on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 9:21 AM
Death, my very favorite. Nice job.
on Some Things by Christof
7 Nov 2002, 8:12 AM
Your so subtle and as you say, a side-liner, a spectator. The books she's returning as symbols of her new found domesticity, are brilliant. I love all the small details found here. I wonder what would you see, if you could scrutinize me?
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 8:20 AM
Wonderful. the second stanzas my favorite but this is a lovely read throughout. I olky struggle with the adjective "vague" at the end. what proceeds it seems anything but. I think it might be more poignant if the adjective reflected the intensity and necessity of your search.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 9:33 AM
This is very touching, and well written.
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2002, 9:00 AM
Your poems seem to be from some other time.
on Autumn Cried by lexicon
6 Nov 2002, 7:16 AM
S2 L5 "renewing" sort of brings the mood to a grinding stop. Could you use a synonym? The last stanza I particularly like.
on everyone sucks. by kliq
6 Nov 2002, 7:20 AM
I love the ideas here especially S2. 'Love is warm...' is a very insightful line. last 4 lines S3 in particular need dressing up. I think you could really turn this into solid poem if you put more sentiment into it.
on Little Girl and Mom's mistake by t_t_redhot
5 Nov 2002, 9:01 PM
Poetry is about rendering experience into art. Get it? The mere recounting of events does not poetry make. Look it up. Here is the inspiration, but not the transformation.
on some deleted poem
5 Nov 2002, 9:24 PM
Fucking gorgeous.
'one round stone for one soft kiss' how incredibly telling and lovely and everything life/poetry should be. A gratifying exchange. Simple.
'one round stone for one soft kiss' how incredibly telling and lovely and everything life/poetry should be. A gratifying exchange. Simple.
on some deleted poem
5 Nov 2002, 9:26 PM
Oh, but please change the title.
on the queen of carts by snacktime
4 Nov 2002, 11:41 PM
Very effective. I completely ignore the first stanza because I have trouble understanding it. You should either through it out or rework it.
on I Love You, My Angel by mytenderrage
4 Nov 2002, 5:00 PM
You must be a masochist. I hate you/I love you/ I hate you/I love you. You could be a saddist. In which case touche! You have caused me incalculable nausea.
Wonderful. The last stanza is as lovely an evocation of the sun as I have ever read. Please find a title for this. L4-S1, is slightly confusing to me, I assume you are speaking of distant stars, but can't quite make the connection. Is this 'she' you refer to the moon?
on Wandering Spirit by angel_uy
4 Nov 2002, 4:55 PM
Redundant and repetitive. Every line echoes every other line. I think what I'm trying to say is your poem contains a succession of monotonous recapitulations.
on Tupperware-Caskets by <{Baba^Yaga}>
4 Nov 2002, 5:36 PM
Your son just pissed & poo'd all over my living room floor. Joey is tending to him. In the bath with bubbles. Joey is a doll. Thanks for creating the opportunity for my son to practice being a gentle soul. He is at the moment singing blues clues and scrubbing the toddler free of stinky residue. It could save the world.
on Ten solid facts about -=Dark Angel=-, by his biggest palm frond, me. by horus8
4 Nov 2002, 3:06 PM
Better then I ever could have imagined. More please.
on you are my concert by snacktime
4 Nov 2002, 11:44 PM
An easy and intelligent read.