on Itâs getting dark by Prince of Void
15 Oct 2005, 5:58 AM
By "poetry of imagery", you can't possibly mean your poetry.
on Brethren, oblivion is not the road to the city Ataraxis. by SupremeDreamer
15 Oct 2005, 5:38 AM
That's the thing about self-love, isn't it? It's hard to find an audience as interested as you are.
on muted muffability by calliope
15 Oct 2005, 5:53 AM
Everything except the semicolon is great. Nice one.
on 3312 by D P Robertson
15 Oct 2005, 5:57 AM
Whaddup, LA.
on The Servant and The Messenger by ALChemy
17 Oct 2005, 1:20 AM
Forgive me. I'll recharacterize.
DOVINA: Saying that something is made by evolution gives it importance because it says that it fits a theory. Therefore it's understandable. For example, evolution, the theory designed to explain the development of faith (among other things), can explain the development of faith.
ZODIAC: That's totally ridiculous. In addition, if either faith or evolution were COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from what they are now, the theory designed to explain them would still explain them. That wouldn't make the hypothetical nonfaith or nonevolution any more important. In addition, the real reason claiming evolution gives faith importance is by making it outside of our control, it's in our natures, like reproduction or fattiness. Why don't you respond to that?
DOVINA: Blaaaaaat.
DOVINA: Saying that something is made by evolution gives it importance because it says that it fits a theory. Therefore it's understandable. For example, evolution, the theory designed to explain the development of faith (among other things), can explain the development of faith.
ZODIAC: That's totally ridiculous. In addition, if either faith or evolution were COMPLETELY DIFFERENT from what they are now, the theory designed to explain them would still explain them. That wouldn't make the hypothetical nonfaith or nonevolution any more important. In addition, the real reason claiming evolution gives faith importance is by making it outside of our control, it's in our natures, like reproduction or fattiness. Why don't you respond to that?
DOVINA: Blaaaaaat.
on Was Everyone Put On This Earth For A Reason by cabot
17 Oct 2005, 1:39 AM
We weren't put here, we just all happened to be here at roughly the same time.
on Sleep It All Away by somemorepoetry
17 Oct 2005, 1:48 AM
I'd try not to rhyme "glass" and "glass" in stanza 2. Other than that, kind of said-before. Some of it's a little touching, but not "Blue Bayou" touching.
on There is a journey tree by ALChemy
17 Oct 2005, 3:08 AM
I'm pretty sure it's impossible to stand amidst one thing. If you've just got to stand amidst, it'll have to be amidst parted waters or something such, and who wants to do that?
Also, waterfalls should just be waterfall. Or it should have brinks.
I'm confused, does the waterfalls ends in a sea of fire, or the river? At any rate, it's too many strung-together phrases: the tree that's amidst the river that's at the falls that end in fire. Split them up, make some new sentences.
I don't understand how the tree relates to (and presumably helps) journeys. Apparently it STOPS people from journeys to the bottoms of the falls.
Rivers in "rivers rage" should have an apostrophe, probably before the s. Some regular sentence punctuation would help to. If you're having trouble deciding where, try writing it out in paragraph format and seeing where it doesn't make sense.
I thought the birds exchanging feathers was striking though. I have know idea what they mean.
Responding to your and Dovina's comments, the refuge you're talking about is the hypothetical itself, so of course the tree doesn't fall.
Also, waterfalls should just be waterfall. Or it should have brinks.
I'm confused, does the waterfalls ends in a sea of fire, or the river? At any rate, it's too many strung-together phrases: the tree that's amidst the river that's at the falls that end in fire. Split them up, make some new sentences.
I don't understand how the tree relates to (and presumably helps) journeys. Apparently it STOPS people from journeys to the bottoms of the falls.
Rivers in "rivers rage" should have an apostrophe, probably before the s. Some regular sentence punctuation would help to. If you're having trouble deciding where, try writing it out in paragraph format and seeing where it doesn't make sense.
I thought the birds exchanging feathers was striking though. I have know idea what they mean.
Responding to your and Dovina's comments, the refuge you're talking about is the hypothetical itself, so of course the tree doesn't fall.
on some deleted poem
18 Oct 2005, 4:38 AM
Makes you wonder, if he'd drunk the potion first, would he have thought he was getting such a good deal?
on Air Guitar by Miggy
18 Oct 2005, 5:44 AM
Oddly, your best song to date. -10-
on Air Guitar by Miggy
18 Oct 2005, 5:45 AM
And I love how it makes masturbation almost elegant. -10-
on Farm animals by INTRANSIT
19 Oct 2005, 3:18 AM
I don't totally get this yet, but the language and images are amazing. Happy loving.
on The nymph steals the farm-son by <~>
19 Oct 2005, 10:32 AM
I love "turn wooden on the lathe of fact", the best image on poemranker in months and the lynchpin, I think, of this poem.
In the original you turned wooden, right? I think that would be better. The rest loses me. I don't know what distinction you're making between November and December (or heart and breast), and can't feel the metaphor of ghosts (which are essentially metaphors, no?) And are you lathing things into firewood? How odd.
In the original you turned wooden, right? I think that would be better. The rest loses me. I don't know what distinction you're making between November and December (or heart and breast), and can't feel the metaphor of ghosts (which are essentially metaphors, no?) And are you lathing things into firewood? How odd.
I like everything except the word "criminal". I'm foggy on the details, but isn't self-mutilation/suicide actually illegal? So it really IS criminal, not just metaphorically so. If it's not illegal, it still doesn't seem like the best word. I mean, hari-kari (or hari-kari-type mutilation) isn't the first thing that strikes me when I think of the word "criminal". I'd like to see it keep with the street performance theme with a more mutilation-specific or street-performance-specific word. Catburglar fits with "stealing self" but doesn't fit with suicide. Escape artist, maybe? What about those Indian performers? They do stuff like this.
Don't let my rambling detract from the fact that I loved reading this. -10-
Don't let my rambling detract from the fact that I loved reading this. -10-
on a fat man on the dock by ay deee
20 Oct 2005, 2:33 AM
Again, a good poem, minus the line that tries to fit in everywhere and never quite succeeds. That line is Jesus, we're mere mortals.
on How often? by little_big_nose
21 Oct 2005, 9:33 AM
Have you ever heard of the question mark? If you're going to be asking questions, it's the only way to go.