on Echoes of Eichmann by Caducus
5 Mar 2009, 10:21 PM
has something, I like the weaving of images, and I think appropriate gravitas for the content. Just doesn't scan the way I want, and perhaps ... rough/disjoint in more than flow?
on The flute sound makes me blue by Prince of Void
5 Mar 2009, 10:21 PM
hmm, no.
on The death of Carlos Huarrez by Caducus
5 Mar 2009, 10:23 PM
huh. good stuff here. not quite picturing it all, (and what are "blue screams"?). But yeah, some good stuff here.
on The PROJECT by Sigh'ense...
5 Mar 2009, 10:24 PM
no.
on Taste Ghazni by eliastemplar
5 Mar 2009, 10:26 PM
insence -> incense
or rather, incense-like
hmm. better than I expected, from that; but still kind of plain. paint me more.
or rather, incense-like
hmm. better than I expected, from that; but still kind of plain. paint me more.
on Unwind Again by dclark
5 Mar 2009, 10:26 PM
what? really? no.
on diamond embedded once before & always by A. Nomaly
5 Mar 2009, 10:27 PM
strange... good flow, but the context isn't quite there for me.
on some deleted poem
5 Mar 2009, 10:29 PM
> I ignored you for a client
> that always spelt my name wrong.
ouch.
overall: ouch.
well done?
> that always spelt my name wrong.
ouch.
overall: ouch.
well done?
on the invisible beauty by Prince of Void
5 Mar 2009, 10:30 PM
meh.
on Back to reality by Prince of Void
5 Mar 2009, 10:31 PM
the edge of the ocean is just another's hell. or heaven we'd all get kicked out of. but it's nice to imagine?
on Snorting the Cosmic Dust. by DreamerSupreme
5 Mar 2009, 10:33 PM
my eyes blurred. you hit a constant tone that turned the words to mush (maybe I need more coffee).
on To Poets Whose Writing is Fecal. by SupremeDreamer
5 Mar 2009, 10:33 PM
Hear, hear!
on To those that would teach poetry by INTRANSIT
5 Mar 2009, 10:35 PM
relieving?
interesting piece.
interesting piece.
on some deleted poem
5 Mar 2009, 10:37 PM
ssssssssssssssssssssssssstrange, man.
on Final Dates, part 1: through gates of smoke and salt by Bill Z Bub
5 Mar 2009, 10:51 PM
god damn dude.
yeah, that's personal. and eloquent. and evocative--I can feel it.
The odd thing is I feel like it hits too close to home to crit, but if I step back a bit, it's not my home.
So: if I were reading this @ GUD, I'd be thinking, wondering... this is really beautiful. But is there enough of a story, enough of an arc, enough "other" on top of the punch to the gut and its beauty? And I don't know, there. I'd let it sit and hope to get some response from others. And I think the response would tend to depend on who read it next.
yeah, that's personal. and eloquent. and evocative--I can feel it.
The odd thing is I feel like it hits too close to home to crit, but if I step back a bit, it's not my home.
So: if I were reading this @ GUD, I'd be thinking, wondering... this is really beautiful. But is there enough of a story, enough of an arc, enough "other" on top of the punch to the gut and its beauty? And I don't know, there. I'd let it sit and hope to get some response from others. And I think the response would tend to depend on who read it next.
on some deleted poem
5 Mar 2009, 10:54 PM
you're making my brain hurt too much. dig the imagery, as well, but I don't entirely trust a coherence to seek for...
still, sure, a 7 on style, and hope.
still, sure, a 7 on style, and hope.
on Behind Closed Doors by Spirit52
5 Mar 2009, 10:55 PM
needs something more, I think.
on The time doesnât matter by Prince of Void
5 Mar 2009, 10:58 PM
I like the setting, but not the poem, and not where it ends. Still, I think you've got a seed here, if you can nurture it to grow (and I don't mean in length, so much).
on mission statement by malpaso
5 Mar 2009, 10:39 PM
two l's in ellipses.
the rest... eh. points for intent?
the rest... eh. points for intent?
Yes.
I think it needs a little smoothing, but yes, this is perfect ranker material.