Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/2:27 PM
And some people - including Byron, I think - draw persecution. It's not a virtue.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/2:26 PM
Good to see you back. Where have you been?
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/2:18 PM
That's fine. But I don't understand why you get off on being ranked, without caring whether or not you're understood. Perhaps you fancy yourself persecuted or some such? You stand alone, Byronic in your singular vision, against us hordes of savages? History will vindicate, and so on? That's fine, too. If you wanted advice, I was happy to offer some. It's clear that's not why you post, though. Rather, that you intend for us all to be edified and entertained by your singular (and already perfected) vision. I should also make clear that there's no clause, word, etc., in this poem that confuses me or invites alternate interpretations. That's part of the problem.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/2:11 PM
No. It IS better.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/2:01 PM
By which I mean, I'm always surprised at you, -=Dark Angel=-.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/1:59 PM
Saboteur!
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/1:49 PM
It is better. Lenore has an obligation to make himself/herself understood. Otherwise it's entirely masturbatory poetry. Which is fine, but the fact of its being posted on this site means he wants somebody to read and understand it. I'm fine with the idea that poetry can be purely personal, but on the ranker I've got to judge by the standards we've all subscribed ourselves to - to wit, that poetry will be ranked. Lenore, what if everyone who read your poetry thought you were a fascist or racist? Clearly, if enough people thought it, then it's in the work. Is it our obligation to try to understand your ambiguous intention, or your obligation to make sure (if you choose) that your intention is understood?
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/1:13 PM
Woo-hoo. See above.
Re: I Go On by drumrgirl30	26-Jan-04/12:31 PM
"Cool as ice , on the outside I must be..." When you have to invert like that, you need a new rhyme. All of the rest of the language is normal, which makes it really stick out.
Re: Just Passing Through by southernboy71	26-Jan-04/12:29 PM
"I like to think that the nicer the people I get to meet, The better a person I become." This line needs to be reworded.
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/12:26 PM
And no one else has commented on the pools of seamen. That's weird.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/12:19 PM
I stick with my original judgment. Lenore has chops, just needs polishing. The things people think are poetry aren't really. I think we can agree on that.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/9:02 AM
Without going to far into our oh-so-protected details of educational background and profession, let me just tell you that if I miss the 'point,' a whole lot of people are going to miss it too. Sorry to sound so damn stuck-up. And you don't know who 'people like me' are. By the way, I feel forced into being entirely critical, which I didn't intend. "Starvation holds water better than your boat," is really good. The rhyme and rhythm are good throughout. I really like the scansion of the lines and a lot of the images. I think Captain Cannibal is a silly name, but you can pull it off (Lord knows there be sillier names here.) If the meaning is some 'Alive'-type you-have-to-eat-to-live crap, you would do well to consider adding something more. That's all.
Re: a comment on Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/8:46 AM
If a poem is only average unless it has grammatical anomalies, then - let me tell you - it's average anyway. In fact, it's even more average for being just like every other kid who read 'i sing of olaf glad and big' in high school and thinks that's the future. I'm all for people thinking they're the future, provided they really are the future, and not just some amateur-looking hack. Now what I'm trying to say is that you have stuff that will make you not look like an amateur-looking hack, but you're throwing it away to save your precious anomalies. You say they're "just waiting to become kitschy and, dare I say, even cool if only I have the personal fortitude." I'm sorry to say, it's not only you with the personal fortitude. Look here (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80811), here (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80726), here (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80735), here (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80427), here (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=79941), and here (http://www.poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?id=80386). And that's only the 20 most recent. Terrify me? You're a dime a dozen on this site. Get some real quality and then come terrify me. See the following note for a continuatioin.
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/7:23 AM
I feel like I should say more on this: although I am totally in favor of poems that tell stories (I personally am working on a poetic style that is only nouns and verbs,) I don't feel like this poem tells enough. There's only one possible meaning (not counting the aforementioned seamen,) so it doesn't hold up to repeated readings. Take a closer look at that famous albatross poem. It's an extended (though clumsy, yes,) allegory - or more than one, but mainly about respect for nature, etc. You don't have anything but events, which are not even presented in the end as anything shocking or weird. Yeah, you start with Murder! which is grabbing, but it just peters out. He eats the bones and goes home. Look for ways to make it mean something more. That's about it.
Re: Yea u guys by That One	26-Jan-04/7:15 AM
Once again, Jesus was a Greek nickname for a Hebrew.
Re: Captain Cannibal by Lenore	26-Jan-04/6:04 AM
"Stagnant pools of seamen"? You know I was otherwise bound to like this. One thing, though: the end of a stanza never-ever is the same as a period. You have to go back and put some in.
Re: bitch on the triple word score by middenHeap	25-Jan-04/3:14 PM
It would be even better with a bunch of seven-letter words starting with Qu or X. No, I can't think of any myself right now.
Re: a comment on The Upside-Down Frown by fevriere	25-Jan-04/2:02 PM
I retract. I must have been in a bad mood. I agree with Goad though. Try making all those crazy long lines say something.
Re: moon rants by bluwiz	25-Jan-04/1:51 PM
How did this turn into such crap after pretty good opening lines? It's like you lost faith. Go back down Gumdrop Pass to about halfway through the first stanza and start again.