on some deleted poem
11 Feb 2004, 12:33 PM
Kept my attention, no small feat for such a block of text.
on Lasting Forever by angel_uy
12 Feb 2004, 3:45 AM
convincingly conveyed hope.
on Insomnia by dreamsdiefirst
15 Feb 2004, 2:39 PM
five seven then five
do you need an abucus?
I counted this thrice.
actually, you can play with the syllable count - I just like posting that when I get the chance.
;o)
Did you do it on purpose? If so, why not just stick the other syllable ("I") in there?
With "in som ni a" you are basically halfway there; that's a tough one.
do you need an abucus?
I counted this thrice.
actually, you can play with the syllable count - I just like posting that when I get the chance.
;o)
Did you do it on purpose? If so, why not just stick the other syllable ("I") in there?
With "in som ni a" you are basically halfway there; that's a tough one.
on The birdboy that was (Icarus) by Y2kSlamPoet
15 Feb 2004, 5:46 PM
This thought of icarus being converted to fuel some other thought or inspiration is a good one.
Would be worthy of a poem with it as a central theme. The idea of it can be used in other similar tales - like christ's body used as fertilizer, perhaps (would have to work around the logic problem of the whole stored in a cave thing, though).
As for the rest of this poem, it smacks of an attack on someone, though I don't think the reader is given a solid idea of who - a personal mission perhaps?
Would be worthy of a poem with it as a central theme. The idea of it can be used in other similar tales - like christ's body used as fertilizer, perhaps (would have to work around the logic problem of the whole stored in a cave thing, though).
As for the rest of this poem, it smacks of an attack on someone, though I don't think the reader is given a solid idea of who - a personal mission perhaps?
on some deleted poem
15 Feb 2004, 5:47 PM
less thAn the spit...
on some deleted poem
15 Feb 2004, 5:49 PM
cute.
on The Prophetical Eye of Dreams by Don-Quixote
15 Feb 2004, 5:52 PM
Very sexual. Freud would have a nice time with this.
the language is good, but I think "initiated" is better toned down as "started". The rest works, imho.
the language is good, but I think "initiated" is better toned down as "started". The rest works, imho.
on First Shot by lastobelus
15 Feb 2004, 5:55 PM
"as calm as shock"
on Respiration for a Lack of Dizzyness by fevriere
17 Feb 2004, 6:30 PM
eeenteresting...
on Your Beauty by Birdman42s
17 Feb 2004, 7:30 PM
I very much like the last stanza - the rest, though nicely said, doesn't say too much that is original.
Almost ironically demeaning it its mundaneness; near satire (would be a more interesting piece from that angle, would it not?)
Btw - have you studied the word "pretty"? It really is noteworthy.
Almost ironically demeaning it its mundaneness; near satire (would be a more interesting piece from that angle, would it not?)
Btw - have you studied the word "pretty"? It really is noteworthy.
on The daisy-chain girl by richa
17 Feb 2004, 7:56 PM
You make me work so hard with your poetry.
I understand dandelions and litter (putting a flowerpot over them for extended cultivation).
and I can *almost* see your connections with the measure, the clock, the stepping; these incremental units.
They are, supposedly, linked somehow. You say "spriritual vs mathematic" - have you been reading Spinoza before bedtime again??? Maybe some Tipler?
I understand dandelions and litter (putting a flowerpot over them for extended cultivation).
and I can *almost* see your connections with the measure, the clock, the stepping; these incremental units.
They are, supposedly, linked somehow. You say "spriritual vs mathematic" - have you been reading Spinoza before bedtime again??? Maybe some Tipler?
on The daisy-chain girl by richa
17 Feb 2004, 7:58 PM
For making me work -10-
on some deleted poem
17 Feb 2004, 8:23 PM
"The covers stir over there sandwiched content."
nice!
(make it "their", though)
nice!
(make it "their", though)
on some deleted poem
18 Feb 2004, 7:13 PM
Very sad. Rest assured you will get over this, and the three I'm giving it (as I will mine).
on some deleted poem
19 Feb 2004, 4:10 PM
An iron sentiment clearly wrought, if not poetically so.
Hmmm, what to do?
Maybe you could attach some imagery to some of these list items? I think quite a few poems, actually, will fall from these sentiments.
Hmmm, what to do?
Maybe you could attach some imagery to some of these list items? I think quite a few poems, actually, will fall from these sentiments.
on The Angry Bush by wilco
18 Feb 2004, 8:18 PM
I like the thinking behind this.
on Nature by dreamsdiefirst
18 Feb 2004, 8:18 PM
it is uplifting.
on some deleted poem
18 Feb 2004, 8:20 PM
WEll, I like this:
"My sober mind an empty cup,
and now I drink to fill it up."
yes, some of the rhymes are, ah - easy. But somehow it retains a spark of ingenuity.
"My sober mind an empty cup,
and now I drink to fill it up."
yes, some of the rhymes are, ah - easy. But somehow it retains a spark of ingenuity.
on Poe ét tri by Blue Magpie
18 Feb 2004, 8:23 PM
I was really hoping this would go someplace other than back to the beginning.
It shows some promise - I suggest you try and wrap it up somehow.
As it sits, its a seven in my mind, tops. could easily be more.
It shows some promise - I suggest you try and wrap it up somehow.
As it sits, its a seven in my mind, tops. could easily be more.
on some deleted poem
19 Feb 2004, 8:57 AM
I like this one.
am I interpreting correctly that it is in quotes up to "But"?
am I interpreting correctly that it is in quotes up to "But"?