Re: "She Phoned This Morning" by ARTIE	21-Jun-04/9:03 PM
I love the way you say "As I woke on berth of linen" without an indefinite article, though that would be the obvious and correct thing to do.
Re: a comment on Time Imperfect by MacFrantic	21-Jun-04/8:40 PM
Nope. I receive from this poem a singular horrific vision of a sick punctuationless existence. But then, I've not actually read it, just kind of squinted my eyes at it awhile.
Re: Center Of The Universe by Dovina	21-Jun-04/11:17 AM
The rule that "each small life Feels itself the center of the universe," while a generally good one, probably does not apply to insects, mollusks, or the aboriginal races.
Re: a comment on Army Dock (Bangcock in July) (Free Curse) by Rug by <{Baba^Yaga}>	20-Jun-04/12:37 AM
Navel Beer (Pee spurts) by Mug Once I spilled beer in Ann (or Nancy) Wilson's Stupendous belly-fat. Man, I could hear the ocean In that filthy crease, and I beg your pardon, But it caused me immediately to become fully hardened (At the Olive Garden.) So she blew my gusset under the non-smoking table (As I imagined she was Mammy and I was Clark Gable,) Thinking later there'd be rimming and some reckless felching, Half aghast that schlitz and cellulite could cause such squelching.
Re: a comment on Navy Pier by Doug	19-Jun-04/11:23 PM
PS-your intolerably gay
Re: a comment on Navy Pier by Doug	19-Jun-04/11:21 PM
You're... you're absolutely right, pain killer. My years at Poetry School have left me without friends, incapable of even the most basic human interaction, and with a libido shrunken to pea-size. Oh, how often whilst sipping champagna from impossibly tall handblown vials at my prolonged literary soirees do I wish I could only "tip back" some "brewskie" with a few good "chums"! Maybe I could even smoke a pot! I... I guess that's why I overcompensate so much... because I'm really a sad, sad little man with no *real* life, and probably a gay to boot. You've hit the nail exactly on the head, pain killer. Thanks a bunch for telling it like it is... *tears* -zodiac
Re: a comment on nanana by FreeFormFixation	19-Jun-04/12:45 PM
PS-Here is an example of a point A and point B which don't 'meet': .A .B Therefore, points A and B do not always meet. In fact, the only way I can imagine two points 'meeting' is if they are the same point (in which case, a line couldn't 'divide' them). I'm not trying to be some lunatic math bigot; it's just that you seem to have thought it would be cool and smart-sounding to throw some math-talk into your poem without considering how most mathy expressions (such as 'always') have very precise definitions. If you're going to play math games in your poems, you have to do it right, else your poem will be wrong and sound like crap to most sensible people, whatever else you've put in it. This is not arguable, no returns times infinity. -Q.E.D.-
Re: a comment on nanana by FreeFormFixation	19-Jun-04/8:15 AM
Do you know what 'discriminative' really means? Besides, math is the most narrow-minded thing ever. You can't just go around prattling math-sounding nonsense like 'Point A must always meet point B unless a line divides a means' like you would with poetry-sounding nonsense. Point A almost never 'meets' point B. A line 'dividing the means,' whatever that means, has nothing to do with whether the two points 'meet'. That's not being narrow-minded any more than insisting 2 + 2 = 4 (instead of, say, 'purple') is narrow-minded. Please, get a life and stop writing about math. Thanks.
Re: Navy Pier by Doug	18-Jun-04/9:37 PM
Here's the grammar bit: You don't need a comma between stoic and cobalt. "It's" should "its", and I had trouble remembering that 'it' was Lake Michigan. I'd consider saying "the lilted breeze" and running the sentence into the next stanza, instead. At any rate, the second bit needs a little work. You've got "as I drank" doing double duty as subordinate clause for two main clauses, a big No-no. The best I can come up with for a revision would be something like: I can still hear Lake Michigan's soft and stoic cobalt breakers. The lilted breeze by the Beer Garden mixed so well with your silly laugh, blew your russet hair against my cheek as I drank the rest of your warm Black & Tan, stared at the shimmering of your freckled shoulder, half concerned that sweat and sun could make such splendor. I'm not really pleased with that - as you've pointed out, I'm not great shakes at poetry-writing lately. But you get the idea. Some other little things: 1) "stared at" bothers me. I hate that construction, and though everyone on this site is bound to bust my ass for saying it, I like "watched" a lot better. Or "stared ______ at" with some adverb or other (hard, sleepily, stupidly, come to mind) inserted. 2) I wasn't really prepared for "half-concerned". Looking back for clues, I get the "silly" girl who doesn't deserve to be so splendorous - and that's about it. Maybe it's enough and I just wasn't paying enough attention the first time; see what other people think about it. 3) "so well" is a waste of space, a place-holder expression. You can think of a better description. 4) You should break the line after "sun". Then you get an easy half-rhyme with "Tan" and you don't have to worry about the last line being much longer than any of the others. That's about it. It's not bad, really. Definitely the best of your posts.
Re: What's Poetry by Sasha	18-Jun-04/8:24 PM
I went to Rilke's grave in Ronda last Christmas. Ronda's one of the most totally ace towns I've ever seen - the best part of Spain, definitely.
Re: nanana by FreeFormFixation	18-Jun-04/9:49 AM
re: "Point A must always meet point B unless a line divides a means." Would you say that, like poetry, math is a subject which pretty much everybody is equally qualified to talk about, that there are no right or wrong answers in math?
Re: a comment on Litany by zodiac	17-Jun-04/8:04 PM
Look buddy if all you're gonna do here is insult other people then you might as well leave. Poemranker is a site where people can share their poetry and have it critiqued by others but all you want to do is call people names and generally act like a mincing fuckwit. :-( -0-
Re: Chin-up by Rodavlas	17-Jun-04/7:22 PM
Hey check out this action, homeslice: http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=no%20one http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=noone
Re: a comment on West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco	17-Jun-04/2:44 PM
Actually, no.
Re: a comment on wolves by sarah	17-Jun-04/1:34 PM
Don't listen to him, sarah! He is titan69! He's like some rabid retarded wolf disguised as another retarded rabid wolf.
Re: a comment on Litany by zodiac	17-Jun-04/1:31 PM
Don't be stupid. The above-posted quote wasn't on this site. Your poemranker IPs are all over similar idiotic rants on various uberconservative hate pages, including this comment by 'Doug' from Florida. And "if I was on this site in May at least the last four digits of 'my' I P address would be different if not all" is simply wrong. You should have pointed out that you've never punctuated as well as this Doug does.
Re: a comment on love and hate by jessicasgurl	17-Jun-04/10:59 AM
Also, "I am a colossal dismembered buttock" should be changed to "I am a dismembereds' colossal buttock".
Re: Owain Glyndwr by Nicholas Jones	17-Jun-04/10:46 AM
I can't imagine why you'd want to say "I can only drive slowly, first gear on the gradients, Slow progress only is possible."
Re: a comment on Bowling For Turpentine by horus8	17-Jun-04/9:54 AM
If "pederastic" is your idea of the next "onanism" you're quite a bit retarded - by which I mean "slow, lagging behind".
Re: West Coast Epilogue (Pseudo Triolet) by wilco	16-Jun-04/5:18 PM
I liked it better before, even if it wasn't a triolet.