on L.O.V.E. by bxjay170
13 Nov 2002, 1:53 AM
I'm suprised you can write. Or did someome at church submit this for you?
on some deleted poem
13 Nov 2002, 12:45 AM
The mood of this poem seems in conflict with the amount of language. I get the feeling you could sway the mob with the tone of your voice. I think I want a more anorexic poem, like your tree, and your ghost.
on some deleted poem
13 Nov 2002, 5:06 PM
Bleh. It's time foryou to whip out the shakespeare during P.E. Tell the teacher you've had an inspiration and can't be bothered with push-ups or running 4 times around the track. Also socrates is waiting for you under the tree at lunch time. Pick him up and dust him off. Have you read The Little Prince?
on The Real You by jonny2000
13 Nov 2002, 2:16 PM
So your 12. Fantastic your poem needs a little help, but I can't imagine my son writing anything close so I'll give you 4 for the poem and 3 for having the courage to write poetry. Post some more. The second line seems to have a typo, or did you mean to leave the 's' off of think and he? Try writing this without having to rhyme. I'm curious to see what that looks like.
on some deleted poem
13 Nov 2002, 5:02 PM
You opened your eyes before you got to 100. No fair, start over. Go back in there and write the rest of this poem please. Be specific. What makes you wonder?
on some deleted poem
13 Nov 2002, 11:59 AM
This is awesome. To me you are speaking to Christ. It does not matter if you intended it so. To me it speaks of my struggle. Excellent. Though 'two wrists' sounds redundant, in a way,could it be each wrist?
on some deleted poem
13 Nov 2002, 9:54 AM
I know you've been waiting for me to comment on your poems, and I have looked at them but couldn't figure out exactly how I feel about them. There are things I like, like the '6 rings...' in this poem but overall the bushes need trimming. You seem tied to rhyming, which makes you use sentences that are not necessary to move the idea forward. For example the 3rd line in the 1st stanza. should it be 'I am diseased' rather than disease? The last line would work better, I think.
on Ode to a Depleted Uranium Shell by Yardbird
13 Nov 2002, 9:24 AM
Thank you! It is very sweet of you to answer my request. I don' get the visual of 'simmer with mirth' but that is my only criticism. If you did a bit of research a bet you could come up with a real killer, ha ha. Now when I look up DU on the web your poem will come up along with 100,000 other sites. You should be proud.
on An ode to my sugar daddy, but in haiku by horus8
13 Nov 2002, 1:06 AM
No matter how new the tractor, it still looks old. You don't need a gym membership, your skin will pop. The thing I love best about your poems (and you) is that there is no illusion more fantastic than the truth.
on the pot collected water when it hid us from the rain by kiki
13 Nov 2002, 1:41 AM
I think your poems are awful and completely inaccessible. Other than that I think you're a self-centered inconsiderate creep.
on Surreal... by Yardbird
13 Nov 2002, 1:50 AM
You made me laugh. Especially 'So long as elephants...' Use your brains for something I prefer, like and ode to depleted uranium. Thank you in advance.
on some deleted poem
8 Nov 2002, 1:24 AM
Your lover reminds me of me. Your poem, of the incessant need. Very well written. I get a realistic picture, I like that.
on some deleted poem
8 Nov 2002, 12:52 AM
My dear child, you are the diamond. Such a well constructed composition for someone so young, hell for anyone. I am struck by your ability to weave the thread of bees and wasps. Also the cleaning shit thing, very wise.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2002, 9:58 AM
Leave it 'close to', it is more orginal and sounds more personal. 'Ballerina-like' bothers me. I would just as rather you say 'Ballerina in the breeze' or 'My ballerina in the breeze' The image would not conjure her dressed in a tutu. I think the implication is a given.
on Our New Tongue by Christof
8 Nov 2002, 1:36 AM
I should have given this a ten. So I will.
on without music by Limness
13 Nov 2002, 1:14 AM
Needs work but fantastic at the end.
on licking my tongue by w~* ATHENA *~w
13 Nov 2002, 1:08 AM
Best so far.
on The Land of Back-to-Front by [mojo]
13 Nov 2002, 4:58 PM
Wonderful, I can't think of any flaws except minor typos. Very cheery. I like nonsense.
on Colony by <{Baba^Yaga}>
13 Nov 2002, 1:11 PM
Squaw is mis-spelled and so is buffalo. You're a great writer, poetry, comments, confessions. I mean it.