on Inevitable by _iamtwilight_
23 Feb 2004, 9:03 AM
<Sigh...>
on Whore Of Nazareth by Mona Lisa
24 Feb 2004, 1:46 PM
"And my wombs not yellowed by life," - as good a place as any for:
Bow'ls.
Bow'ls.
on Whore Of Nazareth by Mona Lisa
24 Feb 2004, 6:17 PM
rockmage's last login: Tuesday, 17-Feb-04/7:08 PM.
on Good King Brownceslas by -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I.
25 Feb 2004, 10:53 AM
The best rhyming on this site ever! Horizon/wisened, hardened/pardened (sic), tincture/sphincter, sure/ordure - gems all. And a worthy lesson to CLS and her ilk, if they weren't too stupid to recognise it.
on Choices in the Road by Pervy Elf
26 Feb 2004, 5:38 AM
I'd like to recommend the following revision:
Choices in the Road (Free verse) by Pervy Elf
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler long I stood
Scratching my cock (which has a hood)
In its tangle of pubic undergrowth.
Choices in the Road (Free verse) by Pervy Elf
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler long I stood
Scratching my cock (which has a hood)
In its tangle of pubic undergrowth.
on some deleted poem
26 Feb 2004, 12:55 PM
Periods are not standard endings for stanzas. Note "seduced. By harlot wearing garments red..." Are you sure you didn't mean a comma or something? And also, incidentally, some kind of article before "harlot"?
on beef flavored ramen by ThePariahDog
26 Feb 2004, 1:03 PM
A truer sex poem was never written. "endless noodle sucked through an indifferent orifice" -10-
on Homecoming by somemorepoetry
26 Feb 2004, 1:47 PM
Good except for "move on to".
on Dream of a Vanilla Sky by smlink84
27 Feb 2004, 4:12 AM
Vanilla Sky is the absolute worst movie ever. I have seen films that were trying to be bad which aren't as bad. Referencing that movie in a pretentious wannabe serious poem is, I'm afraid, equivalent to enfolding a moldy piece of stale jerky in a fresh steaming turd.
on Little Tounge by Figure 8
27 Feb 2004, 5:15 PM
Tongue.
on some deleted poem
28 Feb 2004, 9:28 AM
No semicolon after blade. Don't capitalize Your ever. 'Pierces through' is redundant, since piercing means it's breaking through. I personally dislike poems where the narrator is really aware of his/her unstable psychological situation, but this is less heavy-handed than most. Changing 'from thinking what I think' would make it even better.
on Lifes work by richa
28 Feb 2004, 9:37 AM
'to be' in 'once more to be buried' bothers me. I've been looking in Poet's Market at poetry reviews which specialize in minimalism, which I think is where you're headed. You might take a look at 'Indefinite Space' (wings.buffalo.edu/epc/ezines/treehome/t
on some deleted poem
1 Mar 2004, 6:23 AM
-;-
on Nature Of The Day by impert&ent
1 Mar 2004, 6:45 AM
The last line should be dropped. -10-
on Inside Out by etherealmaiden
1 Mar 2004, 7:08 AM
This is a textbook of overused rhymes - places/faces, night/fight, hours/flowers, eyes/lies, walking/talking, crying/lying, pain/insane, and so on. That's not your fault though, and it'll take care of itself as you read more poetry.
Sewing your friends back onto you was a really great imgae and caught me off-guard. I don't know if that's a common phrase, but I've never heard it before. If it's an original, then bravo.
Sewing your friends back onto you was a really great imgae and caught me off-guard. I don't know if that's a common phrase, but I've never heard it before. If it's an original, then bravo.
on The Left Book Club by Nicholas Jones
1 Mar 2004, 9:20 AM
Fabulous.