on A Day Like The Last by dragonfly
11 Aug 2003, 7:54 AM
Sounds like a counting crows song, which isn't bad, but could use improvement when it is unaccompanied poetry.
on (getting used to spending too much time with myself) by Patsy
12 Aug 2003, 9:53 AM
I liked it.
on Ali Abbas Welcome To England by scitz
11 Aug 2003, 8:00 AM
No kidding.
on The Cereal Killer Blues by <{Baba^Yaga}>
11 Aug 2003, 7:46 AM
What brand of cereal do you prefer? I was thinking granola to go with the parfait, but correct me if I'm wrong.
on C a n n i b a l by scitz
11 Aug 2003, 7:59 AM
Burp.
on Memorial Park by Mona Lisa
11 Aug 2003, 8:05 AM
Nice.
on EARTH Inc. Memo: by SP REYNOLDS
12 Aug 2003, 10:02 AM
An enjoyable read. Didn't get if you misspelled destroy on purpose, or if "distroy" means something else? I don't think destroy, if that is what you intended, is needed in the second line- why wouldn't Lucifer be more specific?
on Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend
12 Aug 2003, 10:05 AM
Nice revisions. I like the travelling of the paper much more than the original. Made it seem like a different poem.
on Discomfort by FoulSanctity
12 Aug 2003, 10:11 AM
That was good. I knew it was a bathroom at first, because of the word "relieve"- but then I thought maybe it was someone going to confession. I don't know if you did that on purpose, but confession/public restroom ambiguity works for me.
Yeah, that was nice. I thought the images at the beginning were more powerful (the "lifting through a hole in the morning" and the dead bird's wings "marking it's grave
and signaling that its spirit survived the collision" were great) more than the ending with the falling tree frond. Though I can see how you'd keep it that way if that was the order of events in real life. If you like roadkill stories, check out Ode to a Fox, in my archives.
and signaling that its spirit survived the collision" were great) more than the ending with the falling tree frond. Though I can see how you'd keep it that way if that was the order of events in real life. If you like roadkill stories, check out Ode to a Fox, in my archives.
on Concieted Checkmate. by LuckyJoe
12 Aug 2003, 9:49 AM
Line 3 should say "every way"
3 lines up from the bottom should say "your heart"
This was a good idea, but could use improvement- I would take all of the heart and love references out and make it less obvious that you are talking about dating/love. You should make the chess pieces move with verbs that also have sexual connotations.
3 lines up from the bottom should say "your heart"
This was a good idea, but could use improvement- I would take all of the heart and love references out and make it less obvious that you are talking about dating/love. You should make the chess pieces move with verbs that also have sexual connotations.
on twilight by geewhiz1962
12 Aug 2003, 9:52 AM
This is the kind of end of the day meditation that my co-workers would love and make copies of and pass around the office. Didn't work as well as a poem, for me.
on some deleted poem
11 Aug 2003, 8:48 AM
God's wife? When you return from your time with this vaudevillian, will you give some of your excellent critical feedback on "Sagadahoc to Hudson"? Other folks' feedback just doesn't cut it, and I think I have a good start, but it needs some work. It needs the healing touch of God's wife!
on Maine Freeze by http://mulberryfairy
11 Aug 2003, 8:52 AM
Nobody's noticed, (not that I'd expect you to) so I will have to give it away myself! This poem is named after southern Maine's women's contact football team "Maine Freeze". Oh, the power!
on Street Prostitute: Dark Angel by Don-Quixote
11 Aug 2003, 8:04 AM
I feel the love.
on Colony by <{Baba^Yaga}>
11 Aug 2003, 7:52 AM
I think the dictionary preferred plural of buffalo is buffalo, but acknowledge your poetic right to say buffalos (even though buffaloes is the second place plural form) in order to point out the cowboys' ignorance.
on WHY IS THE MEDIA SO LONDON-CENTRIC? Written last Tuesday by Nicholas Jones
11 Aug 2003, 7:58 AM
Like how you snuck in all the syllables that you couldn't fit in your haiku, into the lengthy title.
on Social Geeks and Christians by SP REYNOLDS
10 Aug 2003, 7:11 PM
Liked the last stanza and this plea, especially "âGive us hope, somebody!
Take our minds off monotony, somebody!
WE ARE GEEKS!â "
Take our minds off monotony, somebody!
WE ARE GEEKS!â "
on some deleted poem
12 Aug 2003, 10:13 AM
Why is Winnie Mandela your chosen victim?
I think you need a dash between pre and cum to make it easier to read.
I think you need a dash between pre and cum to make it easier to read.