Re: a comment on On The Floor of the Hospital by Fear of Garbage	1-Feb-04/8:13 PM
I agree. Who are you?
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/2:08 PM
Watch out. It's a mixed blessing. Recently, though, I picked up Seamus Heaney's Complete Poems (many of which are online) and was really impressed by his partial rhyme and partial rhythm. He's a good place to start, especially some of the ones here: //www.ibiblio.org/ipa/heaney/index.html
Re: La Belle Epoque by andrewjthomas	1-Feb-04/2:02 PM
Woah there. Well, I'm with darkangel on the general annoyingness of arbitrary linebreaks, but I firmly believe that for a poem to be regarded as such (ie, as a poem,) it has got to a) look like one, and b) not scare people with what looks like a lot of unpunctuated long lines. So at the very least I would insert extra breaks after 'image', 'Hall', and so on. Make it look like stanzas, like something manageable. For another thing, the ends of lines are not anywhere regarded as periods or commas; you should insert these where needed. And third (ie, most daring,) you might consider some arbitrary linebreaks. You see, I'm sure, how most of the lines end cleanly at the ends of thoughts or clauses? That doesn't have to be. I don't know how lines should be broken up (I only do it by rhyme,) but I've heard it has something to do with making the fragments of phrases meaningful (sometimes) as smaller phrases. That's half. The other half, I would imagine, is just making it look striking and poetic. Again, I have no idea how. In fact, you can ignore this whole last part if you choose. But definitely make stanzas. People like stanzas.
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/1:43 PM
I use Merriam-Webster's Rhyming Dictionary a lot. With a paper copy, you can look at other end-sounds on the same page to get cool partial rhymes. Rhymezone.com is useful in a pinch, but leads me astray into obscure and meaningless phonemes as often as it helps - and is noticeably lacking a lot of words. And both of them are evil in that, if you use them long enough, you will try to rhyme every word in a poem with every other. One particularly egregious instance in my recent memory would be an attempted rhyming once of watching, blotchy, debauching, fibonacci, hibatchi, vivace, swatches, (the) Koches, 'en pace', cocyx, and so on - after which I found myself laid out for three days with a strained lumbar, a clearer conception of my own frailty, and no idea what the poem was about. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. You'll notice though that this poem (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80478)only has five rhyming sounds, and this one (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=79687) only has four if you count partial rhymes like 'Carly' and 'early' as one.
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/11:41 AM
lol.
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/11:08 AM
Is there a poem about Ware-Pigs here?
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/11:07 AM
I give you both much more credit than that. Besides, you can comment on how I rhymed gentle with dental, Oriental, sentimental, regimental and rental in this one (and also "bit it" with "it'd"). I'm quite proud of that. As far as line breaks go, I'm with Frost with his ideas on free verse: I wouldn't begin to know what to write if I didn't have a structure to work in. I'm currently trying to move away from rigid iambic or anapestic whatevermeter to something still rhymed but more free-flowing (with smoother, more natural diction,) and much of the stuff I've posted on the site is my first few awkward attempts. So I'd be really interested in hearing from either of you how the flow works, where it doesn't and so forth. You both (or all three) have excellent ears for rhythm, I can tell, and could help me a lot in that respect.
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/10:06 AM
Of course - I know the ranking is crap, and biased (at least by me) towards teenies who need encouraging. But I'm still a little sad that -=Dark_Angel=- doesn't vote on my poems anymore - not even to give them his trademark undeserved 10s.
Re: Mad by Lenore	1-Feb-04/7:03 AM
Welcome NanceXToo (if that is your real name)! So you take voting pretty seriously, eh? All very commendatory, I'm sure, but really! Giving a three to a haiku?! It's a HAIKU!! How is he ever going to beat forsaken if you keep doing this? We've got to stick together!
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/6:54 AM
A few days ago, in a moment of desperation, I did try to create a zodiac., zodiac_, zodeeack, and several others, but nentwined foiled me somehow. Besides, deleting my stinkers is the only way my average ranking is going to surpass forsaken's incredible 6.40. Beating forsaken is, incidentally, my new calling.
Re: Unhearted by Miggy	1-Feb-04/6:40 AM
Unhearted isn't a word. I can't tell if you knew that.
Re: Unhearted by Miggy	1-Feb-04/6:39 AM
The cool thing about selling lyrics to boy-bands would be to make the first letters of each line spell something like "WE ALL WORSHIP SATAN - AND WE'RE GAY". Then when the song was released you could point it out to all your friends.
Re: a comment on Your True War Story by zodiac	1-Feb-04/6:31 AM
All the poems I've posted on top of were pretty poorly received (and already off the top 20, besides, where they would never be seen again.) Ideally, I'd just have the self-control to wait my two days.
Re: Your True War Story by zodiac	31-Jan-04/5:35 PM
[NB - coming out of a black doze pockmarked with nightmares of charging cavalry and endless lines of impressed yeomen foot-soldiers, I find myself on the floor of my office in three days’ growth of beard and a sort of contrived samurai armor made of old pizza boxes and damp sweatsocks (not mine – of this I’m sure,) my wife folding laundry nearby and glancing occasionally at me with an amused expression. What has happened? I ask, more than a little angered by what looks like the very real possibility that she’s been humoring me through another of these... spells, steadily gathering ammunition for her endless snipes against my (to say the least) sanity, credibility, and manhood. Oh nothing, she answers, eyebrow cocked – though it may relieve you to know the Huns have been repelled, the Saxon hordes bribed, and Macarthur is returned and reigning victorious over the Pacific front. Oh no – I gasp, my gaze falling on the scattered papers around me, scribbled in a kind of hurried runic shorthand, some big sheets covered with hasty sketches of enormous catapults and besieged port-cullises. Have I, I ask, been... rambling? And without waiting for an answer I lunge for as many papers as I can reach and ram them quickly into the nearby fireplace. Soon, all of them are burned – all except this last bit. BUT THIS IS THE LAST WAR POEM, I SWEAR!!! I am not a veteran; I am not the tallyho sort; and in fact I hate violence in any of its forms. So let me apologize for any... aberrations you may have been required to tolerate over the last few days. Rest assured, I will soon be back to writing poems about first love and thoughts of suicide – the normal subjects, things a guy can feel... well, dignified writing about. Once again, I’m terribly sorry. Thanks for understanding.]
Re: To Avalon by annabellee	30-Jan-04/9:19 PM
"Forever beckoned beyond the mists. But lost, between the worlds adrift." - this is the weakest part. Fix that up. Some of the antiquated diction might stand to be toned down, even for what you're trying to do. 9.
Re: To Avalon by annabellee	29-Jan-04/5:42 PM
Great Tennyson. I'm reading Tennyson right now, and you do him very well. Do you know Ms Parker's great 'Penelope'? Also - I wish you would read my last post, as I was trying to do some Tennyson myself and would like to see what you think.
Re: a comment on Ghost by lastobelus	29-Jan-04/4:56 PM
I guess they're already gone. She was doing her respond-to-everything schtick.
Re: Ghost by lastobelus	29-Jan-04/4:27 PM
As far as I'm concerned it improves with each repost. I'm sorry I called it a pimple. Much of this really appeals to me - but if I write more, I'm afraid I'll push CLS/Lydia evelyn's darling comments off the page. Mayhap later.
Re: Ghost by lastobelus	29-Jan-04/3:24 PM
8 for getting better. Also 8 for not being your best.
Re: a comment on Dream Wars by lastobelus	29-Jan-04/3:06 PM
And 'quirking'. That's really something. Did you steal it?