on by jessicazee
7 Jul 2004, 4:32 AM
nothing wrong with this one.
on Paradelle of Progress by Dovina
6 Jul 2004, 7:18 PM
Difficult form; I've got a crown I've been working on for about 2 years.
Keep at it.
Keep at it.
on Cool car!! by DR Limerick
6 Jul 2004, 11:28 AM
Bogatar and "open top car" go very well, even if a little telegraphed.
on Worst Sex Ever by Brittanyy
4 Jul 2004, 9:00 PM
a sad thing indeed.
replying on Translation by Dovina
3 Jul 2004, 3:53 PM
You is welcome.
on blobby sums +-*/ by MR Blobby
3 Jul 2004, 3:30 PM
an your total is six.
on Mississippi Burnin. by SupremeDreamer
3 Jul 2004, 3:29 PM
A good hook.
you could rather put "hang me on a Mississippi tree" and increase your market share, I think.
you could rather put "hang me on a Mississippi tree" and increase your market share, I think.
on Translation by Dovina
3 Jul 2004, 3:28 PM
quite nice, this.
I think you could loose most of the commas though (not hers) and it would be stronger for it (especially the ones before "and").
I think you could loose most of the commas though (not hers) and it would be stronger for it (especially the ones before "and").
on Charming Distraction ( The Day I Put My Socks On Backwards) by MacFrantic
3 Jul 2004, 8:26 AM
rotary phone is a nice touch.
I've been critiqued for my line breaks recently, but some of these give me pause. If no one else says anything then its just me.
I've been critiqued for my line breaks recently, but some of these give me pause. If no one else says anything then its just me.
on Love Slain by Mus Vai
3 Jul 2004, 5:43 AM
I like your name.
replying on Recycled Stardust by Quarton
3 Jul 2004, 5:33 AM
yes. You're making assumptions again.
replying on Recycled Stardust by Quarton
3 Jul 2004, 5:22 AM
god'swife - thank you.
Time is a device for our own convenience; it really doesn't exist.
Time is a device for our own convenience; it really doesn't exist.
on Precious Thing 2 by cleverdevice
3 Jul 2004, 5:06 AM
gripping to a certain degree - maybe grasping.
Lots of nice symbolism to play with, but I think *maybe* it's a tad long.
and that last sentence needs to go.
Lots of nice symbolism to play with, but I think *maybe* it's a tad long.
and that last sentence needs to go.
replying on Recycled Stardust by Quarton
2 Jul 2004, 2:12 PM
this is not the name I was referring to earlier - and I used none of those words, girlfriend.
If I wanted to be all those things then I would use -= ZODIAC =- (notice the larger-than-life capital letters.
If I wanted to be all those things then I would use -= ZODIAC =- (notice the larger-than-life capital letters.
on Stuck in VI by jonnyduk
2 Jul 2004, 5:28 AM
here.
on Veracious Flames by Evening
2 Jul 2004, 5:23 AM
you could almost remove the first word of every line and the thing would be better for it.
I like this one.
I like this one.
on When the night completes by donmiguel1960
2 Jul 2004, 5:19 AM
There's some good language in here though it comes off a little choppy'list-like.
How is that fixed? Try, if you want, playing with where the lines end and your preposition use (there are lots of them in here).
Flow and show?
How is that fixed? Try, if you want, playing with where the lines end and your preposition use (there are lots of them in here).
Flow and show?
on The Missing Peace by nothingtoanyone
1 Jul 2004, 7:09 PM
This reminds me more of an outline or some notes for a poem. Should be distilled quite a bit.