on Coldfront by klosterfobik
15 Sep 2004, 9:09 AM
I love it, and yet I hate the apostrophised written-accent "x-in'".
on Perversions by razorgrin
15 Sep 2004, 9:13 AM
Ok, so those are rather amusing.
on Drunk and Fucked Up by wilco
15 Sep 2004, 9:18 AM
Lyrically, call Ryan Adams. But poetically, I think it's lacking. Maybe I just subconsciously reject the use of the word "baby" in its slang context in a work of poesy. Hm.
on some deleted poem
15 Sep 2004, 9:22 AM
Intimate and simple. Will stick in my head for a while.
on To Leave a Trace by Dovina
17 Oct 2004, 10:53 AM
I like "honorably unread", I think that's a very strong line.
on some deleted poem
17 Oct 2004, 10:56 AM
"He spit" > "He spat"?
"craving the.." etc > "craving scarce applause, you drape your true"?
I dunno what the "mediocrity" line's dong - it's a bit out of place.
Otherwise, a very articulately-worded piece on a bit of a cliched theme, I might say (in praise!).
"craving the.." etc > "craving scarce applause, you drape your true"?
I dunno what the "mediocrity" line's dong - it's a bit out of place.
Otherwise, a very articulately-worded piece on a bit of a cliched theme, I might say (in praise!).
on Youth by thepinkbunnyofdoom
17 Oct 2004, 10:58 AM
I don't think the repetition works, the speed of light line annoys me. And drop "token" for something else. That line could be the real hook but I feel the whole thing's not quick as catchy as you want it to be. As it could be.
on Coin Operated Binoculars by T. Jonathron Remp
17 Oct 2004, 10:59 AM
Coul you not make this a poem just by cutting the lines at readable places? I loved it. The "he/him/her" bit's a little confusing but I like that. I really like it all.
on Forbidden Desires by blackthoughtz1
21 Oct 2004, 5:33 AM
This is a Pimple.
on Dino Campana: Autumn Garden by Sasha
21 Oct 2004, 5:43 AM
Al giardino spettrale al lauro muto
De le verdi ghirlande
A la terra autunnale
Un ultimo saluto!
A l'aride pendici
Aspre arrossate nell'estremo sole
Confusa di rumori
Rauchi grida la lontana vita:
Grida al morente sole
Che insanguina le aiole.
S'intende una fanfara
Che straziante sale: il fiume spare
Ne le arene dorate: nel silenzio
Stanno le bianche statue a capo i ponti
Volte: e le cose già non sono più.
E dal fondo silenzio come un coro
Tenero e grandioso
Sorge ed anela in alto al mio balcone:
E in aroma d'alloro,
In aroma d'alloro acre languente,
Tra le statue immortali nel tramonto
Ella m'appar, presente.
De le verdi ghirlande
A la terra autunnale
Un ultimo saluto!
A l'aride pendici
Aspre arrossate nell'estremo sole
Confusa di rumori
Rauchi grida la lontana vita:
Grida al morente sole
Che insanguina le aiole.
S'intende una fanfara
Che straziante sale: il fiume spare
Ne le arene dorate: nel silenzio
Stanno le bianche statue a capo i ponti
Volte: e le cose già non sono più.
E dal fondo silenzio come un coro
Tenero e grandioso
Sorge ed anela in alto al mio balcone:
E in aroma d'alloro,
In aroma d'alloro acre languente,
Tra le statue immortali nel tramonto
Ella m'appar, presente.
on In the berth by INTRANSIT
22 Oct 2004, 4:51 PM
I love it.
on some deleted poem
16 Nov 2004, 9:43 AM
It truly does make one wonder.
So much poemranker poetry about poo. Little about wee. There's something I haven't covered yet.
So much poemranker poetry about poo. Little about wee. There's something I haven't covered yet.
on Trapped in a horseshoe by INTRANSIT
16 Nov 2004, 9:51 AM
I like the line breaks, they build tension, make the words seem like worth living too.
Just thinking though, is "nighttime sun" just there to rhyme with "captive one"?, because I don't know if it belongs, otherwise.
Just thinking though, is "nighttime sun" just there to rhyme with "captive one"?, because I don't know if it belongs, otherwise.
on The Perception's Play by Bhaskaryya
21 Dec 2004, 9:06 AM
You realise that first of all, you're using couplets and then alternate rhyming lines? And you've put a lowercase 'i' when you mean 'I'. It's kind of nice, in a pastiche of nineteenth century poetry. Although the piece of rock bit was rather a blooper.
on some deleted poem
26 Dec 2004, 7:30 AM
Really like the repetition, definitely works.
On a grammatical note, you'll need to put full stops at the end of stanzas ("skies." "its melodies."). And maybe "cobwebbed skies" would be better. I'm not sure if "cobweb skies" is really helpful to the poem, I mean, are the skies very claustrophobic to the poet? There's no sense of fear or trepidation or anything, it seems more sleepy and peaceful.
Enjoyed reading it. :)
On a grammatical note, you'll need to put full stops at the end of stanzas ("skies." "its melodies."). And maybe "cobwebbed skies" would be better. I'm not sure if "cobweb skies" is really helpful to the poem, I mean, are the skies very claustrophobic to the poet? There's no sense of fear or trepidation or anything, it seems more sleepy and peaceful.
Enjoyed reading it. :)
on some deleted poem
26 Dec 2004, 7:42 AM
I reduxed A Wanderlust To The New. If you'd like to reread, it's here: http://poemranker.com/poem-details.jsp?i
"But Mary made demons before a wife
Her need was of faith, soon to be law"?