on Missing a Line by peaceseeker
11 Oct 2004, 6:42 AM
I think it'd be a more effective metaphor than similie. I could visualize it though.
on In the aspens by sliver
28 Apr 2005, 7:47 PM
nice. I like "We unwittingly spit on the history
Of souls stained like ours"
Of souls stained like ours"
on some deleted poem
28 Apr 2005, 7:29 PM
This has a couple good phrases in it, if you wanted to make it more poetic and less like a diary entry.
Maybe play s'more w/ these three lines:
He left with a bloody nose
and a "tissue for the road."
I care for him
but we're just faking comfort.
Somehow, it lacked the grace you gave to things.
Maybe play s'more w/ these three lines:
He left with a bloody nose
and a "tissue for the road."
I care for him
but we're just faking comfort.
Somehow, it lacked the grace you gave to things.
on FREAKIN by celticskatermatt1
28 Apr 2005, 7:39 PM
marshmallows
when spelled correctly
can still rhyme with cellos
when spelled correctly
can still rhyme with cellos
on Fingers Are Soldiers by somemorepoetry
28 Apr 2005, 7:59 PM
fine writing
on Lost key for a hall-closet by zodiac
28 Apr 2005, 8:09 PM
Loved this part "Then she's tucked, like laundry wearing rumpled laundry,
in the old crotchless, scallops..."
I got the sexual undertone, though not the way you intended it; I was thinking the key was a metaphor for some masturbation tool at the end.
in the old crotchless, scallops..."
I got the sexual undertone, though not the way you intended it; I was thinking the key was a metaphor for some masturbation tool at the end.
on Prayer For The Church by sliver
28 Apr 2005, 8:27 PM
What's outrageous?
Papal praise is
What's disgusting?
Condom bustin'
What's outrageous?
Celebate priests is
What's forbidden?
alter boy smitten
What do we want?
Condoms!
When do we want 'em?
Now!
Papal praise is
What's disgusting?
Condom bustin'
What's outrageous?
Celebate priests is
What's forbidden?
alter boy smitten
What do we want?
Condoms!
When do we want 'em?
Now!
on Walking Out by NoSage
30 Apr 2005, 3:12 PM
submit this to an NA meditation book
on some deleted poem
30 Apr 2005, 3:16 PM
wonder v/s "wounder" - wounded wondering?
intelligence v/s "intelligences"
swallowed v/s "swalloed"
intelligence v/s "intelligences"
swallowed v/s "swalloed"
on Sins of convenience by sunset sky
30 Apr 2005, 3:18 PM
I liked it all, including last stanza.
on Requiem by ChaseValentine
30 Apr 2005, 3:22 PM
Beautiful and full of resolve.
on some deleted poem
29 Jul 2005, 10:39 PM
I like the juxtaposition of profanity/violence and vulnerability here. I always thought carrion was plural, like meat.
on a love not meant to be by nentwined
29 Jul 2005, 10:45 PM
nice job- you really captured the simultaneous hope and awareness of flaws that we bring to relationships
on some deleted poem
8 Jan 2006, 6:49 AM
tight
on Toasting To Our Wedding Night by Beyond_Dreams
8 Jan 2006, 6:50 AM
I almost didn't read because of the title, but it was worth it (both your choice of title and the read).
on The Healing Species by Dovina
8 Jan 2006, 6:52 AM
intelligent, relevant, and well written
on We'll be right back after these messages by INTRANSIT
8 Jan 2006, 6:18 PM
when will you obey?
on Birmingham gardens by INTRANSIT
9 Jan 2006, 7:22 PM
2nd to last line- sun's
These are excellent. It IS good to be like moss.
Are you still in transit? How do you find time to write so much? Do you drive around with a phrase in your head all day until you get to take a break, then scramble to get it on paper?
These are excellent. It IS good to be like moss.
Are you still in transit? How do you find time to write so much? Do you drive around with a phrase in your head all day until you get to take a break, then scramble to get it on paper?
on some deleted poem
9 Jan 2006, 7:25 PM
well said