for me to involve myself in reading the poem. I believe there's a lot of emotion in this, but it doesn't translate/transfer to me.
on Lovesick by impert&ent 11 Nov 2020, 3:22 PM
Hah, yes.
on Fragmental by Bill Z Bub 11 Nov 2020, 3:25 PM
well that's a new error
on Sea Foam by groogirl 2 Dec 2020, 2:34 PM
Are you the sea foam? Can that be merged with the jester? I don't feel the mixing of metaphors as they stand, but maybe that could be embraced more somehow?
on for John by pete 3 Dec 2020, 3:34 PM
I kind of want to hear this out loud, ranted on stage, maybe with some jazz behind it. I don't know how well it holds up for me for re-reading, I don't feel like it "wraps up" for me? but maybe it doesn't need to. I really want it to wrap up more, though.
on Sunrise at McDonalds by Dovina 4 Dec 2020, 4:13 PM
Feels a little clipped to me in places (first two lines set a cadence for me that I then trip on line three).

I like the second view, definitely think it adds something. Though perhaps it would be less on the nose using the word "palm"?
on the product of repetition by nentwined 29 Dec 2020, 11:52 AM
https://madewithcollab.com/collab/W00k80w00h1