on some deleted poem
12 Mar 2004, 8:10 PM
The first two comments are about the poem that was previously her.
I changed title and words because I still have two days 'til next poem.
I changed title and words because I still have two days 'til next poem.
on On the Discovery of Cheez Wiz/The Day I Fell Off the Earth by MacFrantic
15 Apr 2004, 6:58 AM
I only changed the s's that have the "z" sound.
on Sport by MacFrantic
19 Apr 2004, 7:16 PM
It is a simple metaphor for sport in general people!
This not about dogs, but the essence of sport.
Sports turns men into animals, for what? People will kill for the gold and no one really remembers who died for what.
This not about dogs, but the essence of sport.
Sports turns men into animals, for what? People will kill for the gold and no one really remembers who died for what.
on Taupe is an Angry Mob by MacFrantic
21 Apr 2004, 7:28 AM
Vote again after I change it please! Great feedback!
on Taupe is an Angry Mob by MacFrantic
21 Apr 2004, 7:32 AM
It IS about the title. Grey is often associated with anonymity. That is essentially what a mob is, right?
on The break-up by petite_brunette
21 Apr 2004, 11:38 AM
Really a poem true to the poet. I do believe that ellipses would have served the purpse better than colons, but all in all a solid testimony. *9*
on Left the key in dream den's door by capachijim
21 Apr 2004, 11:42 AM
I would have liked to see the first line of the third stanza follow you other lines, and "totally" is a pretty weak word . I DO like the originality of "dream den's door", maybe it's the alliteration.
on Loneliness by tuthaliash
21 Apr 2004, 11:45 AM
"Furtive" alone makes this poem fly. I'm impressed by your ability to capture the moment. *8*
on some deleted poem
21 Apr 2004, 11:48 AM
Seems more like a poem than an actual song. In most cases it should be kept that way. Unfortunately beautiful poetry is too often lyricized *8* (for the effort)
on Who king in selfish selves by waxtester
21 Apr 2004, 11:49 AM
No comment. (or vote)
on some deleted poem
21 Apr 2004, 11:52 AM
Way to go! I loved the rhyming because of its all-over-the-placeness and great timing. The last line was stolen but "forbidden" makes it work *10*
on some deleted poem
26 Apr 2004, 11:41 AM
Sappy crap you know! Too guided and unemotional. I was hoping for a better poem with such a philosophical/flexible title. -Disappointing-
on some deleted poem
26 Apr 2004, 11:45 AM
Furthermore, the only adjective used was *tragic*, which should be replaced anyway. MacFan has died a little today. B^(
on some deleted poem
26 Apr 2004, 11:49 AM
Scenic and Inspiring. Next to purity it was.
Step x step the story goes:
1.Evil Kingdom of Aesgntor (Aze-in-tor) has been hidden for years.
2. Young boy steals the firesword and escapes.
3. The guardian demons give chase.
Intermission :)
4. The sword hampers boy's escape.
5. The demons catch hero.
6. Boy kills all but one in pursuit.
7. Last demon survives; kills boy but recieves fatal wounds from sword.
8. Demon heads back toward Aesgntor.
9. He dies and falls into the murky ocean.
10. The sword falls as well and becomes extinguished...
11. ...or does it?
Thanx for criticism on grammar!
Not bad for a sophomore, huh?