"I must despairs" is intentional for the second to last line?

Definitely conveys a sense of hopelessness.

Certainly not a zero - and I don't know what you did to piss off supremedreamer.

This has moments of very nice poetry, but then it starts and fits into almost a Caricature of poetry.

Notch it back a bit and give the thing some focus.

Beautiful first stanza, my friend.

S5, also very good.

I can't quite talk myself into the tone of it somehow though.

what kind of flower?
what makes it appealing?

why "a few" - loose that.

this tendency to put a descriptor to actions that you've already described (or should by other means) is distracting. Like "hasty" and "Heedlessly".

and there's something unsettling about the real-time nature of this - the play-by-play, yet you put "yet unaware [that you trampled over the living]" - that retrospective though process pulls the reader right out of the moment. And really, the action speaks for itself, or could better do so.

I think you could make this moment with the little twist (pluck) ending a fairly nice piece with just a little attention to the types of things I just said.

Not that I have an advanced degree from an accredited poetry school or anything.

"things awry" is a little vague, don't you think - maybe a missed opportunity given the sparseness here.

I think its better without that last line, really.

better!

nice with the crows

remove all the commas, put a semi after "water"

"separate" (spelling)

interesting visuals and conclusion - consider changing "crows" to "blackbirds" (because you have "scarecrows" later on and the duplication is unflattering).

Pretty not bad - slowly and slow are too close

"Remembrance" (spelling).

What's it about - murrderrr?

I'll have to look up the connection between michael moore and bands - brb

how bout a couple line breaks there?

An observation: in places you omit a word, apparently because it isn't needed - and I agree with that philosophy, but in others you pack in little extra ones as if you get paid by the letter (the first three words for starters, the on nearly every line, the first two or three.

Clean that crap out and it won't be so pants.

an interesting idea, this. But I thinks it's a bit overdialoged - distracting.

And the warrior angle could be clarified too, prolly.

But really, a cool thing.

Despite being a suicide/death poem (something too often done and done badly) this has an unusual angle in that it's a post mortem - and I like that.

What I don't like is that there are opportunities missed for some potentially nice descriptive bits: night, fog, cemetary gates. Instead you just blurt them out like a noob.

Maybe loose the whole first stanza so the reader isn't immediately disappointed right off the bat.

quotation marks like odd raindrops, which is cool. Unfortunately, I voiced the poem with the dog from that very odd religious claymation show "Davey and Goliath".

"cheek"
watch the duplicate rhymes