on God's Rod (toilet drink poem) by horus8
2 Sep 2002, 9:40 PM
Terrific. Came up on random. The jesus/devil metaphors are funny and, best of all, accurate. The last stanza is pure sunday school.
on you're never alone by nentwined
2 Sep 2002, 9:26 PM
What exactly are you writing about?
on Autumn Songs by timfowler
2 Sep 2002, 9:25 PM
What exactly is it you're about?
on Through the eyes of life by Angel_of_fait
2 Sep 2002, 9:22 PM
For the sake of my own sanity I'm going to believe you're actually a grown-up pretending to be a 14yr old who writes bad poetry. This can't be serious. It's completely illogical that someone who can read could write this poorly.
on somewhere between alpha and omega by crin
2 Sep 2002, 11:53 AM
I always love pretty things. There's no grandeur in crin's poem. Maybe you've got some wrong ideas about me.
on wHEN mY wATER rUNS dRY by Sigh'ense...
2 Sep 2002, 9:35 AM
I love the sentiment but the last lines in the first and second stanzas frustrate me. I want them to glide better.
on The Astronomer's Lament by Christof
2 Sep 2002, 9:26 AM
A beauty indeed. Sweet Selene, even the tides arrange themselves to her mood.
on somewhere between alpha and omega by crin
2 Sep 2002, 9:15 AM
I don't know who could have given this a zero. It's well balanced and pretty. The 1st & 2nd stanzas are perfectly constructed. This would make a great song. And the last line reminds of how foolish it is to fall in love.
on The Astronomer's Lament by Christof
2 Sep 2002, 8:45 AM
The more I read this the more it speaks. 5 yrs. is a long time, and they never collided did they? They fell apart.
on The Astronomer's Lament by Christof
2 Sep 2002, 8:34 AM
I love this, there are no question marks popping up in my head. Using 'dead' twice in line 9 has me squirming a little. Just a pet peeve of mine. Your poems always end strong. I believe the end is more important then the beginning. I especially love the image of the 2 lovers' orbits out of sink. The balance of that delicate dance coming apart. When worlds collide.
on Black Heart by brazen
1 Sep 2002, 2:07 PM
This poem is terrible.
on A Few Minutes' Reflection by longships
1 Sep 2002, 1:32 PM
I don't believe you meant for all those question marks to be there. You might want to take a look.
on To Diana, five years away by kawakurdi
1 Sep 2002, 12:09 PM
I think you meant the last comment to be for Journey to the sun. If you'd like advice on your Diana poem I think squeals is definitely out, moan, cry, clamor, I don't keep playing with it. It's a dificult line. Also sexual intercourse and orgasm should be alluded to. Is it really 'Deeper' that your hoping for or more profound. Look up profound in the thesaurus and dictionary you'll probably come with something more accurate.
It's a joke lost in the sadness of truth. I'm so isolated here in America. The Propaganda is rampant, and I, being me, am lost in my own world, so I look towards thoughtful ass-kissers* such as you to set things right. You have been chivalrous to say the least, and remind me of what I ought to be. *See Vitriol; Dark Angel.