yep, good stuff.

That last quatrain almost sounds like another language.

"Qu'est nest breastvest"

Well crafted; a NINE shall you have.

and do this:

My inner pain shall
forever
my burden be.

hey - its not bad at all.

are you trying to loose the wings?

Not as bad, I think, as the scores you have thus far.

I will total them and add one for good luck. eight.

Why did the god kill this man? For his pride perhaps. Did he not think the man would learn the futility of his ways?

Was he jealous - is it a jealous god?

Who was the lone man? It is the first man who realizes he has no one to save him?

yep. Thats a tinkertoy for the mind; was a fun one.

Made a visit to a note from god today, did ya?

"winturd night" is awesomely coined. This one rocks (dude).

So many articles and pronouns, so little space ...

This thing almost takes off, but then it's gets hobbled by so many "the"s and "our"s and "we"s -- let it go free my blue-eyed tattooed lass -

Pour acid apon it and see the weak words run away; the stong will survive.

let
it
free.

LoL - I saw the title and a first thought it said

"Peeing Sun", then had a little adolescent laugh, opened the poem - and saw "snow".

Yeah, I need to grow up.

Ahem, okay. I like the peeping tom angle.

I will write you an... hmmm... theres the top circle... now,
left side... around the top: the bottom circle -
a bright vitamin enhanced "8".

I see richa has added a haiku too - I will add to yours then in the renga tradition:

Blanket of the snow,
covers earths naked beauty
from the peeping sun.
white satin coolness adorns,
hillsides of crocus asleep.

Sunshine's fingertips
reach from afar but dare not -
hides behind mountains.

Well, I wouldn't go as far to say it is CLSish for two reasons, one - you actually say something here that is between the lines, two - I've read some of your other stuff and I know you are not of her ilk (but I can see how richa think so). Yours is more of a soldiers perspective, where her's is more of a - child.

So, this one: a few line breaks and line spacings would help quite a bit, imho. I suppose you stuck the lone period in there and ommitted any other punctuation for a reason - not feeling it. The string of capitals feels anagramatic... which would be interesting.

I like "They did not invite me", btw.

The end is very good, and points for using a dictionary.com "word of the day" (this has been a paid advertisement).

Sides? Who's choosing??

Cat Fight!!

Some good language in this.

cute

something with less finality at the end I think would do wonders for this. Something more poignant.

I like the use of repetition.

"We float,
With gentle exhaust,
Allowing us to relax.
Relieved "

sounds somehow biological.

I like the aliteration.

second to last stanza is what yer shootin fer - the rest leaves me nothing to imagine.

I'd rather some examples than a list of options. From this information could could make a good poem.

Some weaknesses would add interest (otherwise the reader becomes jealous and spiteful).

Verry sweeet. Touching without a trace of sappiness - surprised myself at the reaction.

well done.

I'm going to suggest, despite my liking it very much, that you replace "summer" with something more specific (either a particular day or a month). My immediate reaction was "overused word" - but you quickly pulled me into the body to forget.

somemorecommas or something in stanza three would be nice - it kindof just keeps going.

I feel like there is something deep here, and I like it, but the flow is distracting me.

Flows quite well in an older-world way.