Re: Murderers in the Tropics by Fear of Garbage	27-Jan-04/5:01 PM
Mon dieu! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> "sleepy, safe and warm" could be different.
Re: My Life As a Single Teenage Girl by Princess_Snowflake	27-Jan-04/4:59 PM
minus 8 for not being a haiku. Minus another 1 for not being very poetic or making any sense.
Re: Camera Obscura by Fear of Garbage	27-Jan-04/4:57 PM
I could tell you were a woman. Dickens could tell George Eliot was immediately, too, or so the anecdote goes. Are the leaves from O.Henry?
Re: a comment on Fastened to my belt by irishfolksuicide	27-Jan-04/4:51 PM
You're right.
Re: Virginia Beach in Spring by andrewjthomas	27-Jan-04/2:39 PM
My post is finally beating My Life as a Single Teenage Girl!
Re: a comment on Virginia Beach in Spring by andrewjthomas	27-Jan-04/2:37 PM
I realize this is the exact opposite of what god'swife is telling you. Maybe she has a good suggestion for the end.
Re: a comment on Virginia Beach in Spring by andrewjthomas	27-Jan-04/2:36 PM
Or end it with the turtles doing something. Not feeling, though.
Re: a comment on Virginia Beach in Spring by andrewjthomas	27-Jan-04/2:35 PM
This is just me (and you should see what god'swife is saying about me for my post before you believe me) but I think the climax is over-played in poetry. Here, you (at least I) know what he feels like. I feel something, anyway, whether it's his feeling or not. Here's an idea: have him extend it into his life. Have him go home and get drunk, beat his wife, make love to a stranger, or something - then just end it with that, no moralizing, just events. Also, the way you changed the 'sees' line is much much better.
Re: a comment on Virginia Beach in Spring by andrewjthomas	27-Jan-04/2:20 PM
I get the tugs. It's just worded a little weird. "and sees", and "the turtles feel" particularly.
Re: Virginia Beach in Spring by andrewjthomas	27-Jan-04/2:04 PM
"traces their path" - whose? The turtles', I guess, but I got confused for a minute. I thought it was the shoes' path. I'd make that clearer. And the last part about the tugs is either badly worded or unnecesary. Especially wondering how the turtles feel. I like the idea, and can't decide if it's better left to the imagination (whether or not it's homecoming). No vote until I have more time to think.
Re: Fastened to my belt by irishfolksuicide	27-Jan-04/1:40 PM
This is really really good. Maybe the best post of the day. I just have one small question: the priest gives contrition, right? Or do you mean for it to be reversed?
Re: Kernel of truth by annabellee	27-Jan-04/1:31 PM
"She melts in the flow" - this is odd, but ultimately passable. The part from "bind her" to "cannot see" is the poem's best, but needs different punctuation. I deleted your two (by editing, not maliciously) from my last post. You can go redo it if you want. I'd be really happy if you made a comment while you were at it.
Re: a comment on Here In The Heart of Amber by Lenore	27-Jan-04/1:26 PM
I think the fossil keep in the places where they're destined rather than, I don't know, running away. This is good, and quite qualifiable as lyric by the way if you want to go that way. Very concrete and pre-raphaelite. Tennyson, even. The all-time master formalist.
Re: My happy warm faith poem by Jeremi B. Handrinos	27-Jan-04/11:51 AM
Magnificent. I wonder, what will she think? Will she know?
Re: So Much**coment this sucks. I want to make it better by Freethinker1602	27-Jan-04/10:41 AM
And even rockmage dissed it.
Re: a comment on So Much**coment this sucks. I want to make it better by Freethinker1602	27-Jan-04/10:38 AM
"coment this sucks. I want to make it better" makes me think you wanted this. What was I supposed to say? Excellent cliche in line 6 - some great ambiguity in the endless run-on phrasing. Oh, wait - or was I just supposed to praise it? That's for rockmage, not me.
Re: a comment on So Much**coment this sucks. I want to make it better by Freethinker1602	27-Jan-04/10:35 AM
Then (and see the famous Captain Cannibal for more) you are only writing for yourself, without concern for whether others can read, understand, or appreciate you. There are better things you could be doing with that kind of poetry, like not posting it on a public website for comment and ranking - you see?
Re: a comment on Reconstruction by andrewjthomas	27-Jan-04/9:45 AM
I'd be obliged if you could direct me to some good husk potery sometime.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	27-Jan-04/9:22 AM
No it can't. And that's not what Goad said. Look, you fool, my patience is wearing out. YOU ARE NOT THE OUTSIDER HERE, YOU FUCKING DORK!!! YOU ARE WRITING JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE!!! WE MAKE THE SAME COMMENTS ABOUT EVERYBODY ELSE!!! We're not elitists here, you loser! We say all the same things about each other's work as we did about yours; and when we get comments along the line of what you've read here, we take them with good faith or good humor, which apparently you can't manage, which is why you've been treated so harshly here, you ignorant cockless twit. JUST SHUT UP! SHUT UP!! THIS NORMAL, BORING POEM IS NOT WORTH ALL THIS JIBBER-JABBER!! You fucking 'outside artist' - get a goddamn brain. All artists are outside to some extent! And inside to some extent, which you have shown by identifying yourself with the most popular powerful group of visual artists in the world today - the fucking outside artists! But that's the goddamn problem: YOU CAN'T FEEL LIKE YOU'RE MAKING ART UNLESS YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE FUCKING PERSECUTED AND CONTROVERSIAL, you stupid shit! You're not, except as much as you've courted persecution with your brash and ignorant comments. Read over the comments here and you'll find most of them said something like 'nice normal poem, a little boring though.' And you've defended it like it was the bleeding Waste Land. Get a goddamn clue! PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GET A FUCKING CLUE! And as far as poetry-as-painting goes: can't you see a million differences?! Words have to be ordered, they have to be arranged (some of the poems on this site of course excluded.) You can't just fling letters against a canvas and call it a poem YOU BLIGHTED TWAT! GO WRITE ANOTHER GODDAMN POEM AND STOP WHINING YOU SAD SAD... damn! I'm out of epithets. Let somebody else take up the call. I'm getting the hell away from this poem.
Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30	27-Jan-04/8:20 AM
The last thing we can afford to be as writers is our own sensitive swooning stereotypes. Think of this as boot camp, drumrgrl, and go on.